Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S05E19, or Two of Us Need Look No More

Ah, never thought I’d use my ‘David Hasselhoff’ tag from covering the Guest Host series’ of Never Mind the Buzzcocks again.

We return now to the HAAAEEEEHH-tastic Kathy Griffin taping, which we’ve already seen 2 relatively good shows from. Now comes the second of two Guest Stars from that taping, and a relatively big get at that, TV icon David Hasselhoff. The Hoff was 3 years away from revitalizing his celebrity image with a tongue-in-cheek cameo in the Spongebob Squarepants movie [oh you better believe I’m bringing that up], and only 4 years from becoming a judge on America’s got Talent. You can argue that Whose Line helped, but the Hoff episode isn’t quite as well-remembered as the Simmons one.

Newsflash: Ryan and Kathy in the studio, Colin in the field in front of RATS

We start with a ‘let’s go onto’ from Drew, proving that there was no openers left for this show.

Ryan, starting with Kathy: “Was she friendly?”
Kathy: “She was alright, but…Miss America can be kind of whiny sometimes-”

Also, PROPS TO KATHY FOR KNOWING HER CUE TO THROW TO COLIN AFTER RYAN INTERRUPTS THIS STORY. Most people, like Kathy Greenwood, need Ryan to keep going. But Kathy Griffin gets it. She did her homework

I love Ryan trying to get a hint out, but being interrupted by shrieking audience members every time

Colin: “It all started with some bad soup!”

On the cut to a mouse and its young, we get a FRANTIC HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER TWO

Ryan, with a very obscure reference: “Frankly, the two of us NEED LOOK NO MORE.”

Colin: “I am totally protected, and the refried beans helped”

Colin: “There must be upwards of TWENTY.”

I do love Ryan’s amazed, cracking disgust at the amount of nice, just random “ohhhh”s peppered in

Kathy, who’s been doing alright so far, tries to give a hint with “you used to work as a police informant”, as in ‘you dirty rat’, but Colin does not get it at all, and just looks at her, very confused.

Ryan: “Now Colin, after this you’re off to cover the opening of Cats?”

I love that once Colin gets it and comes back to stage, he peers into the monitor, sees it, and gives a perturbed expression before heading back

Ryan: “He didn’t catch onto my ‘need look no more’ clue…”
Colin: “…isn’t that weird…”
Colin and Ryan do go into the next verse, just like that.
Ryan: “I didn’t wanna just go ‘Hey, watch out for the RATS.”

A surprisingly strong Newsflash. Good clues, good replies, lots going on, Kathy only made one mistake. Good stuff.

Song Styles: Wayne sings a Gospel song to David Hasselhoff

[what, they wouldn’t let him do a German drinking song? Too on the nose?]

David’s nice enough to run into the audience and shake hands and slap fives.

Also, David seems SO HAPPY to see everyone, shakes Drew’s hand, Wayne’s hand, knows the other three’s names. He’s pretty much the mayor of LA.

Drew instructs David to do “pretty much all you ever did on Baywatch: relax, have a seat”
Drew…there’s a very famous show David did involving a TALKING CAR that would have been a MUCH BETTER PUNCHLINE HERE.

I find it funny that Wayne does gospel here, and then the FOLLOWING NIGHT, the Jerry Springer taping, he does another gospel song. They couldn’t have switched things up?

Wayne: “and it doth say…he who WEARS…the thong-th-thong-thong?”
Oh yeah, this was 2001, Sisqo was still ‘in’.
Wayne: “…gets SAND where it don’t belong-long-long”
[Wayne even cracks a little at this]

I love how when Wayne mentions Knight Rider, David even talks into his watch. Like, he knows exactly who he is, which I love

Wayne has another crack after he mentions “Pamela Lee just bouncing in slow-motion”

Wayne even gives Hoff his own mic, and Hoff does some pumping up/backup for Wayne in a refrain, which is nice.

Wayne, in his fast-paced ender “I sold 50 million records in Germany, but 20 over here- NAH, I’M JUST KIDDIN”
David has a BIG laugh at that line

A very fun number, and David was really into it, but compared to the Springer number it’s a lot more baseline and obvious lyrics-wise. I feel like these ‘song to a special guest’ ones would be better once Wayne would ask for a detail to work off from said special guest, which would come on the CW version.

As David leaves, he’s doing his ‘running in slow-mo’ and ‘talking to his watch’ motions, milking it for applause. Is David just the American version of John Barrowman, because that’s the kind of self-referential I think he is.

Two-Line Vocabulary: Colin is Indiana Jones and Ryan and Kathy are his two sidekicks. They’re looking for the Holy Grail in an ancient temple full of dangerous traps
Ryan’s lines: “What does that do?” and “I want in”
Kathy’s lines: “Are you kidding” and “I love this!”

Colin: “We’re gonna go in there, and we’re gonna go get the Idol of Makatuti”
Ryan: “…I want out”
Perfectly timed

Colin: “Remember what happened in Persia?”
Kathy: “I LOVE THIS”
Colin: “No you didn’t, remember, you got bitten by 3 snakes?”
Kathy: “Are you kidding?”

Kathy, Colin and Ryan approach the cave
Ryan, whispered: “I want out”
Ryan’s really damn good at finding different ways to drive home a line on a repetition.

At one point, Colin tries to grab Ryan’s nose, which leads to a pained reaction from Ryan

And then, as Colin talks to Kathy again, you see Ryan slowly inching downstage, eventually yelling  “I WANT OUT” from near the seats. Something about that line is just WORKING tonight
Colin eventually has to get him back in at gunpoint, which is a fun way of accelerating the stakes

Colin: “I’m using my whip”
Ryan: “What does that do?”
Colin, rolling his eyes: “…THIS!” [WHAP]

Kathy, grabbing Colin’s arm: “uhhh…you kidding?”

Kathy, as Colin’s trying to exposit, grabs his ass: “I LOVE THIS.”
Man, Kathy’s great at this game

Colin, with the right amount of frustration: “we’re WORKING.”
Ryan, also grabbing Colin’s ass: “WHAT DOES THAT DO?”

A pretty strong Two-Line. Again, Kathy’s been acing games that I’d recalled her stalling in. This, World’s Worst, Newsflash. How did I forget how good Kathy Griffin was at Whose Line?

[Figures, this is her last game of the night]

Drew: “Thousand points to everybody who grabbed Colin’s ass”
Ryan and Kathy politely raise their hands

Dubbing: Colin is a beautiful woman who’s gone swimming and is in trouble, hunky lifeguard David Hasselhoff, Wayne’s voice, comes to her rescue, just then, Colin’s boyfriend Ryan arrives, determined to show that he is the hunkiest and fittest lifeguard on the beach

And now, David Hasselhoff has to do improv. With rules. Here, my friends, is where he has trouble.

Drew: “[Wayne] won’t make you look like an idiot or anything”
Wayne: “I PROMISE.”
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.19.57 PM.png

Ryan, after the scene description: “…just as long as I’m a guy, man…”

Wayne, making fun of David just walking right up to Colin: “…look how I stand on the water!”

Wayne: “You are one of the most exquisitely honed woman I’ve ever seen in my life”
Colin: “You gotta get out more..”

I love Colin casually putting his clothes on after Ryan enters. This is usually Ryan’s move, so it’s a nice touch

Wayne: “I can’t lie- I never lie, I’m a lifeguard. I’ve sworn to tell the truth and wear this thong.”

Ryan, of course, goes back to his old standby: “I’m wearing a thong, too, but…two thongs don’t make a right!”
This does David in a little

As Wayne explains what happened, David gestures the whole thing.
Wayne: “…and I’m quite proficient at MIME, LOOK!”
Colin: “He’s great, and he has a talking car!”

Wayne: “Hector doesn’t deserve the  love of a woman so beautiful”
Colin, with a great contrast: “No, he doesn’t Kill ‘im.”
Wayne: “Very well. Let me show you the-”
Ryan: [cocks gun]

Wayne: “Look at this weapon I have in MY hands:”
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.28.09 PM.png
Ryan: [breaks]
Colin: [claps]

Ryan, to David: “It’s like ‘rock paper scissors!’
COCK paper scissors, if you will

Really strong Dubbing. Lots of little things all 4 people did. Apparently David had moments that were cut where he forgot to not speak, but he held his own, and Wayne was great at throwing his lack of improv logic at him.

Drew: “And -1000 points for Ryan for ‘two thongs don’t make a right’. I thought we were above that kind of thing here.”
Ryan: “…two of us need look no more.”
HA. Excellent callback. Hell, this line’s probably the reason we have Newsflash as an opener, rather than in Two-Line’s place.

Three-Headed Broadway Star: Wayne, Ryan and Hoff sing ‘I Can’t Live Without Your Mother’ to Venus

Annnnd here we go.

This show doesn’t have a traditional opener, OR a traditional closer. Because Newsflash had to be  here, 3HBS had to be here, and Two-Line fit better than another opener

David: “Least I get to talk this time”

I love Ryan’s move of coming around David and being the middle after it’s revealed that David isn’t tall enough and Ryan being in the middle is a better shot

I don’t think David was listening when Drew mentions “one word at a time”. I think he’s still thinking about the concept

Wayne: “Your”
Ryan: “Mother”
David: “IS SO”
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.36.17 PM.png
This is what we’re in for.

“When your mother is around me, I always get
Wayne: “…BUGGED.”

Ryan: “Mothers”
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.37.46 PM.png
Ryan’s gonna react EVERY TIME, isn’t he?

Ryan: “If”
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.38.42 PM.png
now WAYNE has the best reaction. He’s just…caught very off guard

They eventually get this back on track, and go back to single lyrics, and composure, though David does one more ‘THE BOYS’
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.39.58 PM.png

After this, they get into a groove where it’s all coming together, like David emulating Wayne’s ‘eeee-nough’ a few words after he says it, and them keeping the same tempo and scheme to it.

Wayne: “with”
Ryan: “your”
David: “…tongue.”
Screen Shot 2020-03-30 at 5.41.23 PM.png
Poor Wayne

The game ends, and David says something to Ryan: “That’s an initiation for me…” And that’s honestly the best attitude to have about it. It’s probably David’s first time doing improv, especially a game like this, and he had to fail for a bit before becoming great and ending with a cool flourish or two. Let’s compare this to another ‘first 3HBS’- 2×10, the ‘You’ve got Sole’ playing where Drew makes one mistake and can’t recompose himself. That one is so hard to find funny because you feel bad for Drew. He NEVER recovers. And he spends the whole time cracking and making mistakes. Here, David makes some mistakes, stumbles a bit…and keeps going, gets the hang of the game, and finishes STRONG, unified with the other 2. That makes this game a ton more fun to watch, and a ton more satisfying. David lands on his feet, which is more than I can say for Drew in his first time doing this.

So yeah. This one’s better than You’ve Got Sole. A much better song, with much funnier slip-ups, and a much more endearing final outcome.

Right as David says goodbye to the audience, you can hear Ryan, whose mic is still on, go, to Colin, “annnnd TAKE ME ON A.” So EVEN HE MADE THE YOU’VE GOT SOLE CONNECTION. Even he knew what this felt like.

And of course, there’s some great postscript back at the seats:
Ryan, to Drew: “Remember your first time?”
Drew, mistakenly: “ANNND When I think about yooou-”
Ryan, correctly: “AND TAKE ME ON A.”

Drew: “[David’s] gonna hop in his talking car and get the hell out of here]
Ryan: “He’ll be singing with his car on the way home: ‘I!’ ‘DRIVE!’ ‘YOU!’ ‘AND!'”
THAT cracks me up. David playing 3HBS with Kitt. That visual just kills me.

Overall: A very solid show. Nothing short of great here. And even with an usual structure [No opener or closing Drew game, no winner, Newsflash starting off], everything here tonight felt really good and cohesive. Some guest star shows feel really cobbled together, but this one felt right, though a lot of that involved making sure Newsflash started to set up the end of Dubbing. Wayne and Kathy had great nights, despite Kathy not appearing in many games late.

The Hoff did not disappoint, and was fun and enthusiastic in all his games. He knew he wasn’t great at improv, but he didn’t let that stop him from having a good time, AND the panel from delivering a good show. Dubbing and Three-Headed were stronger BECAUSE of the effort he put in, and how fun he could be off the cuff. He also definitely got the concept of working WITH people, as his collaboration in all three games made them look even better. There’s a reason why he’d stay friendly with Colin and Wayne when it came time to film that inferior Fred Willard show I need not mention.

Show Winner: N/A
Best Performer: Wayne Brady, carrying all three guest games.
Worst Performer: Ryan honestly had the least to do, and broke most often.
Best Game: Three-Headed. A classic for a reason, and the Hoff learned as it went on.
Worst Game: Song Styles? Maybe it’s because we just had the Springer one, but it felt very inferior in comparison.
Final HAAAAEHH Count: Six. Same as 5×19
Guest Star Rating: 9/10. He made mistakes, but David Hasselhoff was up for anything, was having a great time, and boosted Dubbing and Song Styles just by his zeal for it. And having his vocal flourishes in 3HBS definitely helped as well.

COMING UP NEXT: My favorite episode growing up. A game from this one made me laugh harder than I’d ever laughed to this point. And it comes from the same taping as the Richard Simmons show. Yeah, THIS ONE.

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