Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S05E03, or Someone’s Thong is Too Tight

This Brad Sherwood taping is one of many Season 4 tapings leftover without actually being used in S4. And now, here it is in Season 5. Just hanging out.

All seriousness, this is a pretty good episode, and I often wonder why exactly it was pushed out of S4. Too many contractually-obligated third episodes from okay tapings? I dunno. It’s here now.

Award Show: Brad & Wayne present the award for Frat Boys to Ryan and Colin

Colin spikes the camera on the way into the audience, and:
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.44.24 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.44.55 PM.png

You can tell this is an early playing, because Ryan doesn’t know that he and Colin have to start in the audience

Ryan ends up crouching behind Drew and getting into the shot to get to the audience, which is fun

Wayne and Brad already have the tone down. I love that Brad’s mouthing the words that Wayne’s saying, making fun of prompter readings

We cut to Ryan and Colin, and:
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.47.30 PM.png

Colin’s abrupt wooing as they come downstage carries until they get to the podium, which is a fun gag

Colin: “I’d like to thank whoever it is I’m sleeping with right now…”

Plus, I love Colin getting serious about studying hard, “cause I really want to be a gynecologist”.
Ryan: “LOOK UP A FEW OLD FRIENDS, HUH?”

Colin, looking at the podium: “Hey, man, this’d be good to put our chips in…”

Brad comes back on, which is a new idea, and says “what better way to end the show than with some MOONING, DUDES?”
Wayne, chuckling, goes “you first”. This is our first clue
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.52.34 PM.png
Brad…actually unbuckles
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.53.08 PM.png
And Wayne’s standing there…awkwardly

The game ends, everyone goes back to the seats, and Wayne’s standing and talking to Brad. He’s literally saying “I would have done it with you, but I have a g-string on”, and he motions around his butt area.
DREW HEARS THIS
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.54.27 PM.png
And he goes “Are you serious???”

Brad, meanwhile, takes an extra second with the knowledge that’s just been handed to him, straightens his belt, and sits down
Drew, smiling TOO WIDE: “WAYNE JUST SAID TO BRAD…”I would have done it with you, but I have a G-STRING on.”
The place suddenly understands.

Wayne, on the few audience members who are doing ‘OHHHH’s: “HEY, IT GIVES ME SUPPORT.”
Ryan: “IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S A LEOPARD G-STRIN-is iiiit?”

Brad, defending Wayne: “It’s a G-string”
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.56.59 PM.png
Wayne, kinda pathetically: “…for when I’m hangin’ with my homies.”

Sure enough, he pulls the side of it up so the audience can see, which gets a WILD reaction from the audience
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 12.58.24 PM.png

Drew: “…oh yeah, we got a show to do…”

A pretty good Award Show. Not my favorite, and we won’t get to that one for TWO SEASONS, but a solid one

Party Quirks: Brad hosts
Wayne: The I’ve Got a Secret episode of the SOUTH-AMERICAN Jerry Springer show
Colin: Performing seal in a marine park pool playing up to the cameras
Ryan: Series of hunting accidents caught on tape

This seems pretty consecutive. Which either means PQ was played early or AS was played late.

Ryan has some VERY NERVOUS LAUGHTER at his

Wayne comes in with full Jerry Springer ‘Y’ALL SHUT UP’ mode, proving he read 60% of the quirk. As for the other 40%….eh…

Wayne: “Me and Maurice, we were watching, you know, an episode of our favorite show, you know, The Drew Carey Show”
Drew:
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 1.28.11 PM.png

Brad, to Colin: “GUESS WHAT, WHITNEY HOUSTON’S AT MY PARTY!”
[this was at the beginning of her feuds with Bobby Brown, I presume?]
Colin, in response…bewilderedly claps his hands. Perfect

Colin does some seal tricks towards the central camera
Brad, smirking: “Whitney Houston, I’d like you to meet Stephen Hawking!”
THE AUDIENCE IS BETRAYED
Colin, still trying to do his thing, has the best reaction:
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 1.30.20 PM.png
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Just…barely holding it in, but visibly shocked.

Ryan, firing: “…….SORRY, GARY!”

Colin makes his way towards the camera, and…yeah:
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 1.32.06 PM.png
I love that, in the background, Ryan accidentally shoots Wayne, Wayne falls and gets mad…AND THIS is what we continue to focus on. Man, oh man

As more violent things continue to happen with Wayne and Ryan…we stay focused on Colin, arfing into another camera

Brad guesses Ryan and Wayne, and Colin’s left with the camera, leaving us this shot:
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 1.34.09 PM.png

Brad gets Colin and caps a pretty solid, and very frenzied, PQ. I do like this one, and I like the decision to focus on Colin as sillier things are happening in the background

Drew, when everyone gets back to the seats: “…that was the South American version of the Jerry Springer show…”
Wayne, not following: ‘….yeah.”
Drew: “I kept on waiting for the South American version to pop in there…”
Wayne: “was that what it said?”

Wayne thinks that’s not what it said, and opens the envelope, “now that the game’s over”, and reads it: “…I’ve Got a Secret episode of the…AWWWW CRAP.”
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 1.37.06 PM.png
The audience gives a nice amount of applause, but…poor Wayne. Dude’s embarrassed in two straight games

Ryan, of course, has the perfect punchline: “…SOMEONE’S THONG IS TOO TIGHT…”
Wayne has no choice but to laugh at this one. Ryan got him good

Scenes from a Hat:

Drew, chuckling: “What life would have been like if your parents were insult comics”
Brad, to Wayne: “You gaining weight or is your ass eating your pants?”
This…sort of counts as a thong reference?

“What’s on TV in Hell”
Wayne: “…UPN’S THURSDAY LINEUP!”
As it’s 2001, this gets a lot of audience response

Colin, keeping the gag going: “…BUTT CRACKS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS!”
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 1.48.44 PM.png

I love the little recurring chuckle Drew has before “Things Found in Hillbilly Fortune Cookies”

Wayne: “……hell, I can’t read…”
HA

Ryan, with a truly dark one: “You just ate what could have been your lover.”
The audience is SPLIT on this one, and there’s a lot of outcry, sort of like there has been at Brad’s jokes all night. Ryan sees this and bows.

Colin: “….Howdy.”
The simplicity kills me

Drew, kind of ashamed: “…hit numbers from a musical about breasts.”
Colin: “…I got a dime…FOR TWO NIPPLES.”
Wayne, a la Streisand: “….MAMMARIES…”
Colin, dancing way too happily: “I LIKE TO STICK MY HEAD IN, GO BBBBBBBB”
Jesus
Wayne, with the speed to nearly outdo the censor: “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMNTHOSESOMEBIGTITS”

Pretty strong round of this. SFAH rounds are now shorter, but have longer, more fleshed out scenes, which I like.

Bartender: Brad tends bar
Wayne – Excited about Brad
Colin – Angry about a speeding ticket
Ryan – In love with ugly shoes

BARTENDER’S BACK! A game we haven’t seen since late in the UK era finally returns for some S4 & S5 tapings, and I couldn’t be happier, as this was always a fun one. Brad’s a great choice to tend, as well.

Also, as this game starts, all four are still cracking up over something. Not sure what game happened directly before this.

Already, we get a semi-reprise of the ‘in love with the barman’ one that Tony and Mike did, with Wayne being excited about Brad

Wayne’s admission of ‘dating girls for so long, it’s time for a switch’ gets laughs, because this is 2001.

Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 2.00.34 PM.pngWayne does this right as Brad starts, which is a fun move

Brad: “And you know I’ve got a girlfriend, but I just might leave her
ever since I’ve found out I got Jungle Fever”
Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 2.01.33 PM.png

A very fun and cute Wayne-Brad number

Colin, already angry, enters: “…WHAT D’YA HAVE TO DO FOR SERVICE AROUND HERE?”

Colin, with a very clever verse: “I got a ticket, for going fast
I knew my good luck would never last
It seems like I was born under an evil star
I got caught for speeding, I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CARRR!”
PERFECT

Brad: “I’m the kind of guy who never stops
You saw me last week without a shirt on an episode of Cops”

Another fun number, and the intensity Brad and Colin brought worked

Ryan, possibly referring to Wayne’s: “Ah, glad to see this is still a gay bar.”
Brad: “you shoulda met my boyfriend Wayne, he was in here a while ago…”

Ryan: “I’m in love with my shoes and I don’t know how
It’s a shame that they had to kill 47 cows”
YES. Brad needs a moment to recompose himself after this. He does a spit take, and Ryan just casually wipes some of it from his brow

Brad: “You love your shoes cause they give you a little tongue.”
Ryan nods

Once Brad ends a sentence with ‘don’t you frown’, he IMMEDIATELY knows the punchline that’s coming, and nods along with it:
Brad: “even though it looks like you stole your shoes from a clown..”

A really strong round of Bartender for our first one in several seasons. All 3 were strong, funny, and Brad made for a strong lead for this game.

Props: Brad & Wayne vs. Ryan & Drew

Colin, handing Drew a still-large prop: “you have the little one..”

Ryan: does Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme:
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Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 2.13.52 PM.pngRyan: “d’you have a table for Gumby?”

Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 2.14.37 PM.pngDrew: “…I’d like to report a missing wing…”
I love this one

Wayne and Ryan use theirs for consecutive “COME ON BABY, PUSH!” ones

Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 2.15.39 PM.pngBrad: “Now our Igloo have cable!”

Drew ends by doing a Twilight Zone reference. Ryan and Drew started with Hitchcock and ended with Serling, which is a fun contrast

Great round of this. Ryan and Drew had the better ones, but it felt pretty fun all around

Overall: Solid show overall, with no bad games, a fun runner, some good work from all four and a long-lost game returning to kick ass, so I have no complaints here. Bartender and Party Quirks were the strong highlights, but I liked everything, even Props and SFAH. I liked that Wayne felt vulnerable tonight as he was responding to thong jokes, and I like that Brad felt angry in responding to the audience response.

Show Winner: Colin
Best Performer: Colin once again nailed it, mostly from Party Quirks and SFAH. You know you’re doing well when there’s collaborative stuff going on, and the camera still wants to focus on you.
Worst Performer: Wayne’s job was to be the victim tonight, and he did little else
Best Game: Bartender. Every segment made me happy.
Worst Game: Award Show isn’t great til that ending.

COMING UP NEXT: Right back into S5 we go with another Brad show, one that came from the same taping as the Hef show last season. And, funnily enough, we have another guest star from that taping. It’s nowhere near as bawdy as Hef- think of the cleanest possible TV legend. Yeah, and watch as she does some dirtier material.

Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S05E02, or Use The Bat-Tering Ram!

Couple reasons why I’m interested in getting to this one

  1. Kathy Griffin is our fourth seater, and she’s a very interesting case to talk about in 2020, because when she did the show in 2001, she was a very normal character actress, having been on Seinfeld and whatnot, and then after this she became a staple of the E network, became an overmakeupped patron saint of gays, held up a fake severed head of the president and now everyone has to pick a side with her. I always thought she was a bit too provocative for me, but this was a little before she really mastered that comedic persona.
  2. This is a guest star episode, but instead of someone kinda big like Hugh Hefner or David Hasselhoff, they got…Miss America, Katie Harman. Like Hef, very indicative of early-2000s culture. But yeah, Miss America’s here.
  3. This entire taping has several instances of the SINGLE MOST NOTABLE AUDIENCE MEMBER IN WHOSE LINE HISTORY. This lady has a very deliberate, memorable laugh, and we will hear this laugh NUMEROUS TIMES thoughout this episode and its sisters. So, everytime I hear this laugh, I will denote it by throwing a ‘HAAAEEEEHH’ into the writeup. Because that’s what it sounds like. It’s like a cat being thrown against a window.

Right. Got all that? Onto the episode

Hollywood Director: Hunky golf pro Ryan is giving a private lesson to flirtatious Beverly Hills wife Kathy, Wayne is Kathy’s elderly millionaire husband who rides in on his motorized cart to confront them because he suspects they are planning to steal his fortune

Drew: “Wayne is Kathy’s….elderly millionaire husband!”
Wayne: “THE ROLE I WAS BORN TO PLAY”

Ryan suggests Kathy keep her eye on the ball
Kathy, in a very fun European accent: “…I can’t keep my eye anywhere…except on that little ball you call a head…”

I love the detail that Ryan’s blender makes the exact same sound effect as Wayne’s motorized cart

Wayne’s very funny, going along the back of the stage, then accidentally passing onto Colin’s step because he can’t get the thing to stop

Wayne comes to a stop, then lifts up his little goggles
HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER ONE

I’m not sure how I feel about Kathy really being taken aback by Colin’s ‘crap’ intro line

Colin, to Wayne: “By the way, nice Moms Mabley.”
Drew:
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HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER TWO

Ryan does a ‘THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING’ at one of Colin’s comments. Unlike usual, Colin limits himself to a mumbled little ‘…muheeyyy’, which cracks me up

Ryan and Kathy as stand-ups have some really great back-and-forth, both doing bits with each other

Kathy, to Ryan: “Hey, nice shirt, WHO SHOT THE COUCH?”
HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER THREE. YES, I’M GONNA BE COUNTING THESE ALL SHOW

Wayne comes on, and Ryan and Kathy start booing his jokes and heckling
Wayne: “Well, you have fun at her 18th hole.”

Wayne, after Colin enters:
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Colin, to Wayne: “…you know, we ARE owned by Disney…”

Ryan and Kathy muttering German to each other is also pretty funny. Was not expecting those two to work so well together
Ryan even throws in a ‘HOGAAAAAAN’

Instead of coming in on the cart, Wayne goose-steps in.

All of the fake German being played straight is cracking me up, even when Ryan starts yelling ‘NEIN’

Ryan and Kathy are even great in the Obnoxious Drunks scene. My gosh.

Kathy has a great move in vomiting, then grabbing Ryan and kissing him. Which, to his credit, Ryan doesn’t seem too caught-off-guard by.

Wayne enters, loses control of the cart and falls downstage. So Kathy and Ryan start putting golf balls at him. That is funny

Drew buzzes, and you can hear Ryan go “oh, it’s so nice to kiss a girl instead…”

A very goofy, and entertaining scene. I was surprised how well Ryan and Kathy worked together, and how Colin kept screwing with Wayne.

Drew gives Kathy 2000 points for kissing Ryan
Colin: “I never get 2000 points for kissing him…”
Drew: “Because you LIKE to kiss him”
Ryan, of course: “It’s gotta be on the SHOW…”

Song Styles: Wayne sings to Katie, Miss America, as a boy band.

Drew asks Wayne how the wife is before he brings out Miss America. Oh, 2001…

Katie, who hails from Oregon, gets Northwesterner Ryan to give a ‘GO DUCKS’ from the seats.
Ryan, also in the back:
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Wayne has some surface level stuff, going ‘God Bless Old Glory’
Wayne, rapping: “Oh my goodness, you got class
OH MY, BETTER NOT RHYME WITH CLASS.
It would not be right, no no
Because we’re on a FAMILY SHOW”
As good as that joke is, if we’re on a family show, why bring on Hefner??

A pretty okay SS from Wayne. Again, only so many targets you can hit here. Katie seemed to enjoy it though

Scenes from a Hat:

Drew: “Unusual Things for a Neighbor to Ask to Borrow”
Colin: “Hi, I need some monkey testicles AND A COLA…”
Classic
Everyone takes a few moments to recover

“If you used stripper moves to do mundane activities”
Ryan, crawling around: “WHERE IS MY CONTACT?”
HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER FOUR

World’s Worst Thing to Say the First Time you See Someone Naked:
Colin, shaking his head as he comes down: “aw, that reminds me, my tire needs new treads.”
HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER FIVE

Strange Television Shows for Mister Rogers to Make an Appearance on is the first of many similar categories, but I believe that Fred had died by the time this aired
Wayne: “ALRIGHT APOLLO, GIVE IT UP FOR MR. ROGERRRRS”
Fred, as Rogers: “…well yes, I have to say that is mah final answer…”
Ryan, up to the camera: “…well…I’m gonna have ta vote out Billy..”

Disturbing Times to make Animal Noises:
Wayne, proposing to Kathy: [SQUEEEEEEEEAL]
Colin, peeing: [ROOSTER CAW]

A pretty good SFAH, and they let it go for a bit.

Living Scenery: Batman, who is Ryan, and Robin, who’s Colin, are in the Batcave when they get a call from Commissioner Gordon saying that Batgirl is being held in an abandoned mineshaft
Wayne and Katie are all the props

Colin is good enough to establish the stakes early, getting the call from the commissioner with Katie as the phone. He then remembers who he’s supposed to be, and tries for something: “HOLY….KIDNAPPING.”

There’s a confusion as to where the batpoles are, which gives Ryan the opportunity to slide down Katie.
HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER SIX
Colin wisely comes back up and goes down the Katie pole himself

Ryan first suggests they take the Batmobile, then realizes who he can work with, and reneges: “NONO, LET’S TAKE THE BAT-SCOOTERS”
Katie laughs at this, and struggles to keep it together as Ryan rides her as a scooter
Ryan: “I’m gonna drive around the block a couple times-”
Colin: “NO!”

I love the detail of Katie bending her leg outward when Colin notices Ryan has a flat

Colin, remembering again who he is: “HOLY….CLUE!”

Then, Colin picks up Katie and uses her as his utility belt, which is a very inspired choice. Katie, again, is laughing her ass off

Colin: “Use the bat…terring ram.”
HA.
Colin shrugs as this gets a middling response: “I’m just Robin, what do I know?”

Ryan, still holding Katie, decides to play Batgirl “a little song on the guitar”
HAAAEEEEHH NUMBER SEVEN

Colin starts playing Wayne as a bass, which is a very silly visual that nearly breaks him

There’s a moment where Ryan and Colin have to remember where they were, when Wayne does an out-of-shot ‘HELP ME’
Colin: “It’s Batgirl!”
Ryan, briefly turning this into Sound Effects: “She’s turned into a fly!”

Another fun moment, of Ryan setting up that he needs a bat-grenade, thinking he’s gonna get Katie…then Colin grabs Katie to use as a gasmask, and Ryan just:
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A pretty good Living Scenery, though not as good as last show’s. Katie was having a hell of a time, but Ryan and Colin had a few clumsy moments, especially late

Drew: “So what was that like sliding down Miss America, huh? Was it fun?”
Colin: “It was better than playing Wayne as a fiddle…”
Wayne: “So says YOU…’dear diary, today I became a man’..”

Props: Drew and Wayne vs. Ryan and Kathy

Another rare pairing, as Drew, who usually does Props with Ryan, is paired with Wayne, as Ryan’s paired with Kathy. Interesting.

Screen Shot 2020-02-13 at 3.05.25 PM.pngDrew, feebly: “Give me your tired, your poor…your huddled masses…”
The prop falls off his head halfway through

Screen Shot 2020-02-13 at 3.06.06 PM.pngRyan: “No, I’m known for my SHOES on the show…”

Screen Shot 2020-02-13 at 3.06.42 PM.pngKathy: “I cannot believe you came to this party dressed as Bjork too…”

There’s a nice back-to-back of Ryan and Kathy holding theirs up, going “WE’RE NUMBER FIVE”, and then Drew catching on with his, going “…WE’RE NUMBER EIGHT.”

A pretty strong Props round. I’m kinda surprised how well Kathy fit into this one as well. And again, there’s that Ryan-Kathy combo from HD.

Overall: A solid show without many real highlights. Honestly, some of the best moves of the show were just well-improvised moments, like most of Hollywood Director and the bits in Living Scenery where Ryan and Colin fought over who got Katie. Other than that, it was all pretty good, if unspectacular. Kathy Griffin, as we’ll see in the subsequent shows from this taping, brought a lot of fun energy to the proceedings, and was great at some improv fundamentals, especially in HD and Props. I’m also of the opinion that if WL did a Summer 2003 taping session, they would have asked her back, as she was a great fit for the show, and arguably one of the funnier women Dan & Mark asked on the program since landing in the US (is she the funniest? A sandy blonde-haired California-based improviser might have something to say about that)

The guest star material here was merely okay. Yes, Katie was into it, but I do feel like she could have brought more to the proceedings than just ‘being Miss America’. Then again, Miss America isn’t exactly a personality contest, is it?

Show Winner: Colin
Best Performer: Ryan, by a very slim margin.
Worst Performer: I really don’t wanna put anyone here. Everyone was so in step this episode. And as much as Wayne had a really good Director and Song Styles, he was shut out of the other games.
Best Game: Hollywood Director has the best picture of these four’s improv dynamic.
Worst Game: Song Styles was by no means bad, but was the most okay.
Final HAAAEEEEHH Count: SEVEN. Which is arguably restraint.
Guest Star Rating: 7/10 for Katie. Was happy to be here, laughed through Living Scenery, but you could have replaced her with anybody.

COMING UP NEXT: A renegade Season 4 taping, one we haven’t seen anything yet, but they’re putting their best foot forward. For instance, here’s an episode where Wayne wears a thong.

Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S05E01, or Look, it’s Crazy Ted!

Yes. Time to start Season 5 of Whose Line, the show’s last gasp of relevancy on ABC, and the last ‘new tapings’ the show would get for 10 years.

Season 5 is a very weird one to talk about, as so much of it has been denoted that it’s not exactly clear which tapings actually come from season 5. Most people regard true Season 5 stuff as material from the ten tapings done in the fall of 2001, as well as the renegade Season 4 tapings that didn’t make it into actual Season 4. I’m more difficult, and I don’t consider tapings like the two Kathy ones, one Chip one, one Jeff one and one Brad one that didn’t air any material in S4 as S5 tapings, since they’re not coming from the same sessions as the other S5 tapings.

Right. Now that I’ve confused all the casual fans.

Season 5 is also an interesting one in that A.) most of the tapings were well-reported onĀ  by fans and Whosers, and that B.) a lot of these tapings have a lot of material left to extract from to this day. A lot of time in S5 is devoted to unaired S4 material, which is…fine, but at least the other unaired S4 material got dumped into Season 7. Season 5 never had one season where all the unaired stuff got dumped like that. And that’s a shame, because we have a lot of material that was reported about by Whosers that has yet to be produced.

Nevertheless, we soldier on. This episode comes from the same taping as 4×14, the Whoopi Goldberg taping. The first episode from this one was good, but a little shaky for me.

The Whoopi ass-kicking continues from 4×14, as there’s a lot of repeated mentions that Whoopi’s on.

Questions Only: It’s the last night of an international singles cruise

Wayne starts the scene by freshening up, knowing he might kiss Whoopi
Whoopi: “Could you leave me alone?”
Wayne, pointing to Whoopi’s dress and going for it: “Is that the Color Purple?”
HAAAA

Whoopi replies with a Helen Keller joke that has NOT aged well.

Wayne: “Don’t you want some of this?” [does some sexy gyrating]
Whoopi: “Didn’t I HAVE that and threw it out?”
Wayne: [is aghast]
Whoopi: “Wasn’t it a little on the wee side?”
Wayne, not topping that: “…yes.”
BUZZ

Colin: “Do you want some of this?” [does some goofier motions than Wayne]

Colin: “CAN’T YOU MAKE ME A MAANNN?”
Whoopi: “Don’t you think it’s too late?”
[My god, she’s awesome at this game]

Colin: “…don’t you want to feel a pleasure that only one other woman has felt?”
Whoopi: “Is that the one who died?”
HA
I also love the wry smile that forms as Colin reacts to this

Colin: “…WHO’S TO KNOW 84 ORGASMS CAN KILL YA?”
Whoopi, barely holding on: “…ARE YOU TELLING ME…THAT YOU HAD 84 ORGASMS AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO?”
Colin: “Don’t you know it’s not the package?”
Whoopi: “…HAS SOMEONE LIED TO YOU?”

This tension eventually leads to Whoopi laying a very quick, cute kiss on Colin. Colin just smiles.
Ryan comes in next and has the ultimate comeback: “How’s it feel to kiss a woman for a change?”
MY GOD. So much of what the show’s become to this point is necessary for that joke to work, and it really hits

Drew deducts points from Whoopi for letting Colin give her “some of that Canadian Bacon”
Colin: “I’m the only white meat”

A very strong QO playing. My only gripe is that Ryan didn’t get to do enough, but Whoopi killed it, and had great chemistry with Wayne AND Colin, and kept the scene, and the threadline, going throughout

Two Line Vocabulary: Colin is the leader of the last few members of a space colony on Mars, they are under attack from enemy aliens and desperately trying to work out a plan
Ryan’s lines: “What is that?” and “I’m really in the mood”
Whoopi’s lines: “Have you thought this through” and “that’s impossible”

Colin nods at his character description.
Ryan: “…is he a man, or a woman?”
Drew: “…DOESN’T SAY…”
Colin: “okay!”
Drew: “If I was gonna guess….woman.”

Whoopi: “Have you thought this through?”
Colin: “…well…no, but…as your leader, I must appear as though I have.”
Whoopi: “…that’s impossible”

Colin: “That’s why I brought THE GUN”
Ryan: “What is that?”
Whoopi: “That’s impossible”
Colin, to both: “…it’s a GUN….IT’S NOT.”

Whoopi: “Have you thought this through?”
Colin: “LOOK, you ask me that one more time, I’m ripping your face off”
Whoopi, mockingly: “THAT’S IMPOOOSIBLE”
Wayne loves this one

Not a great one, as these lines were a bit more specific than usual, and they never really got anywhere.

Props: Wayne & Whoopi vs. Ryan & Colin

It’s not typical that they start with bizarreness, but Ryan goes with…elephants playing poker:
Screen Shot 2020-02-13 at 10.19.27 AM.png
Ryan: “…aaah, I raise ya three peanuts…”

Colin’s ‘gigantic tea restaurant’ gets Ryan laughing, which reminds me…RYAN AND COLIN DON’T GET MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO BE PARTNERS IN PROPS. It’s usually Ryan and Drew, or Ryan and the guest. Colin usually pairs with Wayne. Ryan and Colin haven’t been props partners since Season 1-era. And theirs were usually really fun (I think about the “dragging those things around” one)

Whoopi and Wayne do one where they use theirs as walking sticks, just wobbling around, but it’s dying.
Whoopi, to Drew: “BUZZ THE DAMN BUZZER, YOU KNOW WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE DOING!”
Wayne DIES at this

Screen Shot 2020-02-13 at 10.23.02 AM.pngColin: “….COME BOY WONDER, TO THE BATMOBILE.”
I have no idea why suggestions where the performer’s voice is muffled a bit by the prop are so funny. It’s like Ryan’s ‘Anorexic Tin Man’ one from S2.

Screen Shot 2020-02-13 at 10.24.11 AM.pngColin, muffled again: “DON’T ASK ME HOW, JUST GET ME OUT OF THE MAILBOX.”
Ryan cracks here. I’m really glad they reteamed for this one

Whoopi, as she’s about to start one, hits herself in the head with the prop, exclaiming “OW!”
Then, on the spot, she thinks of one, looks at Wayne, and goes “…are you swinging your nuts again?”
THE PLACE EXPLODES.
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I love that. Wayne just goes back to his seat. He is DONE.

A VERY FUNNY PROPS. Closer to the CW version in how wild it was, but man, Ryan and Colin were on FIRE.

Living Scenery: Ryan is trying to impress his girlfriend Colin at the carnival as they try out the rides and play the games (Wayne and Whoopi are the props)

Drew: “Ryan is trying to impress his girlfriend, Colin”
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Colin constantly being cast as the woman is one of my favorite WL series-emcompassing running gags.

When Ryan and Colin go on the roller coaster, both them use Wayne and Whoopi in different roller coaster suspension ways. Colin VERY QUICKLY fixes it, which cracks up Wayne
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Great improv moment- gotta match your partner, even if it makes a laugh getting it right

Wayne and Whoopi rear them back a bit for this
Ryan: “this one’s got padding in the back!”
THAT is a great line. Not quite to the caliber of a similar observation Colin makes in this game around 16 episodes from now, but close

Ryan pimps Wayne out and makes him go up as the ‘Big Bear Jamboree’, which has him do an entire animatronic bear related show by himself.
Whoopi, eventually joining in: “Welcome to the Big Bear Jamboree
We’re here with all our good friends, and you can watch us pee”
Drew: [gone]
Colin: “…I don’t remember THAT before..”

Wayne does a perfect recreation of a carousel horse
Colin, not giving him the satisfaction: “…oh, look, it’s Crazy Ted”
Wayne, holding in laughter, changes from a carousel horse to a crazy drunk guy within seconds

There’s a discombobulated ending (Crazy Ted returns), but this was a pretty good Living Scenery, though it took a bit to get going and took some routes that not every playing of this takes. I still liked it though.

Ryan, Colin and Wayne are still laughing about Crazy Ted back at the seats
Drew: “It’s Crazy Ted- ‘I JUST WANT SOME SOUP GODDAMMIT…”
Wayne’s gone again. He’s been especially giggly this show

Helping Hands: Ryan, hands by Colin, is a cold-blooded pirate captain who is showing new recruit Whoopi how to be a pirate

I love how right as the game starts, Colin hands himself the hook hand, and puts it on…AND THEN SCRATCHES HIS NUTS WITH IT. THIS IS WHERE WE ARE *STARTING*

Whoopi follows suit, and readjusts her crotch as she shakes Ryan’s hand

Ryan starts reciting a pirate verse as Colin is getting the hook stuck in the bottle mouth he’s holding
Ryan, looking down: “…it’s open, I guess!”

Ryan, after having a drink: “OOOH, HEY- THAT’S REAL!”
Not the only time Ryan will imbibe actual alcohol this season, though a cleaner version than later ones
Also, Colin has him go back for multiple sips. It’s late in the taping, so whatever

Whoopi has a smart move and mentions a spot around Ryan’s thigh, which has him go into where the whale bit him. It’s good move, as this game can go into just ‘Colin making Ryan eat horrible things’, but they can definitely do character stuff along the way. One of my favorite playings of this was a UK playing where Ryan played a depressed lounge singer.

Ryan, using a visual aid, accidentally opens one of the bananas
Ryan: “…THAT’S what he did to my leg…”

Ryan, of course, knowing Colin will eventually need the other hand, confesses ‘this ain’t a real hook’, so Colin can take it off

Colin shoves a banana in Ryan’s face, and he takes a chomp…and has an odd look on his face. Colin, as he does in this game, puts a hand under Ryan’s chin, thinking he’s gonna spit it out. Ryan, unusual for him, goes “naaah”, knowing it probably won’t be worth it. THAT’s a great deconstruction of other HH playings

Still, as Ryan needs to wash it down, he yells for Colin to get the beer bottle back again…and Colin has trouble with that. Colin also has a funny move in pouring out some of the beer and putting it on Ryan’s face as aftershave

Ryan, arguing with Colin: “HAVE YOU MET MY BIRD POLLY? MY BIRD. *MY* BIRD, NOT THE CHEST.”
Whoopi, trying to help: “You mean the one to the left, there?”
Colin reaches, and the parrot falls off the table
Ryan: “AAARRRR, YA KILLED IT!”

Whoopi tries to get Ryan to get back to food, as she knows that’s what makes this work, but Colin grabs…a periscope
Ryan: “….LET’S HAVE A LOOK.”
Colin just keeps pointing the thing down
Ryan: “…I SEE FOOD, ON THE TABLE.”

The big denouement of the scene seems to be both attacking chicken legs…except Whoopi’s a vegetarian, so she asks Ryan to do it.

Ryan, of course, takes another swig from the beer after this, and also takes a moment to let that digest, with an audible “aaah” as the beer goes down. He’s trying to stay in character, but he NEEDED that beer

The scene ends with Ryan singing a very silly song on a toy accordion, that Colin just violently pumps as he goes

SUCH A GOOD HELPING HANDS. Whoopi was very passive, but even she had some nice moments letting Ryan go for it. Meanwhile, Ryan had so much fun with this, between the beer, the botched chicken, the bananas, and the eventual accordion. So much fun stuff in this one, and one of the better playings of this over-played era of the game.

Three-Headed Broadway Star: Ryan, Wayne and Whoopi sing “When I Think About Your Pants” to Drew

This isn’t a Drew game, somehow, it’s in regulation. So…a lot of Drew games weren’t good enough?

Whoopi’s last minute change from ‘I’ to ‘I’M’ throws off Wayne, and he settles on a line of “wit….h”. Ryan and Whoopi look at him strangely at this

Whoopi, on a line, just goes “I DON’T KNOW”, which gets a look from Drew. I think it was less of a mental lapse of how the game works, and more of Whoopi not having a good one in the moment

“I crave your pants, so I have
Wayne: “…CHANCE.”
Whoopi: [cracks]

“When I dance beside you, your pants
Whoopi: “Sing”
Wayne: “….HELLLOOOOOOO”
My god.

A very fun final line, of “I can’t live without your pants, so I’ll just take them off”

A really good playing of this, and it was pretty impressive skill-wise, as there only a few lapses in judgment. The rest of this made a lot of sense and was very funny and coherent, and one of the better playings of this from S5, an era where there was less and less of it.

Overall: Much better than 4×14, and a truly strong showing that was WELL WORTH the publicized guest star in Whoopi. Last show, I worried that Whoopi’s star power was overpowering both the other 3 AND the guise of the show, and she was making a lot of the descriptions feel very questionable. I did not feel that in this one, as only Two-Line really felt like it was wasting her. The clear S5 guest participation games, like Living Scenery, Three-Headed and ESPECIALLY Helping Hands, were insanely strong, and gave Whoopi enough things to do without having her overshadow great performances from Ryan and Wayne. And the other two quick fire-ish rounds, which would be belittled in any other show like this, felt insanely strong, and gave some very LIVE moments between Whoopi and both Colin and Wayne.

Simply put, this show gave me some of the excitement and prowess that I was missing from 4×14. This should be the more wider-known Whoopi Goldberg episode, because she was as good here as she was in the other one.

Show Winner: All Four, I think
Best Performer: Colin, surprisingly, for carrying the first half of the show, and for introducing Crazy Ted.
Worst Performer: Wayne only really came up big in Three-Headed, but he mostly used the show to laugh at other people’s stuff
Best Game: Helping Hands, man. So many fun things happened in there.
Worst Game: Two-Line felt the most disposable

COMING UP NEXT: Now that you mention it, S5 of Whose Line is beginning a trend of staying away from Kathy Greenwood, as she may not have been able to make the fall tapings. At least they recruited other female performers, like Whoopi, and next show’s fourth-seater, an interesting one to talk about. Also, there’s a guest star that I always forget about.