After a decent start to things last week, Buzzcocks returns with another installment. This one, amusingly considering this series’ upcoming conquests, has no returning players, yet it’s a very eclectic mix of gets here. Chesney Hawkes is the one I’m kind of surprised hasn’t been on before, his early 90s #1 “The One and Only” was a pretty big deal, and I think it had some semblance of crossover success over here. Speaking of crossover success, Gregory Porter’s an American jazz vocalist who’s become very successful in the UK despite winning Grammys back home. And then you have the requisite comedian pick in Amy Gledhill, who’s coming up the circuit recently.
Greg says, of Amy, “the biggest animal she thinks she could take in a fight is a whale. Cause she’d fist its blowhole.”
We’re just…going there tonight..
Chesney grins and bears it as Greg makes the obvious ‘if you wanted multiple hits you shouldn’t have called the song The One and Only’ joke. Wasn’t ‘I’m a Man, Not a Boy’ successful too?
Greg asks Gregory, who’s noticeably frightened by this show, what he’s doing here
Gregory: “I had 3 wonderful nights at the Royal Albert Hall”
Greg: “and you thought ‘I need bringing back down to earth’..”
Greg mentions that he and Gregory have met before, “what I didn’t realize was that you and I were hanging out with a Chechen warlord:”
well, I guess HE’s not coming back on again…
[unless Rag’n’Bone Man has gotten up to criminal activities since the second album came out]
Gregory talks about his worry at the prospect of going on UK television because of the different colloquialisms and sayings that will be completely lost on him. I second this, it’s taken 9 years of covering this show to get most of the regional references.
Greg points out that Gregory’s favorite regional phrase is “I’m gonna climb the pine stairways”, which tickles Greg, Amy and Daisy.
Greg: “…ANYONE?”
Gregory has fun with this, the phenomena of someone pulling out a phrase that confuses you, like “I’m gonna chew the fat of a chicken leg”, or “I’m gonna shine the silver NOW, hahaaa”
Jamali: “Every one of them sounds like a metaphor for wanking..”
I also like Amy’s anecdote of being allergic to onions but just thinking for 30-odd years that it’s normal to get a headache when eating them. “But I keep eating them, and you’ll never stop me.”
Greg: “And I’ll never try to.”
Chesney talks about the time he said the New Kids on the Block “weren’t his cup of tea” in an interview with Smash Hits, then ran into Danny Wood in Boston. “Very tasty fellow, real carpet-carrying, muscle-bound bloke-”
Jamali, not believing what he’s hearing: “…carpet carrying…”
Chesney: “that’s another english phrase, Gregory”
Gregory: “I’M THROWN, MAN!”
PFFF. Chesney is very loose and very candid. I like how he notes that Danny “must have been an avid reader of Smash Hits.”
Chesney even says Danny pinned him against the wall for this
Greg: “Because you said his band’s not your cup of tea?”
Noel: “‘Cup of tea’ means something very different in America..”
Chesney also talks about having a fan who broke into his house, took pictures while he wasn’t there, and asked him to sign him. “I go ‘is that my fucking bedroom?”
Jamali: “…did you sign them?”
Chesney: “…yeah.”
I think we’re gonna be alright
The whole panel likes the punchline of A, even though I’m pretty sure it came from a comedy writer. I think it’s C, though
I don’t like that instead of actually having the team deliberate, we focus instead on some mini-rounds about Fred Durst. Let the panel be funny, the game itself has enough opportunity for that
It also gets into the hair Van Halen had, and then Greg’s, which Chesney even says ‘looks like me in ’91..”
…no, not really, I’m still getting Rik Mayall…
Noel: “Greg, you look like you’re emerging from a FIRE..”
There is something so silly about, on Amy’s spiked hairdo
Greg: “how did that stand up? Gel?”
Amy, with her Northern accent: “Soap.”
Greg, trying: “Seeeuop?”
FLOAD!
And then after Amy explains it was just soap and a bit of hairspray
Greg: “Bob’s your uncle.”
Gregory, who has to be playing into it: “WHO’S BOB???”
I kinda love that Gregory is using the ‘confused foreigner’ trope purposely while also having a great time
The answer, and yes they do eventually get back to the round, ends up being B.
Again, B seems like it was cooked up by a comedy writer, but I think it’s C. Also funny that 2 of 3 of these guys have been on the show.
Chesney: “I’ve met a lot of Smash Hits journalists in the past, and I’d wanted to headbutt maybe five of them..”
so Jamali asks him what kind of biscuit he’d be, and Chesney goes ‘chocolate hobnob’
Noel: “you’re more of a sponge finger.”
Noel’s trying his best but is still a consistent background presence on this show
Noel: “what about Greg? GARIBALDI.”
PFFF
Noel even says that C was clearly written by Greg
Noel: “It’s playful and poetic, it’s PURE GARIBALDI.”
Oh, so this has stuck
I’m not usually keen on the ‘facts about the band’ bits, but Greg explaining the Stranglers’ heroin-induced concept album about alien visitations is the exact kind of stuff I’d talk about given the opportunity.
Chesney: “I did once do mushrooms with Eddie Vedder and Billy Idol in a hotel in New York.”
Greg, pressing a button: “I AAAAAAM THE ONE AND ONLY.”
Of course. Of course he’s installed a Chesney button. From the makers of the Human button, the David Byrne yipping button, and the Spandau button.
Then, after Amy tells a story about going to a Pizza Express on hallucinogenics, Gregory quips “they told me this show was like Songs of Praise!”
Is this like when Daniel Powter thought this show was like Top of the Pops?
Very funny seeing, after Jamali completely disproves the plausibility of A, that being the correct answer anyhow.
The first round took up half the show. This, let’s be clear, is an issue.
Jamali’s confused booping does prevent me from getting the first intro. I do like that even Jamali knows he didn’t help, and goes ‘nailed it, bruv’ to Chesney after they finish.
It turns out to be I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan, which I think Daisy got within seconds
Greg: “In the video for I’m Every Woman, Chaka Khan wears five different outfits to represent every women in the world, if every women in the world looked like Chaka Khan in 5 different outfits..”
A simple joke, but he nails it.
Noel gets their second one, Heart of Glass by Blondie, easily because of how effortlessly Chesney recreates the guitar part.
Amy, standing up to do intros with Gregory: “this is an honor.”
Gregory: “the honor’s all mine.”
Amy: [freaks out]
Greg: “god, even I swooned..”
Y’see, when you get somebody like Gregory Porter, then I immediately know it’s Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles. Though I did hear Mark Lamarr in the back of my head trying to sing it over an intro that wasn’t Hit the Road Jack
Daisy, once the intro stops: “….fuck no, sorry.”
Amy, cutely: “it was good, though, wasn’t it?”
Greg: “do you want to stick with your original answer, ‘fuck no’?”
PFF
SOMEHOW NEITHER TEAM GOT THAT ONE. Jamali, perhaps jokingly, thinks it’s the Addams Family theme. It was the best intro of the bunch and you all draw blanks?
Though Daisy does admittedly yell out in anguish once she realizes what it was
The second one is Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder, and if Daisy doesn’t get this one I’m gonna throw things. Also, nice that there’s a version of this intro on this show that doesn’t involve Jonathan Ross’s invisible trombone
Daisy, inevitably, doesn’t know it.
Noel, before I can get too mad: “BRRRRING IT TO US, GARIBALDI.”
How is THIS working??
So Greg throws it over
Jamali, before Noel, who knows it, can guess: “THEME FROM THE DATING SHOW? Theme from Blind Date?”
I kinda love this move
Greg: “I’m afraid I can take only your first answer.”
PFFFF
Greg, over the appalled audience: “What a shame, Garibaldi’s so strict with the rules..”
Thankfully, Greg does take Chesney with the correct answer, admitting “I’m not gonna take Jamali’s answer.”
Noel’s ID Parade, the lead singer of Salad:
I love the simplicity of Greg’s intros. “#1, Salad, #2, MEAT.”
And he gives the audience a moment.
Greg: “…is it #3, potato-”
Everyone loses it. Even #3
Jamali, verging on obscure: “#3 looks like that woman who put the cat in the bin.”
Greg, fighting composure: “SHE DOES N..OT…..I just called her a potato, I can’t…”
Jamali: “#3 looks really happy to be out of the house, isn’t it?”
#3 is trying so hard not to laugh. It is so difficult with this bunch.
Greg: “I think 3’s having the time of her life..”
Noel points out how shy #1 is
Jamali: “she’s got her arms really tight, like she’s got a ghost in a headlock..”
As it turns out, Mirene from Salad now works with autistic young adults, and I know she knows what she’s talking about because she doesn’t use ‘with autism’ or ‘on the spectrum’. Go Mirene!
Greg, to Noel’s team: “yeah, shame on you..”
Daisy’s team gets to pick out Cleopatra Higgins’ sister Yonah:
Greg dubs #3 “Thatcher Thatcher Male Snatcher”, and by the time they cut to #4 she’s already shaking her head in disbelief.
Jamali: “Cleopatra were like my first crushes, so I know who it is and I can’t, like, look at them..”
Greg: “what’ll happen when you look at them.”
Jamali: “…same thing that happened when you look at Gregory.”
Daisy asks what Gregory thinks, and Gregory thinks they all look like musicians.
Greg: [purses lips awkwardly]
Gregory, catching on: “…I shouldn’t give individual observations, should I?”
Look, I think it’s charming
Gregory has all these flowery things to say about these people, saying #2 has extraordinary strength
Jamali: “she looks like she could carry a carpet..”
Gregory: “#3 is thinking for me. She’s transferring her thoughts into my mind, SHE’S THAT STRONG.”
Jamali, the realist: “…#3 looks terrified.”
Gregory does nail it in saying it’s #4, which does explain why she went down at the ID Parade intros.
Greg: “…say hello to Yonah, Jamali.”
Jamali: [waves awkwardly then looks away again]
In Next Lines, when Greg gives Noel a line from Golden Brown, you can see Noel and Chesney do the phonetic version of the line without knowing the actual lyrics.
Greg: “move in, now move out; hands up, now hands down”
Noel: “I’m a big Garibaldi.”
I’m glad Noel was able to keep this much leverage over Greg
Greg has this annoyed hiss of a reaction which I also love
Greg, confirming what round was cut, gives a line from Holding Back the Years, adding “it’s that FRECKLY PERV.”
Noel: “I KEEEP…HOLDING…GARIBALDI…”
IT JUST WORKS
Overall: I wanted this one to be better than it was. There was a great panel, a fun runner, some great lines, a great atmosphere, and Daisy’s whole panel was in a really fun mood. Unfortunately the first round took way too long and focused so much time on time-wasting digressions Greg made rather than letting the performers make them. Also, it just pisses me off still that we don’t have competitive captains like we did back in the day, and that it comes down to “you have 2 points, you need 2 to win”. Like, it really feels like the ‘game’ of NMTB is an afterthought at this point, and it’s just a chat show with more steps. I will say, somebody like Chesney was into the ‘game bit’, and the ending run of Daisy’s team crushing Next Lines is what the show should always be. I just wish it was geared more towards that than just the incidentals.
Best Regular: Noel, again, had the leverage over Greg
Best Guest: Chesney was in a really fun mood and really got the game. Gregory almost went here but some of his, knowing, confusion held him back
Best Runner: garibaldis
Coming Up Next: Another show with three newcomers, and considering we’ve got three NMTB returnees down the pipe, possibly the most anonymous show we’re gonna have this year.
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