The second I heard about this booking combination, I was very excited for it. Daisy May Cooper had talked about this one in an interview as being a blast, being absolutely wild, and I was excited to see it.
Now, finally…..IT’S DERE.
Daisy not only gets an appearance from Buzzcocks favorite Bez, in whichever form of coherency he shows up in, but his Happy Mondays bandmate Shaun Ryder, who also had a very drowsy appearance on the show. Meanwhile, Noel and Jamali get the more sensible panelist in Desiree Burch, American comedian, former sex worker, and person Greg yanked over from Taskmaster. So this is an exciting one for sure.
Greg: “If music be the food of love, I’m prediabetic, and realistically tonight, I’m not the only one.”
Even Greg knows what we’re in for
Bez looks like Michael Palin now. I know it’s been 15 years since he’s been on but man I was not prepared to see Old Bez. Shaun looks like Shrek now. And Desiree looks the best of everybody, and has lost a great deal of weight since Buzzcocks. Maybe Taskmaster’s been peeling the pounds off of her.
Just shooting the shit with Shaun and Bez is fun, cause at any point they just spew good. Shaun talks about washing Bez up in the bath, and being a postman as a kid.
Daisy: “I would have loved you to be my postman”
Shaun, taking a drink: “…you fookin’ wouldn’t…”
Jamali: “I was a paintball referee…and I got shot in the dick, and left..”
Again, the way he says things, the way he presents information, is just funny
Gotta say, for a round about the strange habits of musicians, Buzzcocks couldn’t have picked a better target than Matt Bellamy. As much as I love Muse, he’s a bit of a weirdo.
Noel actually brings this show back to its roots by making a comment about the Muse video, with a tentacle-legged woman in the bath: “you know why that woman had such a moody face? Cause it’s Shaun’s flat, and there’s plates in there…”
On what Matt Bellamy fears. I kinda love the juxtaposition of B and C. Really long one, that Greg somehow gets through without laughing, and CLAMS.
I also love that Bez and Shaun are just nodding listening to these.
Noel: “to be fair, Stubbygob is a better name than Muse, isn’t it?”
Just like last week, this feels like vintage Noel
Desiree says that clams are “like, Freudian”
Greg: “what, because they look like tiny, tiny vaginas?”
Desiree: “YES.”
Jamali: “THAT CLOSE?”
PFFF
Jamali: “that’s scary, innit, there’s nothing scarier than a closing vagina…”
Noel: “I feel like clams is just a funny word that you put in there, Greg…”
Greg: “…correct.”
Maybe it’s cause I’m a Muse fan, but I knew it was A, and the team knew it was A, cause…i mean, that’s Matt Bellamy for ya. I also really enjoyed that this round’s humor came from the team figuring out the answer rather than extraneous shit that Greg threw in.
Greg calls Justin Bieber: “the worst thing to come out of Canada, fighting stiff competition from Nickelback and the corpses of a thousand baby seals”, which, take out the Nickelback slam and that’s a Mark Lamarr joke.
Daisy: “That’s gonna get cut out, SURELY.”
Noel: “know what…people fuckin hate seals…”
I…love this show.
Bieber’s Indian insistence comes down to these:
Shaun, on Bieber: “he’s a talented kid, you’ve gotta give him that, he’s talented…he might be a twat, but…”
GOD BLESS THIS BOOKING
Greg, on Bieber: “he pissed into a bucket in a New York restaurant”
Desiree, resident New Yorker: “so does everyone…”
[…the hell you looking at me for, I’m from Jersey]
Desiree: “I mean, in New York, you’re lucky it’s piss..”
Bez refers to an event from the Mondays’ time in Barbados, a period which lost Tony Wilson so much money that it’s a wonder the end of 24 Hour Party People wasn’t just him sucking off a welshman for money.
Shaun: “I’m walking along and this big fucking baboon just drops out of the tree right in front of me…now, I HAVE been smoking crack all night…”
Honesty is key, Shaun
Shaun says that he just sort of stayed still and yelled “I’MMA FUCKIN KILL YA YOU C–“, “and the baboon just fucked off…”
Greg, recovering: “I did expect us to go from Justin Bieber to you smoking crack and chasing off a baboon…”
This show in a nutshell
Greg: “we have to UNFORTUNATELY get back to Justin Bieber”
Noel: “FUCK Justin Bieber…”
Bez says it might be C.
Daisy: “what you thinking, Shaun?”
Shaun: “erm….not much, uh.”
GIVE THE BOOKING PEOPLE A FUCKING RAISE RIGHT THIS INSTANT
Bez changes his answer to B, as Shaun and Daisy think that’s where it is
Shaun: “hey, don’t follow me, I’m always fucking wrong…”
SOMEHOW B IS THE RIGHT ANSWER, THOUGH.
Greg: “Chef Jean-Georges said it was a challenge, ‘but in the end my system was simple. For the song Peaches, I used peaches. For the song Baby, I committed an awful atrocity…and on the others, I just piped the name of the song on top of a quiche…”
Bez tells a [barely coherent, edited] story about chatting up Julia Roberts in LA once. “it’s like the fishing stories, it was that big, the one that got a way…you know, life could have been so different, y’knowhatImean?”
Can you imagine the alternate universe where Julia Roberts bangs Bez instead of Lyle Lovett??
For a change, ID Parade comes before Intros, and the task is for Shaun to pick out Bez’s silhouetted dancing from 4 marks. In concept, I reckon this could have been interesting, ooh, can Bez blend in, what if Shaun’s too drowsy to find the right one?
I like Bez, in walking over to the partition, saying to Shaun: “GET IT RIGHT OR IT’S OVER!”
THEN, ONCE THE CLIP ENDS:
YEAH, WHICH ONE OF THESE IS NOTED ADD-DANCING BOY BEZ?
Greg: “BEZZES STAND STILL. ALL BEZZES STAND STILL.”
Bez just sort of looks around, confused.
Daisy, in mid laughs: “BUT WE BLOODY KNOW WHICH ONE!”
Desiree: “I can’t…”
Greg: “D’YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING LONG THIS TOOK TO SET UP???”
Bez: [keeps moving]
Greg: “WE HAD TO BUILD THAT FUCKING FRAMEWORK…there’s not a FUCKING PERSON IN THIS ROOM WHO DOESN’T KNOW WHO BEZ IS.”
[Terry Hall, somewhere: “it’s #5.”]
Greg, in mid laugh/frustration: “Right, we’re gonna shuffle the Bezzes.”
AND GET SOME ADD MEDICATION IN #3!
Daisy: “It’s like being a parent and watching their kid at a nativity, and they’re being a really shit donkey…”
Greg has some funny intros, but my favorite was “#5, Joe Biden, the Bezident of the United States.”
Don’t look at me, I voted for Rowetta.
Watching all 5 Bezzes dance is very funny knowing that A.) it’s #1, and B.) Bez is trying desperately hard NOT to be obvious, despite clearly being #1.
Then, even funnier, as Shaun guesses correctly, Bez pulls a Wee Willie Harris and misses his cue to pop out, looking around curiously.
Greg: “…or not, you don’t have to…”
Shaun: “BEZ, COME OUT.”
Bez:
Good lord, man…
Turns out, that ID Parade was for Daisy’s team’s benefit. We don’t get one for Noel’s team. …Alright then.
Greg: “As Jack Kerouac once said ‘The only truth is music”, to which his friend replied, “yes, Jack, I asked you a question, did you shit behind those bins…”
You can just feel Greg struggling to keep from laughing here.
So, Noel and Jamali’s intro for Dancing in the Dark has the right idea, but Jamali comes in awkwardly with the drums and messes Noel up. It’s a clear melody, but it’s messy.
Greg: “I shouldn’t need to interfere, but just as a little bit of advice, totally ignore Jamali…”
Of course, Desiree gets it spot on, and you could tell Daisy knew it too.
For the second one, Jamali comes in at the same spot in the song, with a very similar drumbeat. He just looks at Desiree and goes “I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF RANGE” before continuing. I never would have thought he’d be so perfect for this show, especially considering how bad at intros he is.
I also love this cutaway to Desiree:
Same energy:
Greg, to a very confused Desiree: “DAAAANCING INNNN THE DARK…”
Noel does a version of this, cause it’s creeping Desiree out, where he doesn’t move his lips, then jokingly looks around as if he’s not doing it. I’m so glad he came to this version in a good mood.
Noel: “…because I do that at bus stops to scare old ladies…”
It ends up being ‘Funky Friday’ by Dave, which you literally could have made up and I wouldn’t have gotten. Maybe I don’t listen to a ton of UK pop, let alone pop, but I’d never heard that in my life.
Daisy, as Shaun readies himself for her and Bez’s intros: “this is gonna be a car crash, just to warn you”
Jamali: “I’m looking forward to this so much…”
Bez does his first one WITH maracas, and it’s as bad as you might think:
They have to start it again and it still doesn’t make sense. Greg’s going “what the FUCK is this?”
Shaun, thinking it’s one of his own songs: “…Loose Fit?”
Bez, pointing with both fingers: “NEARLY!”
Greg: “….WHICH IS A PRETTY SWEET CLUE FOR NOEL’S TEAM….”
Bez literally tries motioning it to Shaun, NOT COVERTLY. Bez has gone from just…flashing Jeff Green the card to now playing charades.
As they play in ‘Kinky Afro’, which the intro sounded nothing like, you can hear Shaun smirkingly go ‘NOW I get it…”
Somehow, though, Shaun gets their second intro, Moving Too Fast, pretty spot on. I got a laugh out of Shaun saying to Bez “no, I got it off YOU going ‘NEHH…NUH NEH NEH NEH NEHHH…”
Greg has a very funny prompter joke about John Erskine, involving a small toy piano that he tries pounding out and FORGETS TO SWITCH ON.
Greg: “The next round is called Kill Your Television, which is the only Ned’s Atomic Dustbin reference you’ll see on television this year.”
why do I feel like someone was just talking about them, though…
Noel’s team has to figure out which of these things is true about Bez’s appearance on Bargain Hunters:
Greg has to stop after reading C in his head. He tries getting through it three times and simply cannot. Not as dysfunctional as ‘choco choco chomp chomp, but close.
As they deliberate, Noel challenges Greg to say C again, a lot like last week.
Greg: “I can do it, then”
Noel: “How much d’you want to put on it?”
Noel bets 100 dollars, Daisy bets a grand, all that Greg can’t get through without laughing. This is…high stakes.
Greg, to the prompter man: “let’s fucking party.”
Noel, as Greg gets ready: “don’t think about the imagery as you’re reading it…”
I love that line
So Greg rereads the first two, can’t get through either without laughing but makes it clear to Daisy that the condition was C…and then gets to it.
Greg: “or…he had to be spoken to, by OH FUCKIN…”
Daisy: “YEEEEEAAAHHHH!”
Greg, exhausted: “what’s the answer?”
Noel: “we don’t care! We’re just saying C because we just want you to say C!”
Greg: “so what d’you think the answer is?”
Noel, denying a refilm: “C. WHAT WAS C, CAN YOU REMIND ME AGAIN?”
This is diabolical
Greg mentions Boy George’s appearance on the A-Team, which “we’re not allowed to show for copyright reasons”. YOU COULD SHOW IT BACK IN SERIES 11 OR WHATEVER. Come on, times have changed that much?
Detailing the choices for the musician trying to act on Heartbeat, Greg describes Cliff Richard as “mysterious Christian”, which cracks Daisy up.
Shaun: “I wish I was at school during the 90s, cause I’d be 30 years fookin’ younger.”
Dude is lawfully funny just cause he can be.
Shaun, quite impressively, remembers that it was Gary Barlow, cause he used to watch a ton of soaps. Of course he did.
The actual clip of Gary Barlow obviously being Gary Barlow in Heartbeat [“go away Mickey” “AH THINK I WILL BE. FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS.”] is insanely funny.
Greg: “Barlow called the appearance “the worst thing I’ve ever done”…..was it, Gary?”
[REPEATED CUTS TO CLIPS FROM A TAKE THAT VIDEO INVOLVING SMEARED SHAVING CREAM, JELLO ON HIS CHEST, AND FARTING IN SOMEONE’S FACE]
…well done everyone involved
Next Lines: “one to the eyeball, one to the nose”
Noel: “One to Wonnacott’s trousers!”
Greg laughs mockingly at that one
I will say, Desiree’s knowledge of 90s/00s pop music gives Noel’s team a huge edge in this round.
Greg: “Noel’s team, you got 4 right”
Noel: “I THINK YOU’LL FIND IT WASN’T US TWO…”
So…Shaun rolls off lyrics to some Black Grape songs, and also to Step On. Meanwhile, Daisy confuses Adele with Lionel Richie and thinks the Freakout next line is ‘Le Chic…ce Freak.” WHICH ONE OF THESE PEOPLE TOOK LOADS OF DRUGS FOR TWO DECADES???
The show ends in a tie because…peak chaos yields those sometimes.
Overall: When I saw this booking, I hoped it’d yield one of the strongest shows of the season, and it so did. I think I liked this one better than E3. While last week’s was a mess in all the worst ways, this week’s show was a well-refined mess, with Bez and Shaun having a great lawful time while also having fun with their own awkwardness. Noel’s entire panel felt strong and worthy of the originals, with Desiree coming off like a Sara Pascoe or Jo Brand in how much she knew in addition to how funny she was. And while the lack of an ID Parade for Noel is sad, the entirety of the ID Parade failure with Bez was worth it in the best ways. Pretty much every round works, the Greg laughter mishap was funnier than last time because it happened in a better show, and Bez may have been more coherent than his last two appearances combined. I really enjoyed this one, and wish they could all be this good.
Best Regular: Noel, once again, was on fire.
Best Guest: Shaun had the best sound bites and leaned into the show’s strengths while also still being himself
Best Runner: Wonnacott’s trousers
COMING UP NEXT: Apparently IT’S CHRIIIISTMAAAAAS, as the Xmas show is the penultimate of the season, rather than the last one. Ah well, we reunite with an old friend and feature a very impressive 80s booking.
In which Jordan writes about stuff 