Mock the Watchdown: S09E13, or Mr. Dennis Has Straightened Himself

Last compilation of the series, the Christmas compilation. All episodes are in play.

This intro was also filmed at the taping for E10. Dara is smirking through this one, as it’s clearly too early to be talking about Christmas, and the audience is chuckling at that. Afterwards, he remarks “…now will that work with the AUDIENCE LAUGHING MIDWAY THROUGH?”

from E8, talk of police cuts:

Micky talks about the police federation not answering on the cuts to the force. “Straight to answerphone. ‘Your crime is important to us…”

Ed suggests sponsoring the police, like buses. “I don’t see why the police would be any less productive if they had a big Gregg’s logo on the back of their jackets”
Andy: “they actually do have a slogan, if you look on the police cars they say ‘working for a safer London’, as if we didn’t know what the police were doing. What d’you expect to put on the fire rangers. ‘Working for a less-hot Britain’?”

Miles suggests that policemen should work, “like a barman in New York”, just for tips. “You can say to them, hey, if you give me my wallet back, I’ll give you some of the money in it. It’s just rewarding how good they are, you know, pass a bucket round at the end of a riot..”
Miles is pretty damn good already

Dara also mentions the head of police calling the 25% cutbacks “Christmas for criminals’. Which actually sounds kind of sweet. They all sit down and have a stolen turkey..”
[Dara just described American Thanksgiving, actually]
Dara: “I got ya an ipod. ‘I HAVE an ipod’…”..no ya don’t.”
Miles: “Christmas isn’t a good day for criminals. Everyone’s in!”
I love the look on Dara’s face as he realizes the flaw in that

Ed: “it’s also the one time of year where you won’t look suspicious wearing a great white beard and holding a big sack over your shoulder.”

Great bit. Should have been in the episode, but I understand completely why it’s in the Christmas special. Great for Micky and Miles, who could have had more stuff in that episode

DARA HAS A BIG HEAD: from E5

OF COURSE THEY RERUN THIS ONE. Basically as aired, but somehow they take out Stewart’s ‘forget about it’. DID SOMEONE COMPLAIN? ‘DEAR BBC. WHY OH WHY OH WHY…hang on, I forgot what I was writing about’.

Picture of the Week, from E8:

Stewart: “…George Michael’s gone on holiday.”
BAM
Andy: “has a helpful passerby gone…’back a bit…back a bit…”
Micky: “has Vanessa Feltz overestimated the effectiveness of her gastric band?”
THAT ONE got me

Hugh: “is that a fireman on the ladder saying “I’m SURE there’s meant to be a caravan around here somewhere”
I like that one. Just understated simplicity

It turns out to be the police doing an earthquake training drill.
Hugh: “they might as well be training for an iceberg hitting Wolverhampton”

Ed: “it’s not really earthquake training, it’s just that ‘terrorist bomb training’ would be a bit of an alarmist thing to talk about”

Micky: “I mean, the police training for an earthquake is a lot like Anne Widdicombe walking about with a condom in her bag”
MICKY IS ON FIRE
The audience…takes a moment
Micky: “what are the chances of anyone really wanting to shag her?”
Ed: “no, WE GOT THAT…”
Micky, chuckling: “I thought that you lot MIGHT…”
Stewart, perfectly: “guys, she doesn’t have that condom ANYMORE..”

Newsreel: from E10

Pretty par for the course. I love Philip talking to a lady salesperson and Hugh going “what are you doing on Christmas Day, I have a bit of a window at 3 o clock..”

Not a lot to write home about here. I can see why they’d eventually phase this game out to just compilation-only.

From E4

From here on out they’d intentionally pepper in bits they know they’d include in the Christmas special. However, a lot of these can come from May. So Dara just chuckles asking Milton what he’s gonna be doing for Christmas. IT’S A LONG WAY TO GO.

Milton: “I often feel like Joseph at the inn at Bethlehem, holding a crib of straw and going ‘no, I wanted to see the MANAGER.”
I like this one. Milton’s devoutly Christian, and while he isn’t very preachy on the show, he does occasionally dip into material that does well with the Bible crowd.
Also, it kills with the panel. You can just see Andy slowly falling under the desk. Milton smirkingly goes ‘the manger’, as if he needed to explain it.

Cocoa Beans, from E5

I like the point Dara makes about how people react to someone buying the majority of the world’s cocoa like a novelty but not when someone buys the majority of the world’s property or gold.

Stewart: “what he was doing, and Dara you’ll appreciate this, is getting a head start..”
YES
DARA NEARLY DOUBLE TAKES
Stewart: “…on his competitors.”

Dara: “because apparently he bought nearly 250,000 tons”
Russell: “that can nearly fit on your head.”
IT JUST KEEPS GOING
Dara just…rolls his eyes at the camera

Andy, in the middle of Dara’s next joke, just wheezes to a laugh
Dara: “just let it go”
Andy: “did you hear the SIGH IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR OWN SENTENCE?”
Dara: “I can’t believe I let you all have that for free…CAN I FINISH THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE?”
Andy: “you’ve probably got LOADS OF SENTENCES.”
…that’s a bizarre line. I kinda love it
Chris: “what’s funny is that you probably think this is gonna finish after the show.”
YEP. This is a SERIES runner now
Dara: “I’m sure they’ll never mention that again, and MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC won’t mention it either..”
just wait til Megabus gets involved

Ed: “oh, Dara, is it yourself, or is it an eclipse?”
THIS IS SO GOOD
Chris: “is that why you studied astrophysics, so that you could understand YOURSELF?”
Russell, for good measure: “FUCK, YOUR HEAD’S BIG.”

Wizarding World of Harry Potter: from E2

Oh yeah, I remember this. I’ve BEEN there, in Orlando.

Andy has a great bit about a guy whose prosthetic leg came off on one of the rides. “Imagine you’re waiting to go on this ride and a bloke hops off going ‘I’ve just lost my leg!”
Dara: “if ya had a prosthetic, ya’d loosen it, wouldn’t you? You’d do that for the craic..”

Okay, so here Russell says that ‘the only people going to this are [whistles]’, like he’s now demeaning massive Potter nerds. WE WERE THERE IN SERIES 5, RUSSELL. Don’t turn your nose up now!

As I say that, Jack has even more of a ‘turn one’s nose up’ joke about it, calling it children’s literature and ridiculing adults who like it. MY GOD, JACK. Ten years from this you’ll be in the fucking Clifford the Big Red Dog movie. And you’ll be going ‘COME ONE, COME ALL TO JUNGLE CRUISE’. You don’t need to be such a prick!
And he has an even more ignorant bit about ‘the book is better than the movie’. I am so excited to nearly be done with this man.

Nik talks about ‘Kidditch’ being popular in South Africa.
Russell: ‘it’s Quidditch. Cause you said Kid-itch, that’s a very different sport”

From E5, Selfridge’s 

Dara: “how will one shop be getting into the festivities?”
Hugh: “are they gonna be selling REALLY BIG HATS?”

Dara: “This bit’s gonna appear in the Christmas special and is gonna have NO RELEVANCE to anything”
Russell: “let’s sing it together, DING DONG MERRILY ON HIGH…”

Hugh: “you know one thing they don’t sell at Selfridge’s, which is interesting, is fridges.”
…the best

Andy makes fun of Selfridge’s selling a massive donkey. “You can imagine people wanting maybe a little nativity scene, but there’s not much point in having a little Joseph and a little Mary and a GIANT DONKEY. It won’t look like something out of the bible, it’ll look like something out of SHREK.”
Dara: “where’s the baby Jesus? …he’s been eaten by the donkey!”

Russell mentions he’s been asked to do the Bath lights again. “I can’t take that-”
Dara: “cause you know you were turned down the first time?”
Russell even mentions that Johnny Depp’s been around Bath, which…oooh, not a great time to be talking about him

Stewart, who cannot resist: “Dara, you once did the Maidenhead ones, right?”
Andy: “is this joke gonna run and run all the way through to Christmas?”
Dara, shaking his head: “…forever.”

Another great bit from E6. Man, they just KNEW the supplemental big head stuff would be a hit.

Extra Bits:

-Opening of E9, something falls in the middle of Dara’s standup and he doesn’t miss a beat: “joining me this week are Andy Parsons, Kevin Bridges, and THAT WON’T BE HELPFUL.”
Though I honestly think, with Patrick Kielty next in the lineup, that still would have worked.
Dara: “i’m presuming microphones in OTHER STUDIOS picked that up…”
Hugh: “that’s half the compilation sorted out…”

-from E3, in between
Russell: “Hugh just reached down his trousers and said to me ‘I have to rearrange Mr. Dennis”
JESUS
Chris: “that’s what I call MY PENIS!”
Hugh: “the problem was, I couldn’t actually FIND Mr. Dennis”

-A BIG SCUFFLE FROM E5. Andy eggs on Dara to guess the answer, and Dara exclaims he has the answer written down
Andy: “WELL IF YOU’RE BORED OF US GUESSING, YOU SAY WHAT IT IS!”

-E3, at break
Micky, being fixed up: “…you want me to straighten Mr. Dennis for you?”
Hugh: “If i’m honest, Mr. Dennis has STRAIGHTENED HIMSELF…”

-E3 pickups
Dara: “which unexpected guest turned up at this year’s event?”
Russell: “Rod Hull?”
Chris: “Darth Vader?”
Dara: “…not Rod Hull…NOR DARTH VADER.”
I love the random guess of Rod Hull. Just…him and Emu running around at a royal event.
Dara: “frankly, if you’re not gonna take this seriously…”

-E3 SWLTS, there’s an issue with the mic and they try fixing it on Hugh, but he’s the tallest one there
Ed: “why don’t you try measuring it against the shortest person?”
Dara: “right, Russell, could you…”
Russell, taking the mic: “…WHEEEEEERE IS LOOOVE?”
PFFFFF.  Now we know why he left

Ed, to Andy: “somebody didn’t get the memo about how he has to be called Mr. Howard”
HA. Russell AND MICKY love this one

Hugh: “MR. DENNIS MEANS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.”

-E4, Dara playing around with the Paul the Octopus toy
Russell: “that’d be a good prank, come in and have it cello-taped to your face”
Dara puts it below the desk
Andy: “…NOT WHERE YOU’VE GOT IT AT THE MOMENT.”
HA
Dara: “it’d be a hell of a codpiece..”

Scenes We’d Like to See: 

-Bad Things to Hear on a Commercial Space Flight, a new one from the E5 taping:

Stewart: “Houston, I don’t like cliches, but…”
HA

Andy: “passengers are asked to disembark at Mars to catch the bus replacement service to Croydon”

Russell, being himself: “AHHH I’M GIVING BIRTH TO AN ALIEN- haaaa, your faces…”
Andy: “and today’s in-flight movie is going to be Apollo 13.”

Stewart: “passengers looking out the right side of the craft will see the moon, the moon of course, and passengers looking out the left side, that’s Dara O’Briain.”
BOOM

A bit too many easy space jokes, but fun stuff

-Unlikely Things to Hear at Christmas, from E11

Hugh: “your present’s under the tree…I won’t tell you which one, there’s the forest, here’s a spade!”
I kinda love this one
Andy: “coming up, how to cook giblets- I’m terribly sorry, it’s Madonna live in concert”
PFFF

Chris, as Stephen Hawking: “I’m all for fun…but I draw the line at twister.”
Yeah, he’ll fit in just fine

Ed: “and we’re very saddened to learn of the death of Santa Claus, but if you’re known for wearing a white beard and living in a grotto, it’s only a matter of time before the Americans bomb the shit out of you.”
i’m very glad Ed stuck around

Miles: “dear Santa, please can I have a less violent stepdad.”
PFFFFF. Miles, noting the reaction, goes “that’ll go on the DVD”

Andy: “this year, I did the cooking Nigella style. Which means I did the cooking while your dad cracked one off.”
GOOD GOD.

-One last ‘Merry Christmas’ from E3, after Dara starts fanning his nipples due to the heat in the studio

Takeaways: Much fuller compilation, thanks to the glut of material from episodes 3, 5 and 8. Lots more from Miles, Micky and Stewart, and lots of really funny stuff from there. Though you’ll notice that no women actually said anything this show, which is still kinda problematic. We only really saw Andi and Zoe as well, and neither did a great deal. Definitely a fuller summation of what made this show work this series 9

SERIES 9 SUPERLATIVES:

Best Episode: E5, the ‘Dara has a big head’ episode, with perhaps the single best stacked panel of the series, with Chris Addison, Ed Byrne and Stewart Francis all joining in, bouncing off each other and going after Dara. Joyous, especially that second half.
2nd Best Episode: E1, which proved that we were immediately improving after a down Series 8, thanks to a big night from Milton, some really nice energy coming from the rising Chris and the falling Russell, and the initial task of covering the coalition government.
Worst Episode: E2. I still have no idea what the hell they were going for here. Three completely untrusted guests, including a timely but obnoxious south african comic, Jack Whitehall still failing to make an impact on this show, and Jarred Christmas trying but still not completely fitting here. I think they were trying to recreate the all-nations atmosphere of Series 6’s Olympics episode, but they fell flat on their stomach.
Episode Most Deserving of Another Look: E8, the first episode after Russell’s departure. I remember some good stuff from this one, and this was the first show where Micky began to come out of his shell and start his domination that’d be in bloom next series.
Best Regular: Andy Parsons. The man ruled almost the entirety of the second half of this series, from the moment Russell’s regular-ship was in doubt right through the homestretch. I think everyone realized how valuable Andy was after this series.
Best Recurring Guest: Chris Addison. Even before Russell leaves, Chris is already coming off like a regular, and is right there bouncing off of Dara and Hugh.
Worst Performer: Jack Whitehall, for posterity’s sake.
Best Newcomer: Micky Flanagan, winning me over almost immediately with his lower-key delivery and incredible stand up rounds.
Performer We Wish Wasn’t Done After This Series: It’s been swell, Russell. The future’s all yours.
Best Dynamic: Chris and Dara, narrowly edging out Stewart and Dara.
Best Compilation Bit: Mr. Dennis, E3.

COMING UP NEXT: A new series begins. An old friend we haven’t seen in a bit, whose relationship to Dan & Mark was just solidified in the offseason, returns with some other good choices, to take some people down off their pedestal. Or…pede-ladder.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E12, or You’d Like the Bananas to Pause?

At long last, the first of two end of the series compilations for Series 9 of Mock the Week. All episodes are in play.

The opening is from the recording of E10

From E5: Sussex Police Uniform Leaflet:

Russell, explaining this: “otherwise there are policemen in west Sussex walking around like this:”

I have no idea how Russell can consistently make this visual work

Russell: “I think we should do more patronizing leaflets for them”
Dara: “left leg, then right leg, then left leg…QUICKER, if he’s running away from you!”
Russell: “wouldn’t it be great if it’s really patronizing? ‘going undercover does not mean turning up with a duvet on your head!”

Dara: “my favorite part is ‘your utility belt should only feature items issued by THE FORCE.”
Chris: “…a lightsaber.”
Dara: “yeah, a lightsaber basically.”
Russell: “that’d be great if you just had a tiny Yoda…that sounds like a euphemism for a penis…”
Stewart, of course: “I HAVE ONE…’

Hugh: “apparently the correct way to be a policeman is to be TWO/THIRDS OF THE SIZE.”
I love that observation
Chris: “Budget costs, Hugh…”

Very, very funny bit. You saw more of vintage Russell here, rather than the easier-stuff he did this series.

Blair Memoirs: from E7

Yes, this includes the infamous Churchill bit, pretty much as aired. Thank god, that was one of the best bits of the series.

What on Earth, from E5:

Russell: “that’s Kerry Katona”
…look, it was funny when Frankie did it…

It’s about them not painting over the badger
Chris: “aren’t there always gaps in white lines? Are they all dead badgers? Is that the system?”

Stewart: “they didn’t paint it, but if they did paint it there’d also be a story, so I’m kinda in the middle of the road on this one.”
Stewart is perfect for this era

Andy: “I think they should have continued the white line, but around the outline of the badger, like it was some sort of murder investigation.”
Dara, as this has played perfectly into his hands: “…like THIS?”

Hugh talks about eating badger as well as a blackbird pie, “I did it for a program”
Russell: “what kind of program was that? ‘Let’s Make Hugh Eat Weird Shit?”

Stewart: “in an effort to cheer up the badger, Paul Gascoigne was seen in the area…holding an empty bottle of Cava, a can of spam and a Savage Garden CD.”
This is a very good joke, I just miss the chicken and the fishing rod

Newsreel: from 8×03

Yes, because this is a year-end special, we’re getting a newsreel from Series 8. Not a bad one, but…yeah.

Obesity Discussion: from E10

Andy: “you notice that they never show their faces, right? They always show them from the middle area. And you’re thinking if we’re really trying to lose weight, maybe they SHOULD show their faces…and go ‘LOOK AT THIS ONE!!'”
Dara gives him a look that makes Andy crack up
Dara: “…’LOOK AT THIS ONE’?” THIS is your policy? The shaming of the obese? ‘THIS ONE IS VERY FAT. CHASE THEM. CHASE THEM WITH STICKS!”

Andy also questions the supermarkets saying they’re trying to help fight obesity. “If they really cared about our health, they would give us trolleys which are harder to push to give us a cardiovascular workout, and they’d make the chocolate and biscuit aisle only a foot wide, so no fat people can get in it!”
That one got me. As it does most of the audience

This is a great Andy showcase in a very Russell-Hugh-Chris-centric compilation thus far

Discussion on Druids: from E11

[if there’s anything about a bee-gee in here, I swear…]

Hugh talks about the time he had a Druid gardener once, whose lateness excuse was “I would apologize for being late, but I don’t believe in the concept of time.”
Dara: “did you not point out that you were paying him by the hour?”

I did laugh at a Jack joke here about the time he and his classmates made fun of some Druids and his teacher clapped back “Whitehall, I don’t know why you’re laughing, you know they like to SACRIFICE virgins…”
Dara, making the joke for me: “we’ve got to book THAT GUY, he’s good!”

Kind of a weak bit but the anecdotes made it

Health and Safety: from E1

Chris has a very disgusting anecdote about a colleague who sliced himself up the middle and his balls popped out, that at least has some funny details but man is it gross.

Russell, getting back to Health and Safety: “i heard that trainee hairdressers aren’t allowed scissors. What are they gonna do, just use their teeth? ‘This is Sandra, she’s gonna chew your perm out..’

SatNav voices: from E8

This is a funny roll-out of the comedic point: Dara brings up that Sean Connery was announced as the top selling SatNav voice, beating…Dara O’Briain.
Andy: “and who was in third place? George Clooney.”
Dara: “…yeah, I beat Clooney.”

Ed: “and Dara, how long has your mother been running these surveys?”
The Dara-Ed relationship is never not gonna work for me
Ed does a phenomenal impression of what a Dara Sat-Nav would sound like, fast-talking and with occasional ‘AAAAAH’s

Dara: “I once got an email from Stephen Fry, who was sitting in an airport in Africa and did I know that my surname was an anagram for Nairobi?…what do you say to that? ‘UH, THANKS, STEPHEN?”

Commonwealth Games: from E10

This includes the carnival of animals. I second this inclusion, this is a hysterical bit.

There’s a following bit, where a Picture of the Week doesn’t go in on time and Andy guesses “IS IT MONKEYS?”

Extra Bits:

-from E7, Dara’s earpiece falls out without him knowing it.
Dara: “I thought it was elves [under the table]”
Hugh: “this is just introduction to old age for you”
Milton, slyly: “next you’ll be losing your hair…”

-from E5, a crew member has to kneel under Chris’s desk to get something, with…of course, the connotation.”
Russell: “HE’S ONLY A GUEST.”
…not for long

-from E10, Chris launches some candies at Jack.
Dara, in the middle of something: “…are we really filming this shit, could ya just…”
And he asks everyone politely “don’t break out the sweets just yet”
Hugh:

Hugh is still the heart and soul of this show

-from E7, during pickups, Milton, on the stand up round step, nails a candy launched right in his mouth. Dara stops and freaks out about it.

-pickups, E2, Dara, talking to production: “would it help you if half the performers weren’t eating bananas?”

That’s great
Hugh: “…HEY-HEY, WE’RE THE MONKEYS!”
HAAAAA

Dara: “so, seriously, you’d like the bananas to pause, just for a second?”
I love that. Saying it genuinely to production, but also strictly aloud so they can all hear it

-pickups for E8, “he’s working on his own show for the BBC three, but we start with a round called-”
Ed: “you said THE BBC 3”
Dara: “shutup, shutup…I’d like to get out of here at some stage tonight”
Ed, perfectly: “wellll then maybe ya shouldn’t have fucked it up then!”

Dara: “*I* call it THE BBC3”
Ed: “what’s your favorite band, THE OASIS?”
Andy: “he’s gonna be shit as a SatNav. TURN…THE RIGHT.”
This is hysterical

Scenes We’d Like to See:

-Unlikely Things to Hear at a Party Conference, from E10, A NEW ONE

Chris: “it’s Blunkett, shh, he’ll think we’ve all gone!”

Jack stops the round cold with an issue about the mic. Man, I am so excited to be done with him in a few episodes.

Hugh: “MILK, BREAD, JAMALOIDS….I BELIEVE….i have been reading from the wrong piece of paper!”

This round is great for a lot of small bits in between, like Hugh and Chris stepping down at the same time, Chris stepping back to come in again, and Hugh following him out of habit. THEN JACK FIXES THE MIC AGAIN. WHAT IS GOING ON?

Hugh: “I am not in the power of the unions…there, I said it, now let my children go.”
Chris: “it is not ourselves we have to convince, comrades, it is the british public and THEY…are fucking stupid.”

-Things you won’t hear in a cookery show, from E8. As aired.

Takeaways: Some good stuff in here, but lots of stuff that I didn’t need to see. The majority of material came from episodes 5, 8 and 10, which isn’t bad. Chris, Andy and Hugh came off well, and Russell did get some stuff on that would have made his later shows a little better. Some fun bits, like Dara’s SatNav saga, the bananas, the candies and the police leaflet. Not overpowering, a lot like this series.

COMING UP NEXT: The Christmas compilation

Mock the Watchdown: S09E11, or Where’s Wujin?

The very…tumultuous Series 9 wraps up regulation with a sort of review of what we’ve learned. Chris Addison is a solid option, Jack Whitehall is more dangerous and volatile, Miles Jupp is a cool, unlikely solid recurring guest, and Ed Byrne always works in a jiffy. I just really, really hope this one’s better than the last few shows

Ed, by the way, is glasses-less and has a suit jacket on, so he looks a lot more like his S3-era self

Headliners: S.C.D.C.

Ed: “Is it ‘Stop Claiming Disability, Chavs’?”
HA

Miles, with a different approach: “I’m not sure what the answer is, but there certainly is two c-words there, isn’t there?”

Ed: “He’s forgotten his hand-puppets, this is a little act he does called ‘Saint Cameron, DEVIL CAMERON’ ‘oooh, I’m just an ordinary bloke that cares about the common man!’ ‘OOH, BURN THE POOR!’ ‘stoppit, devil Cameron!”
He’s just in such a silly mood so far

Hugh: “is he quite simply saying ‘starving children don’t care?”
Chris: “Is it everyone he doesn’t like? Socialists, chavs, dossers and the Chinese?”

Chris: “d’you hear Osbourne’s speech. He said ‘just over the horizon is the Britain we’re trying to build.’ What, France?”
Chris is honestly on a roll in this section: “they had a quote in the paper from this lady, loads of kids, living off the state- the Queen, that’s it, the Queen…Philip’s gonna have to get a job but right now they’re looking for people like him in Immigration control.”

Welp, it has happened. We have reached the first MTW mention of Eric Pickles. The man is going to become one heck of a target over the next couple series.
Hugh says Pickles is having his staff use the stairs to save money on lifts, “they’re not allowed tea in meetings and they’ve got to turn the heating down, and when you look at him, you say that’s supposed to save money but it’s more likely that the lift’s broken cause you’ve been in it, there are no biscuits cause you’ve eaten them and you don’t need heating because his body has got its own ten-ton fat duvet.”
With that line alone, you almost don’t need other jabs. And yet we continue

Chris: “He’s the ideal person to be Communities Secretary because he’s used to having people around him, largely due to the gravitational pull.”
Between here and the Big Head episode, he really likes this joke

Ed: “when you look at that photograph, does it not look like they’ve airbrushed a footlong sandwich out of the shot?”
Dara: “by the way, if you want to join in on the Eric Pickles satire game, just point at the picture and make your own jokes about belt-tightening’
Hugh: “d’you think he looks like Matt Lucas quite simply going ‘THAT ONE’.”

Dara: “what have the trapped miners in Chile come a step closer to?”
Miles: “is it a Christmas No. 1?”
THAT got me. That’s like a QI answer

Hugh says they’re close to getting out, “and the good news is that Davina’s heading over for the evictions.”
Been a while since we’ve had a Big Brother joke, too

Once again, Dara has to bail Jack out on a joke. Jack talks about the elevation tube having wifi, and the miners not wanting to check their email. Dara goes “they could tweet, ‘I’m in the cage’….’still in the cage’.”

Ed criticizes the tactic of having the miners get their own small pods with family members after they’re out, “to not give them too much of a sea change”
Dara: “well what do ya expect, them to give ’em a GIANT FIELD TO RUN AROUND IN?”
And then Dara and Chris start flailing their arms and demonstrating this. I love this.

Dara: “it doesn’t have to be family members, most of them it’ll be agents and ghost-writers, and guys going ‘GOOD NEWS, Javier Bardem’s playing you in the movie, bad news, YOU’VE got Omid Djalili”

I love Hugh’s impression of the miners getting to the surface, being blinded by the sunlight and screaming in pain. Hugh’s having a much better show so far, by the way.

A pretty productive opening round, with great topics, a pretty balanced panel [though Miles is still getting an under-the-radar edit], and more emphasis on guys like Ed and Chris rather than solely the regulars.

Newsreel: Hugh voices Cameron and Boris

This is a sequel to ‘buses’. Hugh as Cameron reminds Boris that they’re there to talk about policy and not just eat.
Hugh as Boris: “LOOK, THERE’S CAKE, THERE’S LOADS OF CAKE.”

I also love Hugh, as Cameron, describing a tenner as ‘the last 10 pounds left in Britain’
and then, later, “so do you have any change? We were hoping to have saved some for the poor people but it doesn’t really matter”

Not a truly memorable newsreel, but a few decent moments

Stand Up Round: Andy, Miles and Jack

Dara: “the next round is called…The Apprentice: You’re Fired, Wednesday Nights, 9:30 on BBC2”
He’s no longer being subtle about it

Andy’s, on the economy, is some pretty standard easy observations on the Greek economy. He does have a decent bit about the idea to treat it like the Ebola virus and cut a leg off, but if you’ve seen enough Andy sets, you know exactly where it’s going

Miles, on clubbing, gets enough laughs with just the contrast of him being unbelievably posh and talking about clubbing. “bit of Showaddywaddy”.

Miles: “people jump around like crazy in those places, at one point my cup and sauce was knocked clean out of my hands.”
A decent set, but a lot of it went back to the simple joke of Miles being posh

Jack’s, on health…I understand what he’s going for. I did like the hook of the nutritional facts trying to lure you in with calorie numbers but making them for unreasonable portions, but a lot of the rest of it did reek of punching down, like usual for him.

Not a great stand up round.

If This is the Answer: Sport; 4 days

Miles, a joke he can do now and at no other time: “at what age do Scottish children start drinking?”
Then, as the audience concerned laughs, Miles goes “…AS A SPORT.” A very clever move

Jack: “is it the time it takes for light to travel ’round Eric Pickles?”
…y’see, when Jack does it it’s not as funny

Chris: “is it if it took God 6 days to create the world, how long would it have taken him if he was polish?”
Somehow this works without being too racist

Andy, similar to an old Russell set: “is it how long does a bag for life normally actually last?”

It’s about the Ryder Cup, which Andy actually attended, and he talks about disappointing it was. “The only good thing is, since we’ve mentioned it on this show, it’s now tax-deductible.”

Chris: “the whole course flooded. Think how much worse it would have been if it didn’t have all those holes in.”
Hugh: “did you think when you saw all the water on the course ‘well, the water looks lovely, the sand looks lovely, but the red flags are telling me I can’t swim…”
The Ryder Cup jokes are working for me when they’re less specific references

Andy still has some Commonwealth Games material: “loads of drummers drumming, mostly to mask the sound of the workers still building the stadium…”
Ed: “and there were fireworks, which weren’t actually fireworks, somebody just plugged in one of the scoreboards..”

Andy: “also at the opening ceremony was the minister for Delhi, Sheila Dickshit. HOW BRILLIANT IS THAT?….an INDIAN CALLED SHEILA.”
That’s a great subversion

Ed: “is it the Guinness record for largest game of musical chairs?”
Hugh: “is it the world’s most impressive motorcycle display team?”
THAT cracked me up

Andy: “what I love about that photo is in the far right hand corner, the bloke in white. He’s obviously got the wrong invite.”
i love the director ZOOMING IN THE PHOTO TO THIS ONE GUY.
Dara: “he’s actually very important in the North Korean army, he looks after the Milky bars”
Chris: “He’s the one you’re looking for, this is the very famous North Korean children’s book Where’s Wujin”
PFFFF

Jack, with, to his credit: “you thought YOUR version of Guess Who was hard…”
Dara: “DOES HE HAVE BLACK HAIR? YES.”
Jack: “AAAIIIGH!”
Dara: “does he look a little like Kim Jong-Il. NO. …click.”

Hugh: “is it an attempt to show that they have some enormously tall people in Korea?”
HOW ARE ALL OF THESE STILL HITTING?

This is also the first mention on the show of Kim Jong-Un. As Dara says ‘it just sounds like he named him Kim Young’Un'”

Chris, still going: “is it a North Korean magic eye picture? If you de-focus your eyes, you can see a dolphin being oppressed.”
AND EVEN AS PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THE TOPIC, CHRIS HAS MORE: “is it the publicity shot of the acrobatic troupe that won Korea’s Got Talent?”
Dara: “I tell ya what they’re not called, they’re not called Diversity…”

I liked this one a lot too, for a lot of the same reasons as the opening. This is a great show for dynamics, and for people like Ed and Chris getting on a lot. The topics are also still very good, and the show is realizing that picture gags can work well on their own.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Lines You Wouldn’t Hear in a TV Detective Show”
Andy, with an old favorite: “THE SUSPECT HAS GOT A GUN. But it’s okay, Gazza has arrived and he’s brought chicken and a fishing rod!”
Hugh: “I’m not doing it, this is a midWINTER murder, it’s freezing, it’s not in the contract!”

Andy: “Poirot, you’ve done it again…you’ve bored me SHITLESS for the last two hours…”
Ed: “yes, Miss Marple, we’ve got the lab results back, and it’s very interesting…actually, it’s THRUSH..”

Miles: “You’re probably wondering why I’ve asked you all to gather here in the library….what? Oh, sorry. [whispers] YOU’RE..”
That is a great one. Reminds me of something Glenn Moore would do later on

Chris, with a pretty classic Chris joke: “it’s…the TV presenter, Noel Edmunds. ‘you have any idea why he was killed?’ ‘…it’s…THE TV PRESENTER, NOEL EDMUNDS.”

Miles, with a proto-Acaster one: “well we know who’s responsible for the killing, it’s SOCIETY. Yeah? You wanna think about that?”

Andy: “the body is that of Eamonn Holmes…we may need a little more chalk.”
And one last Eamonn slam for the road

“Unlikely Things to Hear from a Sports Commentator”
Hugh: “SO, JUST 80 METERS TO GO, AND THE BUILDING OF THIS RUNNING TRACK WILL BE FINISHED.”

Ed: “I’m hearing that Bolt’s ankle isn’t actually sprained, it’s broken, so the only thing left to do is collect some of his sperm and shoot him in the head.”
Something about Ed’s delivery makes these edgier lines work in this era

Ed: “ah, the smack of leather on willow, as Sue Barker walks into a tree.”
THAT ONE got me

Hugh: “well, we’ll have to see what the referee gets out. ……..I don’t think any of us were expecting that..”
Hugh’s underplaying nails the punchline. Stunned almost
Andy: “he’s got his wood out, and he’s in a nasty bit of ruff…he needs to get to the golf course as soon as he can…”

Hugh: “well, I have to say, I do agree with the crowd, the referee IS a wanker..”
Chris: “welcome to Delhi for the shit pit- sorry, SHOT PUT…nono, I was right the first time…”

Ed: “oh, that’s a beautiful shot there on the black. I really should remember those boxers’ names…”

Pretty substantial SWLTS. You can definitely see the formation of a lot of the usual MTW formulas for answers in this game, with the first sentence expectation then subversion. Especially in the sports commentator one, which usually take a usual sports commentating line and subvert it. Ed, Miles and Chris had great showings here, though.

Overall: Pretty much room tone for S9. A solid panel, great stuff from Ed, Chris and Miles, a return to form from Hugh, lots of great topics and back-and-forth energy, a really cool in-studio mood, and it didn’t feel like Jack took away from it too much. But really, it shows how much MTW has lost its groove without Russell Howard, because there wasn’t a lot of true ‘group stuff’ tonight. Chris and Dara had stuff, Andy bounced off some people, there was little stuff, but it wasn’t as open as before. In S10, we’re thankfully gonna find a force that really influences large-scale collaboration, but as it is now, the show can only do so much. As it was, this was a good show, but it sums up just how shaky it’s been this series for them.

Best Regular: Hugh was a strong proctor for this show, and had a really strong night all around.
Best Guest: Chris Addison narrowly defeats Ed for getting on a lot, still being perfect for the show, and still being great at bouncing off people. It felt like he had funny ideas to spare all night.
Worst Performer: Jack was outclassed by this bunch.
Best Round: Headliners, FINALLY, started us off with great momentum.
Best Topic: Eric Pickles
Best Runner: North Korea group photo

COMING UP NEXT: The first of two compilations.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E10, or Stop Naming Random Animals

We’re beginning to ramp towards the third regular seat being filled for a little while. And from what I can gather at this stage, it is down to two options for it. They are both on this show- Chris Addison and Jack Whitehall. Both are young, confident choices, the difference is that I like Chris.

Also on tonight are Andi Osho and Carl Donnelly, a curly haired first-timer who’d recur over the next few series.

Headliners: E.M.D.B.

Hugh: “is it, ‘ED, MARVELOUS, double-crossing bastard…”
Andy: “look at the acting on David’s face, is it Elder Miliband Deserves BAFTA?”
Hugh: “is it Ernie Marginally Defeats Bert.”
That’s too perfect

Hugh: “does the E stand for Ed?”
Dara: “yes”
Hugh: “…does the M stand for Miliband?”
Dara: “yes it does…YOU ARE GOOD. You are VERY GOOD.”
Hugh: “…does the D stand for David and does the B stand for Biliband?”
PFFFF

Andy talks about the want to categorize Ed Miliband as either a Blair-ite or a Brown-ite, “he’s saying he’s his own man, but Milibandite, that doesn’t really sound like a political philosophy, does it? Sounds more like a strong adhesive. DON’T USE GLUE, USE MILIBANDITE.”
Dara: “what, do they glue him to the back of the wall at the party conference and slowly lower him?”

Jack does a middling Parent Trap joke and Dara has to save it. I…I don’t think his chances of getting the regular seat are growing any.

Carl brings up that Ed said he’s gonna give David any job he wants, and it’ll turn into Ed just making up a position for him, like ‘shadow mack daddy’
Andy: “surely if he goes ‘I’ll give you any job you want’, …how about leader of the labour party?”

Chris has a funny bit about David’s hand gestures talking about his brother getting increasingly more violent. Again, his energy is one of his biggest tools as a performer.

Dara talks about the press’s fixation on David’s wife being upset and a violinist, “as if she spent four days FIDDLING FURIOUSLY.”
Chris: “smoke coming off it”
Dara, demonstrating: “TWANG, TWANG.”

Chris: “they’re like opticians, pollsters. It’s just ‘AND NOW?….AND NOW?…”

Dara brings up the e-fit photo, ‘have you seen this man’, from the past week:

Dara: “police say it was their fault, no it was CLEARLY THE WITNESS. Who went ‘no, green, DEFINITELY GREEN.”
Carl: “it looks like the outcome if Keith Harris had sex with Orville.”
Chris: “I CAN’T- ya caaan-I CAN’T-ya caaan”
JESUS
Dara: “CAN I SING ME SONG NOW? whatever…please yourself..”

Another weak opening round, again referring to the lack of real panel cohesion. This one at least had Chris, and Carl with some good lines, but Andi wasn’t edited well at all, and Jack wasn’t funny. And again, a lot of this is falling on Andy.

Newsreel: Hugh voices the royal family.

Hugh, as Philip: “Look, Liz, a goat! Oh, that makes me feel peckish..”
And then, as he points to the goat, “could you, uh, have that delivered to the Premier Inn?”
A lot of the same energy as ‘SORRY TO MENTION THEM AGAIN…”

Hugh, as the Queen: “so tell me about this castle. Does it have a dungeon? We need somewhere to keep Fergie.”

Hugh, as Philip, in yet another shot with a goat: “OH MY GOD, THERE’S ANOTHER ONE, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! They’re like Albanians…”

Alright Newsreel, the goat hook lifted it but a lot of the same for this era

Stand Up Round: Carl, Andi and Jack

Carl, on Subway: “I don’t think it should take 3 people to make you a sandwich. I don’t know if you’ve ever been, but every time you order food, a relay race kicks off. One guy gets your bread of choice, cuts it, and thinks ‘…I can’t carry on here’.”
He adds that “I’ve never been halfway through making a sandwich [on me own] and thought ‘…I need some backup”
This is a really fun point, and has enough fun comedy details to work. The second half isn’t quite as memorable, imo

Andi’s is pretty basic Nigerian observational material. She does have, as a throwaway line, “I hate my passport photo, I look like I was caught in a lay-by with Hugh Grant”, which is stronger than a lot of the rest of the material. I wish she’d rest more on that kind of stuff and less on the easy, Yashere-light stuff.

Jack’s, as per usual, completely washed over me. When the punchline of the joke involves punching down, poshness or just Jack being a little shit, it’s not gonna go for me.

Kind of a blah stand-up round. Carl had the best set.

If This is the Answer: Sport; 7 years

Carl: “is it how long would Chris Moyles not be paid for in order for me to give a shit?”
WILD APPLAUSE
Dara: “…one of the largest spontaneous and heartfelt applauses we’ve had this week…”

Hugh: “is it how long since Eamonn Holmes last saw his feet?”
The spitefulness towards Eamonn returns
Dara: “…whereas the audience can TURN…”

Andy, cracking midway through: “what is the average age of a construction worker…at the Commonwealth Games…”

Chris, suddenly choosing violence: “is it how long does it take Dara to put a polo-neck on?”
Dara:

This is almost a sequel to the ‘Dara has a big head’ material from earlier in the series.
And then Chris demonstrates:

Hugh: “is it what is the longest recorded phone call between my wife and her mother”
Relatability!

Chris: “is it how long does it take the idiot in front of you to use the self-checkout?”
Hugh, looking downward: “…self-checkout? I love that! ‘Tell you what, I’m in Tesco, I’m just gonna check out the prostate”
Chris: “…I think it’s only Lidl where you’re allowed to expose those sorts of things.”
Hugh and Chris work so well together here
Dara, joining in: “ILLEGAL ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!”

Andy, on the commonwealth games construction: “well the ceiling of the weightlifting area collapsed. Can you imagine- “and he’s holding up 200kg, ANND THE ROOOOF!”
Chris: “people were making a distinction between filth and excrement- THAT’S NOT A REASSURING DISTINCTION TO MAKE?”
Andy: “it was a combination between exposed wiring and flooding…and you’re thinking that’s PROBABLY NOT a great combination…a man has jumped further than any human in history by merely trying to turn on his bathroom light.”
and then Andy: “collapsing buildings are gonna lead to world records. Nothing will make you run quicker than thinking the main stand is about to come on your head!”

Chris does a great impression of a sign language interpreter trying to fell mosquitoes, and…yeah, he’s right for this show
Dara: “I don’t think deaf people need that much interpretation in a race, I think they can generally spot it…”

Dara asks what animals were brought into the Commonwealth Games. Chris guesses both camels and penguins to piss off Dara.
Chris: “POLAR BEARS?”
Dara: “NO.”
Hugh: “is it a narwhal?”
Dara: “IT’S NOT A NARWHAL. STOP NAMING RANDOM ANIMALS?”
Hugh: “is it a muskrat?”
Dara: “IT’S NOT A MUSKRAT. I’ve already said the word ‘monkeys’ while you’ve carried on naming things!”

Dara: “and what are [the monkeys] there to do?”
Jack: “move in sofas?”
Chris: “sell t-shirts?”
Dara: “no, they’re there to stop OTHER MONKEYS from getting into the Games”
Chris, delighted: “THEY’RE MONKEY BOUNCERS. ‘your species isn’t down, you’re not comin’ in!”
Dara:

“…and if ya don’t back away, I will fling shit at ya…”

Andy: “I was trying to think of what’s the worst event you’ve gotta do if you’ve got the shits…and I think it’s gotta be weightlifting…and when you push up, the idea that every action has an equal and opposite reaction…”
Andy has been on fire for the past 3 or 4 shows.

Much better round. Andi’s still being shut out, but there was a better topic, and there was just more panel cohesion, even if it’s still benefitting mostly the regulars and Chris.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Unlikely Things to Hear in a Quiz Show”
Andi, with a surprisingly good Anne Robinson: “so, Nick Griffin…you were the weakest link in that round and you chose to get rid of Rashid? Why?”
Andy: ‘so Noel, your soul for a resurrected career? Deal or No Deal?”

Chris: “welcome to Weakest Link, bankers edition. You’ve banked nothing, scored nothing, and yet you still have a bonus.”
The audience has a big response for this, and Chris even takes a curtain call

“LET’S TAKE ‘EM! LET’S TAKE ‘EM ALL!”

A lot of this is just Chris and Hugh going back to back for a bit.
Chris: “60 quid for half a gram of coke…Deal or No Deal?”
Jack, actually getting a laugh from me this show: “…deal.”

Andy: “I’m Dale Winton, and you’ve got to be in it to win it, and by it, of course, I mean my bottom.”
A FULL REACTION FROM JACK.

“Lines you wouldn’t hear in an action movie”
Chris does, for the first of many times, a camp version of a movie line. Here he does the ‘do I feel lucky’ speech from Dirty Harry

Andy, perfectly: “I know you’re mad, Max, but getting drunk and blaming everything on the jews isn’t going to help.”
This gets CHEERS.

Carl: “I WANT YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR BOOTS, AND YOUR UNICYCLE…”
Dara loves this one. No cut to Hugh, though

Jack, with, to his credit another good one: “LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER’ ‘Really? You’re black!”

And then, Jack, with…probably his best one in this round: “I am Maximus Decimus Meridius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance in this life or the next…….GLADIATOORR…REAAADY???”
That got me my first time. I still don’t like Jack, but that’s a great one

Decent SWLTS, but the second half had a few more lulls than the first.

Overall: Honestly kind of similar to last show. An imperfect panel, a black hole of comedy, a truly dire opening round, and thankfully some built momentum. I honestly this one had a better dynamic than last show, because Chris is a superior panel connector and built this whole collaborative energy all night, one that even Jack had to get in on by the end. Carl did the best of the true guests, Andi was edited around, and Jack was his usual shade of tasteless with a bit of good stuff in SWLTS, like last time. And while the Commonwealth Games stuff was at least a good comedic hook for the second half, a lot of this show still felt very limp and forgettable, which I hate for this era of the show. Andy is the best he’s been in ages, and I hate that it’s in this little nadir period. I at least know it’s not always going to be this dire, but…this is the second straight weak show, and we haven’t had many weak shows at all in the last few series, as least not to this extent.

Best Regular: Andy Parsons, once again, ruled over this show. And you could see he was having a lot of fun with the Commonwealth Games material
Best Guest: Chris Addison not only felt like a regular here, but had the crowd in the palm of his hand and was using some of the trademark jokes of his tenure.
Worst Performer: This is gonna shock some people, but Jack actually recovered a lot of ground late. Meanwhile, Andi was badly edited all show, and was several pegs down from her recent appearances, so sadly I have to put her here.
Best Round: If This is the Answer, once again, had all the goofy stuff.
Best Topic: Commonwealth Games

COMING UP NEXT: Regulation ends with more Chris, more Jack, and two more favorites.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E09, or YOU CORKED MY MERLOT?

Apart from Hugh, Andy and Milton, a very strange setup for this one.

Kevin Bridges coming back I can understand. Again, I’m surprised he only did 2 shows, and this is his second one. This is also the second show of Patrick Kielty, who shouldn’t have even done a first show, and reminds me too much of Michael McIntyre’s stuff. And we also have a debut by Russell Kane, a comedian with an emo haircut who also only makes 2 appearances, the second of which coming 4 series later. It’s MTW trying to replace Russell by getting another young, skinny comedian named Russell. Like usual this series, Mock the Week isn’t sure who it can rest on quite yet.

Headliners: C.D.C.R.

Andy, using the picture: “is it Clegg’s Dandruff Causes Riot?”
Hugh, similarly: “is it Clegg DEMANDS CARDBOARD RAIN.”

Russell: “is it Clegg Displays Currency Remaining?”
Clever one right off the bat.
Milton, less satirically: “is it Celine Dion Combusts, Reaction?”

Hugh: “is it Cranberries: Definite Cystitis Remedy?”
Dara: “WHY WOULD THEY USE THAT PHOTOGRAPH?”
I love this move
Dara: “how bad was Clegg’s cystitis before that?”
Hugh: “i dunno, but it must have been PRETTY bad…”

Andy, very excitedly: “I’VE GOT IT, DARA. is it CONFERENCE DISCO CONCLUDES WITH RIVERDANCE?”
I love this. The goofy ones like these are my favorite.

Yeah, a lot of this lib-dems stuff is dead, cause because of the coalition stuff, the lib-dems by themselves aren’t funny enough anymore. Russell even brings in a comparison joke, which…is this just a thing all comedians named Russell do?
This joke, though…Russell: “How broken do you have to be by your former party to savor any attention, even if it’s negative? That’s like a fat, ugly girl being sexually assaulted behind a Lidl and going ‘it’s just nice to get the attention…”
Dara, after the huge response: “…that is the chair Frankie sat in, isn’t it?”
Russell, cleverly: “I’ve literally never had those thoughts before, I’ve been possessed…”

And then Patrick does an UNFUNNY comparison joke. Is that cause he’s sitting in RUSSELL’S old seat?

Hugh, on Cameron and Clegg going to Ikea: “what’s the symbolism of Ikea. YELLOW AND BLUE. Also, most Ikea products have a cabinet that comes in two parts and may well fall apart”

Andy, on the plan to combat tax evasion: “middle class people taking lie detector tests. It’s like an upmarket version of Jeremy Kyle. Wouldn’t you like to see that, middle-class Jeremy Kyle. ‘My cleaner ran off to another family’? ‘My husband’s using the wrong cutlery’? ‘YOU CORKED MY MERLOT!!!'”

Dara says that they can tell if accountants are nervous over the phone. “It’s just gonna lead to a new breed of superaccountants with really level voices. Like HAWKING, I’ll get Hawking to do me accounts, that’ll be fantastic. His voice doesn’t wobble and he’s good at numbers. People are going ‘there’s a black hole in Mr. O’Briain’s account. ‘I. INVENTED. BLACK HOLES.”

Milton: “people are hiding money offshore though, and you have to be really careful, because I fell off the boat six times.”
It’s been very hard to get a good bit of momentum going, especially with this panel stacking, but Milton can still nail one-liners when we least expect it

Hugh talks about George Osborne’s tax on quangos. “I still don’t know what a quango is. Cross between quorn and a mango. Orange and tasteless. David Dickinson on a stag night.”

Milton, again sneaking up: “my granddad’s got a good way of getting around the winter fuel reductions, uh, he’s died.”
I love this one

Limp, as you’d expect from a panel with Patrick Kielty and Russell Kane as chief guests. Kevin didn’t say much at all. A lot of the topics didn’t catch on with this group. It’s exactly as dire as I thought.

Stand Up Round: Kevin, Russell and Milton

Kevin, on festivals, talks about a christian rock festival handing out free toasties to ‘all of god’s children’. “And so I say ‘can I have a toastie?’, and he says ‘that depends, are you a christian’, and I thought ‘well if I’m not a christian, am I not getting a toastie? That’s not very christian.”
Kevin’s a very smart, methodical comic. Kind of similar to Alun Cochrane, not just in nationality.

He has a kicker, of when given the choice of ‘cheese’ or ‘cheese and ham’, “I went ‘just cheese, mate, cause I’m a jew.”
Pretty solid set. Like Sarah Millican, it makes you wish he was on more just by the quality of his sets in this round.

Russell’s I didn’t like. The energy is there, don’t get me wrong, but a lot of easy ‘I’m not racist but’ stuff, and a lot of very surface-level jokes at his own slightly camp appearance. Not really much going on for me.

Milton’s highlights, on jobs. He’s officially begun really messing up his hair before he goes on, too:
-his opener: “I used to work at a Christian rock festival selling toasties.”
AND THAT ALONE GETS SOME APPLAUSE. It also checks out, Milton’s a noted christian.
“…and my favorite part was the day I sold this jewish bloke some yellow ham.”
Perfect. HE CAME UP WITH THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES.
-“My father was a dustman. I always dreaded the days he’d pick me up from school…not cause I was embarrassed that he was a dustman, just you never knew which days he was gonna come.”
Almost a double-fakeout
-“The rest of my family were police marksman, aside from my grandfather, who was a bank robber. He died quite recently, surrounded by his family.”
YES
-“I used to work in a supermarket, my job used to me handing out little samples to customers of things to taste…but I was fired after the ‘little cups of bleach’ incident.”
Phenomenal set from Milton. These still haven’t lost their novelty to me, and I doubt they ever will.

Decent stand-up round. Milton’s lifts it, but Kevin’s was also pretty good.

If This is the Answer: Home News; 500,000

Hugh: “is it how many ants can safely travel in a lift?”
Patrick, somehow similar: “is it the number of flies Lady Gaga found in her knickers the morning after she wore the meat dress?”
I don’t know if I’m appalled or impressed. The audience is appalled, though
Andy, save it: “OR, ALTERNATIVELY, is it the number of dogs that now follow her every time she leaves the house?”
YES

Milton: “is it the number of times that someone’s said to Daniel Craig’s mother that when he was born she should have gone ‘ah, I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond’?”
This is great, but Hugh is RIGHT THERE.

Kevin: “instead of the usual 10 green bottles, how many bottles do the chilean miners start the song with?”
PFFFF

Milton: “how many tomatoes died last year as a result of knife crime?”
THAT GOT ME

Russell, reading our minds: “it’s the number of Russells working in british comedy.”

Hugh, just when it seems like we’re done: “what number most looks like a train pulling a carriage.”
BRILLIANT
Dara, impressed: “…NO, it’s NOT that…”

Andy, bringing it back a few rounds: “lovely to see the Pope there doing his impression of Nick Clegg at conference”

Kevin: “quite a small guy, the Pope, isn’t he?”
Dara: “he does look like a ventriloquist’s doll that’s been left there.”

Milton: “so it’s papal this, papal that…but it is a secure way of buying stuff on the internet.”
okay…it’s not gonna be close in the Best Guest category

Dara says that the Pope “launched an attack on atheism and oppressive secularism. It’s very interesting, because a lot of people, including on this show, tend to make the Nazi joke about the pope. And the first thing out of his mouth is ‘atheists are like nazis’. And you’re going ‘TOUCHE, IL PAPA.”

Kevin talks about the musical gig for the Pope, “Susan Boyle and Michelle McManus, the ideal lineup for a celibate man.” THAT got me. Kevin isn’t quite as bloodthirsty as fellow glaswegian Frankie Boyle, but that was killer.
I also love the bit Kevin and Dara have about a bouncer at this gig basically simulating the pearly gates.

Andy, after it’s brought up that Carol Vorderman hosted the event: “I don’t quite know why she was there, maybe she was encouraging the faithful to repackaging their normal prayers into one more easily-manageable prayer…”

Dara brings up the pamphlet explaining terms to the audience, and he barely gets through this without cracking up:

Patrick talks about George Michael getting some prison time: “that’ll really show ’em, will it. Driving around looking for drugs and man-sex, and so they lock him up in a place full of…drugs and man-sex.”
1. This is pretty much an Andy joke where you can see the punchline a mile away, but it’s not aided by Andy’s delivery
2. Why call it ‘man-sex’. Just call it sex. I understand you’re trying to set up the prison rape joke, but I think the audience understands that the sex going on in prisons isn’t gonna be heterosexual.
3. He polishes it off with another Russell-esque comparison joke.
4. And then he mugs to the audience. Come on, man.

Hugh, on the crash: “I just wanna know if he was trying to recreate Wham!, but as a sound effect.”
THAT is a good joke
And sure enough, Dara includes a picture of the crashed-into shop, and:

Andy: “I mean, if he visits the prison showers, it’ll be the first time in years that he’s had a surprise entry in the #2 slot.”
JESUS.
Dara, after the response dies down: “I can’t support that kind of material in the show..”

I love Kevin’s bit about the prisoners singing ‘Freedom’ as he came into the prison. “I imagine these hardened criminals up the night before rehearsing the song. ‘OKAY, STEVE, NOW YOU SAY FREEDOM, THREE TIMES.”

Milton, as this section needs a bow: “we’ve all fallen asleep at the wheel. I don’t know how hamsters do it.”

A better conversation round, mostly due to better topics, and more stuff from Kevin [and less from Russell]. This show is still being led by Hugh, Andy and Milton, and it’s at least more of a joined effort than in E2, cause there you still had Russell Howard beginning to veer off. Just…Patrick I’m still not a fan of.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

A portion of this is among my favorites.

“Unlikely Things to Hear on a News Programme”
Andy: “Behind me, a man lies dead. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PULL FACES IN THE BACKGROUND WHEN I’M DOING A BIT TO CAMERA.”
Andy has a bit more edge in this SWLTS than usual, as you’ll see.

Hugh: “Our tape of Big Ben is broken….bong.”
As only Hugh can deliver it

Milton: “This…is Fox News. [fox noises]”
The best.

And then, Milton: “later on, we’ll be finding out how the Queen arrived in Australia, but first.”

This is the kind of wordplay mistake joke that Milton truly excels at. There’s a truly excellent one much later in the run involving rice.

Andy: “There is still an embargo on revealing the identity of the footballer at the center of this sex scandal. This is Brian Henderson outside John Terry’s house.”
Even much later in the year, the John Terry jokes still work

“Unlikely Things to Hear on a Train”
Andy: “we apologize for the bumpy ride as we entered the last station. This is due to some SELFISH BAST’AD THROWING HIMSELF ONTO THE TRAIN.”
I have always loved the pure anger Andy throws into this one.
Kevin: “We are now arriving in Sheffield, could all passengers in first class please pull up your window blinds and take a look at the real world.”

Hugh: “Due to staff shortages, I am unable to finish this announ.”
Andy, almost like a Frankie one: “hot food is now available, because the buffet car is on fire.”

Patrick does a really shallow one and then makes a face at the end of it to tell the audience he’s being sarcastic.
Andy, show him how sarcasm is done!: “HMM, I WONDER IF I SHOULD TAKE MY PERSONAL BELONGINGS WITH ME WHEN I LEAVE THIS TRAIN. IF ONLY THERE WAS AN *ANNOUNCEMENT* THAT COULD POSSIBLY HELP ME.”
Andy is on fire, much like the buffet car

Hugh: “we apologize for the service delay at this station, this was caused by a points failure at makesomethingup.”
It’s mostly just the regulars kicking ass right now, but it’s all really good stuff.

And then…Milton:

“HELLO…THIS IS THE TRAIN SPEAKING.”
which is funny enough
“I know we’re running a bit late, but don’t worry…I know a shortcut.”
SO BIZARRE.

Hugh: “would the driver please contact the guard.”
again, FUNNY ENOUGH ALONE. Dara buzzes.
Hugh: “…WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE.”
And then Andy, as he’s prone to in this era, has an idea for a follow-up
Andy: “…THIS IS THE DRIVER, CONTACTING THE GUARD….WHERE AM I?”
perfect.

Oh, an incredible SWLTS. Against all odds. Even with two panelists who aren’t great, the strength of the regulars powered us through, and Andy had an absolute tour de force.

Overall: What the hell was this episode’s quality?? Episode 2, which this is comparable to, at least was pretty limp top-to-bottom. Here, we started numb, and slowly we got better to the point where that ending SWLTS felt befitting of a much better show. What’s most surprising is that a lot of the great work here was done by the regulars. In a 4-regular situation, I can see that and be fine with it, but now you have 4 guests, and 2 of them aren’t doing anything for me, despite Russell’s best efforts. Then you have Kevin, who’s very funny but picks and chooses his moments. I feel a bit uneasy about the two guys who are always here doing most of the work, even with help from Milton and Kevin. Andy and Hugh were great in this show, though, and there were a lot of fun places we went, especially in the ITITA round. It just is saddled with a weak panel and a dreadful start.

Best Regular: Andy Parsons, who is carrying the show at this point.
Best Guest: Milton Jones. Even with a nice night from Kevin, it wasn’t close.
Worst Performer: Patrick Kielty detracted from the show more than he added to it.
Best Round: Scenes We’d Like to See, which just dissolved into the stuff of legend.
Best Topic: The Pope
Best Runner: Kevin’s sandwich truck.

COMING UP NEXT: We get Chris Addison back for the last two shows…but we also get Jack Whitehall back for the last two shows.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E08, or Could Be a Christmas Special, Couldn’t It?

Life after Russell Howard. First show with only 2 regulars ever. Lots of road left to travel.

Alongside Ed Byrne and, in their last appearances of the series, Stewart Francis and Micky Flanagan, comes a booking in the spirit of Fiona Allen and Lauren Laverne- Miles Jupp, who before becoming a comedian, was a regular cast-member on the children’s program Balamory. Something that would be referenced a few times, including by Jupp himself. Jupp would recur for several series afterwards.

Dara mentions that Russell’s not coming back for the rest of the series, due to work on his new series for BBC3. It apparently wasn’t clear to everybody that he was gone for good.

Headliners: L.B.I.T.

[with this lot, i think you’re just missing an E and an M]

Micky: “is it my dyslexic friend’s favorite sandwich?”
Wonder if he read about it in the paper?
Stewart, not giving him the satisfaction: “fish fingers?”

Ed: “is it Lads, Boys, Introducing…Token.”
Some appalled reactions.
Ed, straightening his glasses: “politics there…”
Andy: “on a similar note, Liking Blair is Treason”
MORE SPLIT REACTIONS
Stewart: “ON A FUNNIER NOTE…”
Ed and Andy love this move.
Andy: “you’ve gotta back it up now…”
Stewart: “is it Look, Barack Initiated This”
THAT got me. And it does fulfill his promise. You can honestly use that as an excuse for a lot of US Politics in the last few years.

Hugh, going for an Addison-esque one: “has it to do with the white streak in David Miliband’s hair? Is it Look it’s a Badger, I’m Telling you?”

Ed: “If my name was Miliband, I wouldn’t call any of my kids Ed or David, I’d just call one ‘…The Steve’.”
That is a perfect joke

Andy has some typical ‘brothers’ jokes here, but he does bring up that one can use dirt on the other in addition to policies. “and what’s more, out of the two of us, I wasn’t the one, age 13, caught cracking one off to Buffy the Vampire Slayer…”
Micky starts laughing the second he figures out where Andy’s going
Ed, similarly: “you do NOT need someone who was 17 before he touched his first boob.”
Dara: “no, I think it’d be much more, [cough] YOUWETTHEBED”

Dara mentions that David has been comparing Ed to Forrest Gump, with a side-by-side comparison
Miles, not quite following: “is the one on the right the one who looks like Forrest Gump?”
Dara even says he’s not sure if David means that Ed has “a physical resemblance to Forrest Gump, or his tendency to attend world events and not really know what’s going on.”
Hugh: “is it because he said in his speech was ‘what Labour needs is…BUBBA SHRIMP.”
[…it’s Bubba GUMP shrimp, but I’ll allow it]

Stewart: “has Jedward not taught us anything?”
…oh, 2010…
Dara: “yes, in that famous book Jedward: A Lesson from History”

Hugh mentions Ed calling David a geek, and Ed Byrne mentions David gaining the support of Patrick Stewart
Dara: “if you wanna kill any impression that you’re a geek, DON’T GET CAPTAIN PICARD…”
PFFFF

Hugh does a Ross Kemp impression, complete with a sudden ‘YOU SLAG?’
Dara: “seriously, why were you never in Eastenders?”
Hugh, extra posh: “well, listen to my voice!”
Dara: “there could be an episode where a landowner comes around…”
Hugh, very posh: “HHWWONE OF YOUU, I DEUN’T KNOW WHICH, HAS BEEN STEALING MY PHEASANTS.”
Andy: “COULD BE A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, COULDN’T IT?”

Ed: “Ed Balls is best known for being Gordon Brown’s closest political ally. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE, THEN. More chance of him becoming leader than a member of Hitler youth becoming leader of the catholic church.”
VERY FUN CUTAWAYS TO DARA AND ED.

Andy: “Is it, uh, the gay porn version of the Blair Witch Project?”
Miles: “is it a Paris Hilton sex tape directed by Ken Loach?”
HOW DID *THIS* GET ME?

Ed: “these are the Chilean miners, stuck down the Chilean mine….appropriately enough.”
Ed’s so good that he can say something silly like that and still own it.

Dara mentions that only 32 of the miners are Chilean, “there’s one Bolivian as well”
Stewart: “the other one has a jumper.”
Somehow the audience gets behind that. It’s one of those puns where I can see why if they turn on it.

Dara: “you know the weirdest place they’ve received a message of support from?”
Stewart: “Josef Fritzl’s place?”
JESUS
Dara initially does his ‘no it’s not’, and then…it just sinks in

Hugh, being bizarre: “is it other miners from…Australia?”
Dara: “no…what, d’you think they dug through? ‘OH, HELLO!”

Ed talks about someone sending down a picture of Elvis to the miners. “ANY CHANCE YOU MIGHT SEND DOWN A PICTURE OF A WOMAN, PERHAPS? Cause we’re all starting to look pretty good to each other down here…”

Andy: “Apparently they’re not gonna get paid while they’re down there. I don’t know who’s screwed over more miners-”
THE AUDIENCE BEGINS TO SEE WHERE HE’S GOING
Andy: “either the Chilean government or the catholic church.”
THERE WE GO. Frankie would be proud.

Yeah, pretty good conversation round to start off. Good topics, good game round, the void of Russell doesn’t seem too great thanks to people like Ed and Stewart. Miles is underedited so far, but it is early.

Stand Up Round: Miles, Stewart and Micky

Miles, on transport: “well, why is public transport so horrendous, well the clue is in the title, the public, you’re horrific.”
Miles has a very rhythmic, meditated cadence when he does stand-up, almost similar to Sandi Toksvig.

Miles: “once some friends of mine had a bet to see who would last the longest on a knight bus without vomiting…although once I got on the bus, I could tell that several other passengers had been involved in a similar competition.”

Miles had a lot of punching down in this set, and in this era is playing the role of a very posh person particularly well. He mellows out over time [thankfully], but this is at least an amusing start from him.

Stewart’s highlights, on marriage:
-“my wife and I met at a castanet class, where we clicked”
he follows that response with “that’s not entirely, uh, funny”
-“we actually met in a museum, and THE REST IS HISTORY.”
HA
and he mutters ’14 more’. Stewart is very self-referential, moreso than Gary or Milton as one-liner comics, and I think that suits him well.
-“actually, Wayne Rooney introduced us, it was a no-brainer!”
-“no, I am married, that’s why I’m wearing the ring- [it’s not there] OH NO. It must have fallen off in that hooker.”
So slick, and so fast.
-annnnd we end with a slightly transphobic one

Definitely a triumph for Stewart as a set-constructionist, even if it wasn’t perfect. He had some very clever moves here, and it’s very much still in the height of his tenure on the show.

Micky, like last time, is pure storytelling with great lines baked in, about how his parenting classes were run by ‘this fascist breastfeeding woman’. I do love the casual demonstration of her husband and the men pretending to look at the house while waiting for her to stop breastfeeding.

This is about the hypothetical of the male birthing, and him and the other husbands having to answer about the benefits, and there’s lots of fun details, like the first guy giving a good answer that Micky was gonna use, and the second guy “started crying, nice touch”. “The mother looked at me, I looked like I was havin’ a panic attack, she said ‘MICHAEL?’ I said ‘…well, at least you’d be 100% sure it was yours.”
That’s a fun punchline. Micky is a terrific standup because he’s a great storyteller, a great constructionist, and a great character in himself. So these sets are ones he’s already put a lot of time into.

Yeah, pretty strong stand-up round all around. Somehow Micky takes the gold over the usually-strong Stewart, but Miles isn’t to be completely counted out either

If This is the Answer: Home News; Animals, Candles and Alcohol

This series has a ton of really good specific answers.

Stewart: “is it ‘describe Susan Boyle’s birthday party?”
PFFF
THE AUDIENCE IS SADDENED BY THIS SOMEHOW.
Stewart: “IT’S HER BIRTHDAY, COME ON.”
Ed, similarly: “is it What’s Lady Gaga wearing this week?”
AND THAT GETS A PASS?

Hugh: “is it What are the first three aisles in the Kazakhstan Lidl?”
This is a crowd favorite. Miles loves this one

Ed: “what are the only things a young conservative remembers about his initiation ceremony?”
…just 5 years away from pig-gate, come on now…

Stewart, as he’s owed a slam: “is it the chapter in Dara’s book that details his honeymoon?”
Dara:

I love that reaction.

Miles: “is it ‘name three things you shouldn’t put in a buddhist?”
JESUS.
Andy, cause we’re on a roll: “what is the most poorly-named Earth Wind and Fire tribute act?”
ALL OF THESE ARE GETTING ME

Micky: “is it the new credit-crunch pizza at Pizza Express?”
in Woking? Or am I foreshadowing again?

It’s the items that are considered a ‘threat to others’ during the Papal visit
Ed, once again: “I love how those are considered a threat to others while catholic priests are allowed in.”

Hugh: “you can’t take WHISTLES. Party wreckers. But don’t despair, you can take a vuvuzela.”
Miles: “it’s cause the Pope still has shellshock from the war, though you feel less sympathetic once you find out which side he was fighting on.”

Hugh: “i don’t know if he’s praying or if he’s saying ‘the man from Del Monte, he say yes’
Ed, with a reference I DO get: “ALL WE HEAR IS…RADIO GAGA [clap clap]”
This cracks most of the panel up
Ed: “ALTHOUGH MAY I MENTION, FREDDIE MERCURY IS BURNING IN HELL AS WE SPEAK”

Dara mentions that Tony Blair might take confession while the Pope’s in town. “He might not even say anything at all. The Pope’ll go ‘d’you have any sins’, and Blair will go “….LOOK….THE EVIDENCE THAT WE HAD AT THE TIME…”

Andy brings up the Pope’s views on condom usage, and the irony of a celibate telling people how to have sex. “It’d be like me advising people about SHAMPOO…”
It’s a simple joke, but it’s how he delivers it that’s funny
Dara: “I would love to see that ad. [Parsons voice] BECAUSE I’M WORTH IIIIT.”
Not quite as good as Russell’s

Dara: “what two essentials is the Pope bringing into britain?”
Andy, of course: “IS HE BRINGING CANDLES AND ALCOHOL?”

Dara mentions that the Popemobiles “can go up to 160 miles per hour…though probably not when you add that box to it. Can you imagine the Pope?-”

“AAAAAAHHHH!” ‘Hold on there, papa!”
Ed: “d’you imagine how young the pope would look if it suddenly accelerated to 160 miles per hour?”

This is so silly
Hugh: “it’d go a lot faster than that if people weren’t chasing it to get the ice cream.”

Dara takes out one of the pieces of merchandise for the Pope’s visit, such as a ‘Benedictaphone’ recording device, which he says, in a slightly Pope-esque accent, “WHAT A LOVELY COUNTRY, I HAVEN’T BEEN HERE SINCE THE WAR, AH AH AHHHH”
And there’s a whole bit with Dara playing with these little Pope toys, having the Pope hop after a Popemobile, and accidentally hit suspicious lighting

Dara: “It’s worth noting that when this gets broadcast, the Pope is actually in the country at the moment, and may be sitting in a hotel room after a LONG GIG…and turns on the television, ‘WHAT’S THIS? AH, GREETINGS PAPA!”
And then Dara runs over the Pope toy with the Popemobile. It’s so damned silly

Another very good conversation round. Look, the Pope is an easy and fun topic for humor, and this is going back to the very first MTW. It’s an old, celibate, religious pontiff, there’s comedy gold. Also, he used to be a Nazi. It’s great. Micky and Miles are still bringing up the rear in the edit, and Stewart was also quieter here, but this is all very funny.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Unlikely Lines to Hear in a Kids’ Film”
Hugh: “Where’s Nemo? Look inside the batter.”
Micky: “Mr. Von Trapp, I’m with the council, we’ve had reports of some terrible singing coming from your house…”
Hugh, similarly: “SO…he asked ALL FIVE OF YOU, if you’d like ta LOOK ROUND…HIS CHOCOLATE FACTORY…” [yanks out notepad]

Miles: “Wow, Nanny McPhee, that was NOT the big bang I was expecting.”
JESUS

Andy: “I AM BAMBI. SON OF A MURDERED MOTHER. HUSBAND OF AN ENDANGERED DOE. AND I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE IN THIS LIFE OR THE NEXT.”
Perfect

“Things You Wouldn’t Hear in a Cookery Show”
Andy, almost foreshadowing James Acaster: “Tonight, I’ve brought Chicken Tonight, but I’m gonna have it tomorrow. Smash the system!”

Miles: “A lot of people recommend washing your hands after handling raw meat, but it’s just as easy to have a dog lick them, or wipe them on a relative.”
Miles has been quietly having a pretty strong show, honestly. It’s just become a bit clearer in the last two rounds.

Micky, as only he can: “GORDON. GORDON. …Relax. We’re doing a bit of dinner, mate. We’re not sorting out the middle east, here…”

Andy: “today I’m going to be making prawn and sweet corn chickpea cous-cous, cause I like to give my bowels a challenge.”
With Russell gone, Andy has become the alpha, and with lines like these, I am perfectly fine with it.

Miles: “Next, the ginger pudding- Antony Worrall Thompson, what are you gonna be cooking for us tonight?”
A composition that definitely leads us towards the more traditional setup and subversion lines in this round we’ll be getting til present day.

Andy: “so, I’ve been beating away for half an hour, but I’m just lonely, let’s get on with the cooking.”
ANOTHER great one from Andy

There were weak spots, but this really heated up late, and Andy, and honestly Miles, did a lot of the heavy lifting.

Overall: With Russell gone, this episode is the perfect example of what the show would build into- more variable, more dynamic options, and different sensibilities on how to balance the show. This one favored Andy and Ed a lot, but every guest got a round to shine, with Micky killing it in stand-up, Stewart having a great first half, and Miles having a great SWLTS. We’re still seeing a preference towards the regulars, which is gonna change once we figure out that we only truly have 2 of them left, and there wasn’t a very connect-y dynamic, but there wasn’t anything truly bad here, and a lot of really fun stuff, such as the Pope material, the Chilean miners stuff, and both game rounds. Just a solid, enjoyable show to lead us to the next stage of Mock the Week.

Best Regular: Andy had the most to do tonight, and has stepped up in a big way.
Best Guest: Ed got on the most of the four, and also delivered the most satisfying stuff.
Worst Performer: This is where I have to be really methodical. Nobody made any real misfires. The edit shortchanged Micky and Miles, and I can’t give it to Micky because of his stand-up round. So despite his strong end of the night, Miles goes here. I think he’ll get better once more of the ‘second golden age’ people come on.
Best Round: Headliners was solid all the way through.
Best Topic: The Pope
Best Runner: Animals, candles and alcohol.

COMING UP NEXT: The second of two ‘what the hell are you doing’ panel stackings of the series.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E07, or My Spacehopper Had a Puncture

Returning from the Edinburgh break, we rejoin Series 9 only to immediately lose one of the show’s longtime regular panelists. And if losing Frankie was a big hit to the show, losing Russell Howard is an equally big one.

During the show’s height, as Frankie’s star rose, so did Russell’s becoming just as much of a contributor, and just as subversive of a comedian. Then, as Frankie began to bow out, Russell took charge and remained one of the faces of the show, became even more grown-up and mature, and blossomed into the comedian he’s become today. However, by 2010, the show was keeping him down, and he needed to take off. Rather than wait til the end of the series, or even waiting until the show found its identity, or even a proper replacement, Russell chose to bow out after this episode, in a move that surprised many people, including, I’m told, Dan and Mark.

I’ve had a lot of great things to say about Russell over this watchdown, and I can say that watching him grow over this watch has bolstered my opinion of him. So it’ll be sad to see him go.

Tonight, at the very least, has a well-stocked panel of Milton Jones, Andi Osho, and, ironically, Chris Addison, who the show was beginning to rely on more and more.

Headliners: B.M.I.S.

Oh, lovely, we get to make fun of these three again!

Hugh: “it’s just John Prescott going ‘BUGGER ME, I’M STAHHVIN!”
There we go!

Russell: “or is it all the things you’d rather have than read [Blair’s memoirs]: Bulimia, Myxomatosis and an Itchy Scrotum.”

Milton, still taking an edge in this era: “are they all laughing because it’s Ballistic Missiles Improve Sunderland?”

Chris: “Prescott’s just bored, he’s running through lists in his head. ‘Bette Midler, I’d shag…Barry Manilow…I’d shag…”
Chris is already having a lot of fun on the show, which bodes well for the next few series
Andi, joining in: “or is it ‘Both Milibands, I’d Shag'”
HA

Milton, channeling Frankie for the SECOND TIME THIS ROUND: “or is it their nicknames, Brainy, Miserly and Insignificant Sausage-Muncher?”
WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHAT HAS HE DONE WITH LOVABLE ONE-LINER COMIC MILTON JONES?
Dara: “WHEN WAS THAT EVER ANYONE’S NICKNAME? ‘insignificant sausage-muncher’?”
Hugh, raising his hand: “strange you should say that…”

Andy, being himself: “is it just simply Blair Memoir is Shit?”
Already, Andy’s been doing lots of clapter

Andy talks about Blair calling his memoir ‘My Journey’, “He went from Islington to Downing Street to Connock Square…that is not much of a journey…45 minutes at best, Michael Palin’s there going ‘well it’s not Pole to Pole…”

Both of Russell’s jokes so far have been his usual comparisons, which he’s been reaching into quite a bit recently.

Andi brings up the passages describing sex with Cheri, which THE AUDIENCE GROANS AT. Clearly they’re fans of the show. Some guy’s gotta be waiting for someone to mention anal lube.
Dara reads this aloud:

More audience groaning. Russell adds a porn soundtrack. This is so goofy
Russell: “DO IT REAL SEXY.”
Dara, a la Barry White: “…I was an ANIMAL…FOLLLOWING MY *INSTINCT*…”
Chris: “your future in audiobooks is not assured..”
Dara: “no one’s gonna book me to do sexy audiobooks. [extra Irish] ‘HOW ARE YA? OH. THEY’RE RIDIN’.”

Chris: “Now they’re going ‘he didn’t talk like that when he was prime minister’. Of course not, he was PRIME MINISTER. The Go Compare man doesn’t sing the whole time!”
OKAY, THIS HAS TO BE A MANDATE OF SOME SORT. They are bringing it up EVERY DAMNED WEEK. It’s not like Kerry Katona where it’s a running gag. This is a PRODUCT. Yes, the commercials are on a lot, but they don’t HAVE to bring it up every week. WERE THEY GETTING PAID? THEY HAVE TO BE. IT’S BEEN LIKE 9 STRAIGHT SHOWS.

The subject turns to Blair’s drinking, and that, according to Russell, “his drinking did lead to him invading a country”
Chris: “Which makes the UN the international equivalent of a woman in a carpark going ‘LEAVE IT, TERRY, SHE’S NOT WORTH IT.”
Chris is having a great show so far.

Heck, to usher Russell out the door, Andy nails a comparison joke: “The UN made him the middle east peace envoy after he’d started two wars in the middle east. It would be like making that woman who chucked a cat in a wheely-bin an RSPCA inspector!”

Russell, Dara and Andy all collaborate on a bit about Churchill drinking and employing that in his prime minister duties. It’s one of the last real pictures of this dynamic, which was always very fun.

Hugh, still on Churchill, to Dara: “he also, and let’s be honest, looked quite a lot like you!”
Dara:

Hugh has Dara do the speech, and Dara does it in an overexaggerated impression.
Russell: “what, NOT THE CHURCHILL’S DOG!”
Dara: “no, it was Tommy Cooper: “WE WILL FIGHT THEM….SHOWADDEH-WADDEH!”
I never thought I’d hear THAT impression on the show again…
There’s even a cut to Hugh, amused
Chris: “that’s not Tommy Cooper…”

Hugh, an actual impressionist, keeps trying to coach Dara on his Churchill: “say this ‘…nnngNEVAH IN THE FIIIIELD OF HUUUMAN CONFLICT.”
Chris: “DO SEXY CHURCHILL.”
Dara:

“we will fight them on the beaches…”
This is such a goofy bit

Dara: “why is William Hague in the news this week?”
Russell: “he’s come out and said he’s not gay.”
[This is the second ‘not-answer’ Russell has given that’s gotten no laughs from the audience]
Dara: “d’you want to rethink the wording of that sentence any-?”
Russell: “no, not at all..”
He does get a joke in: “Cameron didn’t help matters by saying the entire tory party were behind him.”

It’s about Hague booking a room with a male advisor, and the murkiness of that
Russell: “We share a room when we’re on tour together, don’t we?”
Andy: “no.”
Russell: “sure we do, DON’T LIE. Me, Andy and Hugh in one bed, Dara in the other…”

Chris: “I share a bed with a woman, does that make me a lesbian? Admittedly, it may eventually make HER one.”
Such a well-constructed joke. Already, Chris is coming off like a regular

Andy brings up the hypocrisy of Hague, who makes 400K a year, sharing a room with someone
Russell: “SOME OF US GET NIGHT TERRORS.”
This is…genuinely great

Milton: “I’ve been reading about Hague, and apparently he has to compete with Rotterdam as a port.”
PFFFFF. Slowburner

A pretty fantastic opening round. The opening game bit was really good, the Churchill bit is an underrated gem, and while Russell and the regulars got a lot of airtime, there was still time for great stuff from the guests, especially Chris

Stand Up Round: Andi, Andy and Milton

Andi, on politics, is very good at keeping the energy going during the setup portions, like dropping, for a moment, that Diane Abbott has absolutely no chance. Unfortunately there’s not a ton of substance in this set, just some easy Johnson slams

Andy goes up for ‘security’, and:

“…That dog looks excited, doesn’t he? Dyou think some old lady’s trapped a cat in the suitcase?”

Andy talks about the Times Square bomber using “non-explosive fertilizer. He hadn’t created a bomb, he basically created a garden in the back of his SUV.”

Andy: “I think we’ll know when Bin Laden is dead, when Al Qaeda release all of his videos together as a box set.”
A pretty confident set from Andy. Even if it was only really 2 jokes, they were two very good jokes.

Milton’s highlights, on the topic of school:
-First of all, one of my all-time favorite Milton jokes. No hyperbole: “when I was 5 years old, my teacher asked me if I wanted to take the school guinea pig home. Seven months later I arrived in the African republic of Guinea. My parents didn’t know where I was, the British Consolate didn’t help, and my spacehopper had a puncture.”
There are so many amazing details in that. The reveal of the punchline, and then going further into it with details. I have always remembered this one, and it made me respect Milton almost immediately.
-“When I was at school, I spent half my time afraid of things like FRACTIONS, oooh…well, I say half my time…”
WE CUT TO CHRIS:

Chris is just getting beaten over the head with this set
-Milton has a very goofy ‘not by a long chalk’ joke that he punctuates with a very funny expression

A decent stand-up round, with sets that got better as the round went on, culminating in Milton’s very strong one.

If This is the Answer: Sport; 3

Chris: “is it the number of North Korean players who got home safely after the World Cup?”
Milton: “is it how many Sugababes now have diabetes?”

Andy does have the darkest one yet, though: “how long does a game of I Spy take, in seconds, for a group of Chilean Miners”
JESUS
Dara: “…starts with a J. ‘Is it Javier again?’ ‘…yes it is Javier, again.”

Chris: “is it how many livers did George Best get through?”
AUDIENCE UPROAR
Chris: ‘what? HE LIKED LIVER. It was ONE OF HIS FAVORITE MEALS!”
I do love how Chris responds to the audience

Russell gets into similar trouble: “how old was the boy who made my trainers?”
MORE GROANS
Russell: “it was a JOKE, I’m wearin’ hush-puppies…”

Milton, in a manner only he can nail: “is it how many Facebook friends have I GOT?” [dances]

Hugh, with a slow-burn: “is it what is the minimum membership level for a Musketeers club.”
It snuck up and got me, that one

Andy has a pretty harsh slam at Christina Bleakley
Dara: “wow, the minute you leave the BBC, you’re DEAD to us…”

This is about the Pakistani cricketers who threw a match. It’s lost on me for a lot of it. Andy does bring it to someplace funny, though: “And you’re thinking, my goodness me, we had just lost to them in the third test match. If it turns out that they were match-fixing, we’d been trying to beat them, and we lost, to a team that were QUITE POSSIBLY TRYING TO THROW THE MATCH. HOW CRAP ARE WE?”
Dara: “STOP HITTING THE BALL.”

Andi points out the extreme tactics of reporting this. “People in the papers are saying ‘this is the worst crime a sportsman can commit’, and I’m thinking ‘you try and tell O.J. Simpson’s wife that…”

Russell talks about the emasculating feeling of going to bet on the Grand National
Dara: “yeah, could you imagine [high voice] I’D LIKE TO BET ON A HORSE PLEASE. I’LL PICK THE ONE WITH THE PRETTIEST NAME.”

Andy, on the prostitute Wayne Rooney slept with: “she said she wouldn’t have sex with him in his house out of respect for Colleen. A WOMAN WITH STANDARDS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.”

Chris: “I’ll tell ya how middle class I am, when I saw the headline on News of the World, ‘Cheating Roo Beds Hooker’ I thought ‘Kanga’s gonna be FURIOUS.”

Not as good of a conversation round as the first one. A bit more scattered topic-wise, with a lot less variety of who was talking [again, lots of Russell and Andy]. Some good lines, yes, but a bit weak in comparison to how we started.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Unlikely Things to Read in a Political Memoir”, a topical one:
Russell, topically: “I thought I’d pressed the button to summon the tea lady. Imagine my surprise when I found I’d bombed Russia.”

Andy: “I suspected that John Prescott was having an affair when the four legs of his desk came through the ceiling above me.”
I’m glad Prescott jokes can still work this far in

Andi, doing a decent Blair: “deciding to go to war was one of the tensest games of Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Mo I’d ever played”

Russell: “We sometimes broke up boring cabinet meetings by convincing David Blunkett he was black”
THAT got me. Around this time, New York had a blind, black governor, so it would have fit

Hugh, going for the jugular for the first of two times this game: “take that, ya bastard, he said. No one fucks with Mahatma Gandhi.”

“Things You Wouldn’t Hear in a Medical Documentary.”
Hugh: “next, he was put in a CAT scanner. Unfortunately, the cat was still in it.”
Milton, with another fantastic political swipe: “and Nick Griffin comes ’round after his face transplant and THAT’S NOT THE COLOR HE WAS EXPECTING…”
I love his little smile after that one

Andy, wonderfully underplayed: “okay, cough please…and cough again. Okay. I’ve got the diagnosis….you’ve got a cough.”

Andy: “today we’re attempting a rather difficult operation, what we’re doing is to try to remove the adam’s apple with a pair of tweezers without the patient’s nose flashing red.”

Chris: “Tara removes her top to reveal a hideous skin infection. Look away now if you’re eating rice krispies.”
You can hear someone, probably Russell, do a full fledged ‘PFFFF’ here. It is a fantastic joke

And then Hugh comes down with…something no one is expecting: “The siamese twins were conjoined in the most embarrassing place imaginable, and known by friends…as the skipping rope.”
First of all, the second this goes off you can hear a woman laugh so hard that it sounds like she’s having a heart attack.
And then it hits the panel


The laughs come in waves. And it does not let up. Meanwhile, poor Andy.
He realizes then and there that it’s not going to be worth it, and heads back. It’s one heck of an explosive finish to this round.

Kind of a mixed SWLTS, but it definitely built as it went on, culminating in that huge ending.

Overall: A show that started and ended strong, and had plenty of nice energy throughout. The highlights, such as the Churchill bit and the skipping rope ending, speak for themselves, but this is also just a well-stocked panel, with Andi doing underrated work as connector, Chris already feeling like a regular, Milton routinely bowling people over, and Andy taking an offensive approach tonight. There were some lulls, especially due to the topics in ITITA, but this is still a strong show. And yes, Russell feels like he’s contending with the show at some points, but he does combine for some fun moments here, even if he is a bit much, and a bit stale, in points here.

Best Regular: Andy stepped up tonight, and was responsible for a lot of the show’s outward content.
Best Guest: Chris took the most active approach, and provided more of a backbone than even Russell tonight.
Worst Performer: Hate to say it, but Russell failed tonight more than he succeeded, and seemed like either an overbearing or weak factor in his own sendoff, whether he knew it at the time or not.
Best Round: Headliners packed so much in, and had the best energy.
Best Topic: Blair’s memoir
Best Runner: Dara as Winston Churchill

COMING UP NEXT: Mock moves on without Russell. Four very trustworthy guests, including an unlikely newcomer.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E06, or They Turn Fast, This Crowd

The producers decided to put a compilation midseason, to accommodate the Edinburgh break, which was now a thing that would regularly happen. All episodes are in play.

We begin with a Trails Recording: Dara happily doing an ad for this week’s mock the week [E1] while drowned out entirely by the sound of vuvuzelas. He eventually quiets the noise with a flyswatter. It’s a very goofy gag, but I like it. Reminds me of Colin Mochrie wordlessly mouthing a hoedown in S4 of WL.

The intro is from the taping of E5. We even include the end of the take, where Dara mutters ‘lovely, I’ll be in my trailer…”

Boris Johnson, E5:

Russell: “DEAL OR NO DEAL HAS REVEALED THE IDENTITY…OF THE BANKER. THE BANKER IS BORIS.”
That is a great one to start with

Stewart: “gotta say, that is the worst phone sex operator I’ve ever used. DON’T GET ME WRONG, WE GOT THERE…”

Andy: “is he in fact going ‘I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MAYOR OF LONDON…WHAT D’YOU MEAN IT’S ENGAGED?”
Yes, Boris being dumb is an easy joke to make, but these are all great

Chris, much more bitingly: “is he saying ‘hello, is that Durex? I want to complain…”
Andy, on a similar satirical wavelength: “has he put his hand over his ear cause he’s worried it’ll go IN ONE EAR…”

It’s about the Boris love child scandal [which one?]. Russell talks about the ugly imagery of Boris talking dirty. “Madam, your udders are as magnificent as Cicero’s oratory…”

Stewart, doing what Frankie would do in this scenario: “his ladies aren’t that attractive, I mean at least Blunkett had an excuse…”
10/10

A very funny bit. As good as E5 was, it somehow wouldn’t have even helped if it had been included.

On the Vuvuzela, E2:

Pretty much as aired.

There’s a lot more on the world cup, which works for me as much as the rest of that show did [it doesn’t]. Dara does have a bit detailing french insults, however, since it’s not rapped, it’s not as funny to me.

The whole conversation is about a french player calling someone ‘the son of a whore’, which is sort of funny in itself. Hugh did bring it over the line, in categorizing the french as barely audible, and low-toned whispering “…you are ze son of a whore.”
Dara: “I like to imagine that the entire french dressing room is in black and white…with people smoking…”

Hugh brings back the low-voiced muttering to supplant a Russell joke about french people buying british goods [“….i woould like a finder’s creespy pancake…”]. It’s just stupidly funny to me

BETWEEN THE LINES: Hugh translates for Russell, as David Cameron, from E1

One of the last BTL playings to make air. I think they do another one with a guest star down the line. But this one was an early Youtube favorite of mine.

Of course, we start with a very easy ‘Clegg is Cameron’s butler’ joke.

Russell: “I’m here to talk about real policies, not just popular slogans.”
Hugh, of course: “…these aren’t just real policies…these are meticulously crafted, organic, deficit-cutting policies.”

Russell: “the good news is we just found oil, just off the Falklands.”
Hugh, for the first of two times where he wonders if he should take the easy joke: “…the bad news is it’s drifted there from the Gulf of Mexico.”

Russell sees the line on the prompter, sees the face Hugh is pulling, and is already down for the count. “Don’t you pull that face on me.”
Eventually, he gets the line out: “people say I’m just image and spin, but you can see statesmanship written all over my face.”
Hugh:

This took me down my first watch. As it takes down Russell.

Russell, chuckling as he reads it: “it’s very important to discuss that I am VERY FAMILIAR with the language and culture of young people.”
Hugh: “WUSUUUUUUPPPP!???”
jesus

Russell is teetering on the edge of composure. Yes, it’s a contrast from Frankie and Rory, but it just makes Hugh look even better for this one

Russell: “I can’t relate to hoodies, but at school, I was a real tearaway'”
Hugh: “yes, there was that time we spooned quince into matron’s loafers.”
…and he just…does a mime of this process. It’s so silly.

Russell, still through laughs: “in fact, though I’m not proud to say it, I was once a gang member.”
Hugh: “…yes, no one messed with the ETON CHORISTERS.”
The hook is there. Anything tough Cameron says is undercut by his poshness.
Hugh, in a high-pitched, smiley voice: “FA LA LA LA LAAAAAA!”
AND THEN HE DOES THE GANG SIGNS AGAIN. The man is on a roll

Then, Russell has one last kicker in for Hugh: “having visited America recently, I must say I haven’t met anyone like Barack Obama before.”
Hugh, like with the oil one, gets the obvious joke:

And the audience knows exactly where he’s gonna go.
Hugh, finally: “well, I have, but normally they’re wearing white gloves and serving me G&T.”
Of course.

A classic BTL, the last great one, bringing it back to the quality of the Hugh-Frankie ones.

on Tory MP Mark Reckless, from E4

A few of these, on drunk MP Reckless, are kind of on the nose. Russell does it best “you know when you find someone with a name like that and they’re quite shy? Like, ‘oh, what’s your name?’ ‘Troy Pussypounder?”

Milton: “we’ve all been drunk at work, haven’t we? I remember when I worked at an oil rig in the mexican gulf…”
THERE HE IS

Not a great bit. Lots of easy jokes.

Newsreel: Hugh is Fabio Cappello and the England team: E2

Not great. There’s just not a lot of good material to get from these, and a lot more easy jokes. Man, it’s almost like they should have waited til the end of the series to do the compilation or something…

Raising Retirement Age: E3

Hugh talks about how men have a life expectancy 4 years shorter than women: “so to be fair, we should retire 4 years earlier than women.”
SOME APPLAUSE
Dara: “It’s interesting to hear EXACTLY half the audience applaud. And for exactly half the audience to NUDGE the half that are applauding and go ‘ohhh I don’t know…”
Hugh: “it’d work in my house, because if I said that to my wife, my life expectancy would be EVEN SHORTER…”

Andy does say that if you live to 78, “look after yourself a bit…that does mean that there could be a bit of spare totty kicking around.”
Russell: “Oh my god I’ve got a beautiful image of you, age 78, [Parsons voice] “HELLO LADIEEESSSSuhh”
I am gonna miss Russell’s Andy impression.

Dara makes another point about Andy “in an over-80s disco…and the thing is, you’ll look EXACTLY THE SAME.”
That’s great. A nod to the fact that Andy barely ages. Andy loves that one

What on Earth: E4

Russell: “OH, I LOVE YMCA.”
Andy: “is she saying ‘i’d like to apologize for what my husband is about to say to you”
That’s perfect

Milton has a SATNavajo pun that initially brings out groans but eventually just laughter from the panel. Milton just bows his head in shame

Russell: “Milton, it’s a RARE day when you’ve hid away from a pun…”

Seann: “is she saying ‘I love the hat’, and he’s thinking ‘yeah, wait til you find out that two of your swans are missing.”
A great line amidst a shakier run from Seann

Zoe: “is she saying ‘I know all about battle axes, my son married one.”
GROANS
Zoe: “OH, COME ON!”
Dara: “…they turn fast, this crowd…”

Dara: “that man does not look like a sailor…he looks like he’s in a BAND with a guy that looks like a sailor…”

A very funny early Picture of the Week round, all good stuff here.

EXTRA BITS-

-From E4, Hugh asks when they’re taking a loo break. “Actually it’s fine, because I’ve just been.”

-from E1, Dara is arguing with the producers about something involving how the show goes.
Andy: “it’s always good to edit the show in the middle of it, I find…”

Turns out, they’re trying to filter in the vuvuzela topic naturally, and they can’t figure out how [without Nik].
Russell tries asking a question about it and leading to him taking it out, and Dara thinks that’ll be cheesy.
Russell “I’VE GOT IT, I’VE GOT A WAY TO DO IT. Hey Dara, is that a vuvuzela in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”

E5, pickups

Dara re-asks a question to Ed, and Ed responds with some attitude. We pan back and only Ed and Hugh are onstage for pickups.
Ed: “now that it’s just me and you, I probably still can’t get a word in”

Pre-Stand Up Round, E1:

Milton makes his way to the step WHEN SUDDENLY:
BAM
Dara, in the middle of his ‘you can all make your way to the performance area please’ spiel: “without…KICKING THE SHIT out of the set…”
Milton’s pack fell out. He tries fixing it.
Dara, through his vuvuzela: “FUCK OFF, OFF THE THING.”
Hugh: “WELL, THAT’S A MINUTE OF THE DVD SORTED OUT…”
Bad news, Hugh…
Dara: “yeah, that moment seemed a bit TOO HOT FOR TV…”

E4, pickups

Dara: “how has Mandelson been promoting the serialization of the Times in his new book?”
Hugh, despite them only needing the question: “…he’s been on Jonathan Ross-”
Dara: “shut up”
Hugh: “with a new act called One Poof and a Memo.”
PFFFFF

E1, pickups

Russell’s talking about an episode of Mongrels where one of the cats gets a lazy eye “and the other one says to him ‘what in the name of Russell Howard has happened to your face?”. I mean, it proves he’s made it

E3, SWLTS

Dara announces the gardening topic, Micky goes up…and Andy points out that the screen hasn’t changed.
Andy: “I’d like to complain to my TV channel about the caption!”
The PA tells Micky to go back
Micky: “I don’t wanna leave, cause I might not be back again…you know what it’s like when you’re new anyway, you just get fucked over…”
god bless Micky

SWLTS: Unlikely Letters to Television Channels: E3

As aired. A pretty good one to run

Things You Don’t Want to Hear in Hospital: E1

As aired. Though this one has an extra vuvuzela blow by Dara to end the show

Takeaways: Not a lot of in-between here. What’s funny is instantly memorable, like the Picture of the Week rounds, the old people stuff, a lot of the extra bits and that Between the Lines. What’s forgettable is a lot of the other stuff, a lot of the repeated material, and Newsreel. It gives the feeling that maybe they should have kept the recap at the end of the series, instead of forcing one here and making the editors scrounge for material that may not be worth it.

What was interesting to me was that Chris’s appearances in this episode were in a very passive, connecting role, whereas there was a LOT of Russell and [to a lesser extent] Hugh. We didn’t hear a word from Jarred Christmas, and we [most surprisingly knowing the producers] didn’t hear a word from Jack Whitehall. This may have been one of the first clues that the editors weren’t as keen on Jack as the producers were.

COMING UP NEXT: A regular bows out, alongside three solid guest picks.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E05, or When Did Those Three Guys Get Here?

Another really wisely-stocked panel- Chris Addison, Ed Byrne and Stewart Francis. Of course, this leads to one of the single funniest panel dynamics of the series. This is a favorite of mine.

Headliners: C.A.B.S.

Ed: “he’s actually playing a game he used to play as a child, CABs, Cowboys and Butlers.”
PFFF
Chris, of course: “is it Clegg! Another Bacon Sandwich!”

Hugh, with an evergreen one: “is it ‘Child? Adultery? Boris? …shit.”
Andy: “is it Cameron Attempts Black Solidarity”
That one’s just funnier with the photo

Stewart, doing what I thought someone ought to have done first: “is it TAXI? nonono, cabs, I’m so STUPID…”

Chris: “is it Charmless Aristocrat Buggers Society?”
Impressed applause, though brief
Chris: “…THAT’S RIGHT…”

Russell: “that was such a lovely response- ‘that sounds like SOMETHING WE SHOULD CLAP AT…”

Ed: “is it Conceited, Arrogant, Boring Shitehawk?”
Hugh: “…SHITE HAWK?”
Dara: “Shitehawk is a great word, it’s a very Irish word, you may have it as a gift.”
Hugh: “Does it exist? Is there such a thing as a shitehawk?”
Dara: “NO, THERE ISN’T AN ACTUAL BIRD-”
Hugh: [flaps confusedly]
Russell: “it’d be amazing if it was on Springwatch and ya shot one” [mimes exploding shit]

Chris: “OOMPH. That’s not even a word and he wants to put ‘OOMPH’ back in schools? ‘That’s right, and I’d like to give hospitals some more HA-CHA-CHA-CHAAA.”
Chris is off to a hot start
Dara: “I think a government run entirely on sound effects would be great. ‘yes, I will be coming to a place near you- CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP”

Russell also keeps our Go Compare joke streak going. Was this contractually obligated? This is like every damned show since Frankie left

Russell does point out the hypocrisy of the ‘we’re all in this together’ thread that Cameron’s trying. “Cameron comparing his plight to that of the British people is like me stubbing my toe and going ‘I feel just like Heather Mills!”
Ed, taking it even further: “you find that stubbing your toe makes you want to rip off a Beatle?”
Russell responds with a very polite handshake. Joke unity!

Chris also takes issue with Cameron keeping open the pubs as part of policy. “If there was a state-run pub, you would not want to go. ‘BARMAN NUMBER FIVE PLEASE.”

Hugh mentions that Cameron’s idea for funding is “something called The Big Society Bank, which sounds like it should be in Balamory.”
Ohhh just you wait til later this series…

Russell: “Obama’s just saying to him ‘you call me soul man ONE MORE TIME, WHITE BOY…”
Hugh, smartly: “Is Obama just going ‘so David, I hear your ancestors made money in cotton and sugar?”

Stewart, who I’ve just realized hasn’t spoken since the opening round: “IS IT CAMERON AND BARACK SMOOCH? ….we still playing that game?”
That is perfect
And then Dara, once he realizes what Stewart’s done:

Russell: “Cameron says he’s gonna STAND UP to the US, and you’re thinking ‘no you’re not, there’s more of a chance of Danny Dyer being the new host of QI…”
…could you imagine, though?

Hugh does mention that “BP are involved in the release of Al-Magrahi”
Dara, knowing which producers he’s dealing with: “ehhh let’s stick the word ‘allegedly’ in there..”
Hugh: “okay, ALLEGEDLY-”
Dara: “cause BP have ONE OR TWO lawyers, possibly…being something of a LARGE CORPORATION”
Stewart: “and they’re slick lawyers..”
Dara, ONCE AGAIN REALIZING WHAT STEWART HAS DONE:

This is gonna be a great one for Dara reactions, I see..

Dara: “I imagine the latest BP spillage is their lawyer going- [SPIT TAKE]”
HAHAHAHAHA

The great thing about Chris is that he and Dara get along on the guise of old-fashioned physical humor. Chris does a whole mime of trying to plug up all the oil holes [“it turns into a game of Twister”], even putting his foot on the desk. Dara responds to this by framing the moment they think everything’s plugged up and you just see the shaking coffee mug on the table.

Andy: “Tony Heywood, when it came to the oil spill, said it was tiny, when compared to the total water volume of the gulf of Mexico. Now I tried a similar excuse when I had a piss in the swimming pool…”
Andy’s having the quietest night of the regulars so far, but he can still come in the clutch

This one picked up steam as we moved away from the boring ‘Cameron is posh’ stuff and into the more satirical material on the oil spill and US/UK relations. Also, the panel’s really getting along so far, Chris is fitting in arguably more than Russell, whose material is starting to feel more crass.

Stand Up Round: Ed, Andy and Stewart

Dara: “the next round is called Eamonn Holmes is Hungry For Jokes”
…alright then. Is this around the time that Eamonn started complaining about MTW taking pops at him?

Ed comes up for ‘pets’:

Ed: “…does it look like I’m being ATTACKED by two animals?”

Ed’s is interesting, talking about how adopting a stray by the bins is something you can do with a cat but not with a human, and talking about all the behaviors that are fine with pets but not with people.
It’s honestly a pretty great, well-done set by him. It’s not quite what I look for in comics on this show, but it’s undoubtedly one of Ed’s strongest ones

Andy, on sport, realizes something:

Andy: “…does it look like I’m being attacked by two giant testicles?”

Andy, again, is so good at callbacks

Andy does talk about Sepp Blatter, of FIFA, about a year before he becomes a bigger name.

Andy’s set is a lot of basic observations, didn’t do much for me.

Note that before Stewart starts his set, he looks back at the screen, showing a crossword puzzle, and looks like he’s about to do another ‘attacked by a giant x’ joke. But he doesn’t.

Stewart’s highlights, on Leisure:
-“what’s the deal with trainspotters? I counted 27 of the losers today.”
…such a good joke.
-“my dad has a weird hobby, he collects empty bottles, which sounds so much better than ‘alcoholic’.”
-“I like to go to bookstores and say to the clerk ‘hello, I’m looking for a book titled ‘How to Deal With Rejection Without Killing”
…all these are thinkers, and I love it.
-“In my spare time I like to fart on crowded lifts, which is wrong on so many levels.”
Yeah, pretty awesome set. Points deducted for a transphobic one, but he’s having a great night.

If This is the Answer: Health; 35 Million a Year

This is the round where it happens

Ed: “how many times does Katie Holmes think “…if I just make a run for it…”
Hugh, with enough dramatic pauses baked in: “if you are the man who ate all the pies…how many pies…would you be eating?”

Stewart: “is it how many times Dara googles himself? And when I say google, I mean masturbate.”
JESUS STEWART

Russell: “is it how much money would the UK make if they pimped out Robert Pattinson?”
ONE AUDIENCE MEMBER SQUEALS
Andy: “…JUST FROM THAT LADY.”
He is so quick
Ed, again wonderfully misunderstanding: “when you say ‘pimped him out’, d’you mean, like, put big rims on him?”

Russell suggests they let people ‘pay 100 pounds to…do what they want with him’
Ed: “If you paid me 100 pounds to do what I want with him…that’d be the end of him.”
…SEE THE BATMAN IN CINEMAS NOW!
Stewart, under applause: “Talking about RIMS…”
oh my god

The answer is about all the people taking sick days
Stewart: “35 MILLION? That makes me SICK……can I go home now?”
This is just the Best Of show for Stewart all in one show

Stewart: “what I was saying to the guys in the office the other day, you weren’t there, Dara…”
Dara: “well, I had a very heavy cold…”

Russell talks about the easy excuse of ‘women’s problems’ to get as many sick days as problems. “You can’t do that [his usual squeaky voice] I’VE GOT MAAN’S PROBLEMS!’ ‘well, STOP TOUCHING IT, THEN.”

And then we go to the story “you may not have seen”, from the Evening Herald in Dublin, saying that having a larger head can be good for prevention against Alzheimer’s. “All of which is very interesting”, says Dara, looking already very concerned. “it was the NEXT PARAGRAPH I found difficult to take…”

JUST…THIS ALONE. Dara’s pissed. Hugh’s just going ‘…what’s the problem?’
Dara: “now that would be alright IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE FACT THAT THE ARTICLE CAME WITH A GIANT PHOTOGRAPH OF ME…”

And this is the kicker. Cause this is just a funny image.

Dara: “underneath it says ‘EXTRA LARGE, COLON, REPORT IS GOOD NEWS FOR DARA O’BRIAIN’. No it’s not! It’s not good news! Because I’ve suddenly realized I’ve got a BIG HEAD apparently…”
He’s playing this perfectly. Obviously in good humor, just flabbergasted that this went out

I want to make it clear that there’s like a 4-man race to be the first comedian to make a joke about this. Ed wins with ‘DARA, PROTECT US FROM THE ALZHEIMERS.”
Stewart: “…forget about it!”
HE’S NOT GONNA FAIL THIS SHOW, IS HE?

Stewart has a throwaway gag about modeling for penile dysfunction [“It was a before and after thing”]
Dara: “I DIDN’T MODEL FOR THAT!”
And Dara starts going off about how he never thought it was that big, and he does this in a way that moves himself forward, so that Stewart can point to Andy’s team and go ‘when did those three guys get here?”

Just…dealing with this

Hugh: “to be fair, a big head doesn’t cause the owner a problem, moreso the owner’s mother.”
Dara: “it’s smaller than my hips..”
Chris, listening to this: “your head is SMALLER THAN YOUR HIPS? What kind of shape are you? Are you a peanut?”
[behind this you can hear Stewart go ‘what, did Shakira say that?’, doing a cheeky ‘hips don’t lie’ joke]

Around here, Russell starts shouting over people to try and get his joke in, which is NOT a good move. You will get your chance, Russell, you are the star of the bloody show.
Finally, “I’m gonna take you to a hall of mirrors and show you how you should look.”

Ed, of course, has to get one in: “your head is absolutely enormous, in fact, on a regular size head, that would be a full head of hair.”
Dara can’t help but laugh at that one
Dara: “…are or are you not staying in my house tonight?”
PFFF

Chris offers up the smartest one yet: “to put it into context how big it actually is, Dara, your head has amassed its own gravitational field, it’s PULLED IN AN ENTIRE PLANET BEHIND YOU.”

PERFECT
Chris: “this desk was STRAIGHT when we started!”

Dara: “I was expecting SYMPATHY. That’s why I INTRODUCED this topic.”
He cannot get one sentence through without laughter from the panel.
Chris, scoffing: “what I did was I said something- I revealed a weakness in front of six comedians and thought ‘THERE’S a group that’ll help me through this…”
After the big response to this, cause it’s a great line, Dara goes “…I have to say, I think of you all as friends, I don’t think of you as comedians.”
Boom. Dara gets his comeback in, and we can wrap up.

So…what’s so good about this round is that Dara brings this up knowing there’ll be slams, and they come from ALL SIDES [save for fellow big-headed-baldy Andy], and there’s so much variation and difference to all of them. It flows so well, and it’s such a classic bit because Dara can laugh at himself, but he also knows when to take aim at these people. Chris and Ed, and Stewart, had the funniest barbs here.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Rejected Questions from This Year’s Exams”
Ed: “if an oil well is spilling out 50,000 barrels a day, how do you stop it? NO. REALLY. HOW DO YOU STOP IT?”
Russell: “if you removed a man’s lower intestine and stretched it as far as it would go, how angry would he be?”

Chris: “calculate the circumference of Eamonn Holmes using PIE.”
WHAT DID HE DO???

Ed: “Chemistry: what’s that smell?”
IT’S THAT SIMPLE. JUST THAT ALONE IS FUNNY.

Andy, who’s done a lot of clapter-y ones this round but keeps it simple: “your mum’s a slag: discuss.”

“Things you won’t hear in a gardening program”
Hugh: “if you’re into naked gardening, here’s a tip…be careful what you do with the SHEEARRS”
Pretty classic one

Chris: “not only that, but somebody’s been sneaking into the allotment and putting topsoil on the ground…the plot thickens.”
The kind of pun that Ed Gamble would be fond of

Russell: “and now over to our lawnmower expert, Stumpy Jeff”

“HIIII GUYS!”

Hugh: “well, I’ve been having trouble dealing with a mole. He keeps on passing confidential information to other gardeners.”
I love the switch to the slightly absurd in the punchline

Ed does a very goofy one, talking about the backyard and everything in it, “and over there is the tree of knowledge- YOU WILL NOT EAT FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE.”
Just the sudden angry energy he throws in

And then Stewart: “in a garden, it’s important to-…who’s blocking my light? Dara, could you just-”

THAT is how you bring a gag back. That is beautiful

Honestly, considering the quality of the rest of the show, kind of a weak SWLTS. A lot of lulls, easy jokes and ones that didn’t shock me. Also, our ending gag was a racist one courtesy of Andy and Russell.

Overall: I love this show. I love the central gag, the dynamic, the callbacks, the flow of the show. A lot is great here, and it’s boosted by Stewart, Ed and Chris complementing each other, and the show. The ‘Dara has a big head’ thing is so meticulously presented, and the entire conversation piece afterwards is legendary for a reason, because it’s the exact right 6 people to be batting it back to Dara. Stewart had a phenomenal show, just getting laughs whenever he felt like it, as opposed to Ed and Chris’s more traditional showings. My only gripes are some round lulls, and honestly a few missteps from Russell and Andy, especially Russell, who is beginning to show why the show moved on from him. But this is still a classic, and one of my favorites.

Best Regular: Hugh did a lot right this show, and did the best of the regulars.
Best Guest: Stewart goddamned Francis.
Worst Performer: Russell had the most who missed for me tonight, but not without effort.
Best Round: If This is the Answer, cause that’s where it all went down.
Best Topic: oil spill
Best Runner: Dara’s head

COMING UP NEXT: As the Edinburgh break has hit, a compilation for you.

Mock the Watchdown: S09E04, or There Are In Fact NINETEEN Magic Biscuits

This episode features a pretty well stocked menagerie of trusted semi-regulars: Milton Jones, Zoe Lyons and Seann Walsh. This is Zoe and Seann’s only appearances of the series.

Headliners: M.B.A.L.

[honestly, the photo’s funny enough]
Russell: “is it Mandelson Blatantly a Lizard?
Hugh, bringing back his Mandelson impression: “is it ‘MY BRIEFS…..ARE LEATHER.”
Andy, hungry for applause: “is it everything he enjoys doing? Muckraking, Bullshitting and Leaving?”

Seann: “is it Mandelson Burns Adorable Labradors?”
THE CROWD RIOTS
Russell: “WHAT IS THAT? It’s just a joke, no one’s actually doing it!”

Hugh, who will never not crack me up with these: “is it just simply “…Mister Bond…at LAST…”
And, again…foreshadowing career moves for him

Andy, fooling us with the ‘I know what this is’ intro: “it’s what he requested on Desert Island Disks. Michael Buble and Lubrication.”
JESUS
Any…specific kind of lube, Andy?
Russell: “how bad would it be if Lubrication were like a jazz band?”
PFFFF

Russell: “Mandelson Burns a Leprechaun?”
Dara, resident Irishman:

“CERTAINLY NOT.”
I also love him going, under his desk, “I LOOK OUT FOR YA ALL…No one will be burning you on MY WATCH.”
Plot twist, they’re not elves, they’re leprechauns.
Dara: “…oh no, I’ve slipped into a stereotype…”

Andy: “that man is so oily that if he went for a swim in the Atlantic, BP would be off the hook.”

Russell: “hang on, Mandelson seems to be dressed as the Compare the Meerkat for some reason”
IS THIS GONNA BE EVERY SHOW?

Dara talks about the advertising campaign, bridging the story as this sort of fairy tale epic. “WHO ARE WE IN THIS CASE? Are we the villagers? I am SHREK, I know…I’m an idiot, I know where I fit in the fairy tale scheme.”
Odd that he calls himself Shrek before Ed can

Milton: “it’s weird to think he’s the son of Nelson Mandela”
[…and then the audience gets it]
Russell, bringing it back to last time: “GRANDAD WE LOVE YOU…”

Russell talks about the pranks Brown must have left for Cameron, and they go from putting cling film on the toilets and changing the phone contacts to sex lines to “everyone stand back, I’m gonna curl one out on the desk.”
Dara: “ALL THE OTHERS ARE PRANKS. All the others are ‘auuuughhh.’, But POOING ON THE DESK is not a prank!”
Hugh: “you are massively reducing your chances of ever selling a house.”
BAM. It’s been a while since we’ve seen a regular get another regular this good. And three shows before he leaves, too.

We bring up Michael Gove for one of the first times here.

Andy: “he looks like a cross between Skeletor, E.T., and Stewie from Family Guy.”

Andy talks about Gove presenting a list of schools to be defunded, but having it riddled with errors. “Now, as the education secretary, I think he should have to write out that list A HUNDRED TIMES…”

I also love Andy’s joke about the reveal that only 18 teachers in the last 40 years are actually losing their jobs and not teaching elsewhere. “They’ll have to change that saying, won’t they? Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach…they teach as well…”

Russell talks about his friend, whose folks made him think there was a bear in the locked cupboard under the stairs, and eventually put a bear costume and a noose in there and locked it up again. Bizarre punchline.
Dara: “you know what that is, Russell? THAT is a prank.”
AND IT COMES BACK.

A lot of lulls in this opening round, and a lot of the lifting was done by the regulars. Seann and Zoe basically got one or two lines each. NOT A GOOD SIGN for dynamic building.

Newsreel: Hugh voices Cameron and Boris

This is some easy Boris-Cameron stuff. Boris talking shit about Cameron until the shot reveals he’s next to him. Cameron saying “you remember our deal, don’t say anything for the next 4 years”. Not much going on in this one at all.

Stand Up Round: Seann, Zoe and Milton

Dara: “now we play a round called ‘WHO WILL WIN, LET’S LET PAUL THE *MOCK*TOPUS DECIDE!”
PFFFF. Some of these puns are just good enough

Seann, on transport, comes on in front of a photo of an old-timey locomotive. “I have to get the trains a lot when I- not THOSE trains, these ones are a bit newer..”
The whole set is honestly some pretty par for the course ‘bus replacement service’ jokes

Zoe, on holidays, talks of disappointing holidays in the country. “I think kayaking is an ancient indian word that means ‘this’ll be fun for about two minutes'”
Zoe even talks about her own camping experience. “It rained for 5 days in England. I didn’t get a tan, I got MOLD..”

Zoe: “I think next time I feel like going camping I just won’t leave home for 5 days and not have a shit or a shower.”
A much more confident set than her earlier two, as she’s finally coming into her own on this show.

Milton’s highlights from his set on relationships:
“Never give up your seat to a lady. That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.”
-very cheekily, “I owe my mum, she told me there was a BEAR living under the stairs.”
WE CUT BACK TO AN IMPRESSED RUSSELL.
-“My parents came up last weekend, cause I keep them in the cellar. THAT’S NOT TRUE…I don’t know who they are..”
[almost Frankie-esque]
-“I came home from work and my wife was wearing this little slinky number…which only worked when she went downstairs.”
SUCH A GOOD ONE
-“Recently we bought the box set of Doctor Who and watched it back to back…unfortunately I wasn’t the one facing the screen.”
HA
Really good set from Milton. Proves he can do callbacks as well

Pretty good stand up round, and a better showing from Zoe in addition to the usual Milton dominance.

If This is the Answer: Sport; 15

Zoe, cracking as she comes up with it: “how many times a night does goalkeeper Robert Green wake up screaming?”

Russell makes the first mention of Paul Gascoigne, but there’s nothing yet about some chicken or a fishing rod.

Andy: “is it what age d’you have to be to think that the Twilight films are something other than shit?”
Dara: “…I actually think they speak to me..”

Milton: “is it how many magic biscuits are there in the magic biscuit tree?”
HUGH:

PERFECT
Dara: “…I’d love that to be the right answer, I really would…BUT IN FACT THERE ARE NINETEEN MAGIC BISCUITS.”
I love this show

Andy: “what factor sunscreen would Dale Winton take with him if he was going on holiday to THE CENTER OF THE SUN?”
I love that one
Russell: “what an amazing Wish You Were Here that would be, too…”

Milton: “how many crisps are there in a packet of kettle chips?” [nods confidently]
…DO YOU SEE WHY I ENJOY THIS GUY SO MUCH???

Russell uses that to tie into an anecdote about getting the wrong crisps at the supermarket. [“as if they’re gonna go around their house and go ‘monster munch, Marie’s dead to me, the bitch brought Monster Munch”]
Dara: “that’d be a top quality mistake if you were sent to buy kettle crisps for a party and you brought back Monster Munch. ‘they’re just the same’. THEY’RE…SHAPED…LIKE A MONSTER. THEY’VE CARTOON FEET, THEY’RE LITTLE CARTOON MONSTERS…WHAT KIND OF DINNER PARTY D’YOU THINK I’M TRYING TO THROW HERE?”
Russell, perfectly: “you’re not gonna like these Alphabites either…”

The best bit of this, as Dara is going on about licking the flavor out of the feet of the monster munch, is Hugh going ‘quiet time, Dara’, and Dara just collapsing into his hands. Dara is meant to compose the chaos on this show, and now the show’s lost control of HIM. it’s perfect.

Russell: “it says a lot about the quality of the World Cup that the STAR of the world cup is an octopus, Dara.”

Hugh mentions Paul’s predictions angering the Germans, and said that Spain offered him refuge, “and I have just one word for him: paella.”
Andy: “Paul the Octopus is from WEYMOUTH. HE’S ONE OF OURS!”

Seann: “so just in ten years time on ITV4 there’ll be ‘after they were famous’, and it’ll just be a plate of sushi.”
Seann has been missing a lot with me this show, but that was a good line

Russell talks about the ‘rubbish’ spies that US and Russia had to swap: “they were as good at spying as Brian Blessed is at whispering”
Any Blessed joke works for me

Zoe mentions invisible ink was used. “What’s next, two cans and a piece of string?”
Dara: “yeah, and everyone else in the cafe is using wifi, going ‘why…are they using string?”
Whenever this show goes for goofier concepts, it works for me. That’s why the bear, monster munch, and now this one have lifted the show.

Milton: “if they’re using invisible ink, how do they know when their pens run out?”
And you know this is a goofier show cause Milton’s a part of it

Hugh, after doing another Bond villain voice, does bring up that he had a spy interview once
Dara: “and what did they ask you in this interview?”
Hugh: “…they asked, well, ‘would you like to be a spy?”
…He’s still perfect for this show

Hugh: “I was approached by someone at university who said ‘…would you be interested in intelligence?’ And I said ‘…yes, I’d like to have some.”
Dara: “my dream is that Hugh goes home, you know, goes into the house, hangs up his coat, he turns on a light and there’s a man just sitting in a chair, going, ‘IT’S NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, MR. DENNIS…”
This is such a fun bit. And, again, foreshadows No Time to Die some more.

A much better conversation round. I’m still having issues with Seann, but the conversation felt more whole, and went to goofier places. Plus, Paul the Octopus is just a really fun topic to make jokes about.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Bad Things to Say on a First Date”
Milton: “my last wife asked if I could play Smoke on the Water…so I threw a toaster in her bath.”
Hugh: “you’ve got good hips…LET ME SEE YOUR TEETH. [claps] WE’LL TAKE HER.”
Hugh’s having a much better second half

Milton: “actually, during the day, I’m something quite high up in the city” [makes pigeon noises]
It’s not even gonna be close, is it?

Andy, who sells this with sheepish deadpan: “okay, I did crop my Facebook profile so that you couldn’t see my conjoined twin…”

Russell: “WHOA. HOW PISSED WAS I WHEN I ASKED YOU OUT?”
Andy, right behind him: “…NOT AS PISSED AS I WAS WHEN I SAID YES.”
Andy is so underrated at bringing back jokes, or adding onto jokes, in this round

“Unlikely Lines to Hear in a Disaster Movie”
Even if it didn’t entirely fit, I loved Milton’s sci-fi one about a war caused by “one of our men going ‘I’m going to the shops, do you want anything?’, and another one replied “yes, get me a galaxy”?”

Andy, as if I’d asked for it earlier: “men, we are heavily surrounded, but don’t worry, Gazza has arrived with some chicken and a fishing rod!”
I hope you like this joke, you’re gonna hear it a lot this series

Andy also has one of my favorites of his SWLTS suggestions ever: “the BOAT IS SINKING, THERE’S NOT ENOUGH LIFEBOATS, AND THE WORST THING OF ALL…CELINE DION IS SINGING THE THEME TUNE.”
I laughed SO HARD the first time I saw this. It’s so damn funny. Just the zeal he brings to it

And for those of you who think Milton only sticks to clean humor, well:
Milton: “There is…a house…in New Orleans…[water gurgling noises]”
That’s right, Milton Jones, friend to God and such, just made a Hurricane Katrina joke. Watch out.

Russell: “THE SHIP IS SINKING! ‘i don’t care, I’m a duck!”
Back to the animal jokes for Russell

Seann, foreshadowing Rob Beckett: “…yeah, just press that, it’ll be alright…”

Andy: “do you not realize that if this contagion spreads, THE ENTIRE X-FACTOR JUDGING PANEL COULD BE WIPED OUT?”
A section of the audience: “…EYYYY!”
Andy cracks up at this

Pretty damn good SWLTS round. A lot of great energy here, especially coming from Andy and Hugh.

Overall: Tale of two halves. First half had no dynamic energy and sort of slunk along without editing the guests very well and over-editing Russell. The second half was much better, and had so much great work from Andy, Hugh, Milton and Zoe, as well as some very cool running gag energy. Why couldn’t we have just had this sort of dynamic energy the whole show? I don’t blame Seann, or the panel stacking, but so far the shows that have had the most panel cohesion this series have been Chris Addison shows. This wasn’t the misfire that E2 was, and was very, VERY good in its second half, but this wasn’t the most well-stacked panel.

And honestly, they’re gonna figure this out after Russell leaves. He’s doing great this series, but he’s also outdoing a lot of the balance; without Frankie playing a similar role on the other side, Russell just takes up a lot of the show where the other two regulars just play regular offense and defense. Once he leaves, things will balance further.

Best Regular: Hugh Dennis took the lead on a number of occasions, and successfully at that.
Best Guest: Well it has to be Milton Jones, considering how on he was ALL NIGHT
Worst Performer: Seann missed the most with me.
Best Round: If This is the Answer bridged the most together
Best Topic: Paul the Octopus
Best Runner: the bear under the stairs

COMING UP NEXT: …who’s blocking my light? Dara?