Mock the Watchdown: S10E08, or People Deserve To Hear About This

I can sort of see the logic behind this panel stacking, but not quite.

This show brings back two performers who debuted last series, Miles Jupp and Carl Donnelly, and brings back Ava Vidal, who debuted earlier this series. As far as guests go, there’s no real solid anchor, other than maybe Miles? It’s down to the regulars I suppose, which is a big task for this trio of regulars to hold the show together. The old four-regular formation could supplant two weaker guests, but can Hugh, Andy and Chris?

As we pan around to see our contestants, you can see Hugh leaning in to Chris and going “just so you know…I’M the captain.” In a very comical way.

Headliners: C.F.I.P.

Hugh: “is it a list of things that will be affected by the cuts? Children, Families, Industry…..People.”
Andy: “is it, in fact, his security codename, Charlie Foxtrot Irritating Prick?”

Carl: “is it just pointing out what he goes through, which everyone goes through when they jog, is it Clammy Forehead, Itchy Privates?”
Andy: “is it all part of his fitness regime, is it Chancellor’s Finger Inspects Prostate?”
THIS gets a reaction
Dara, to camera: “all men over a certain age should have their prostate checked..that’s just something we at Mock the Week support.”

[could you take THIS?]

Dara: “can I lead you towards the much duller but correct answer”
Chris: “It is Chancellor Flees Immense Pigeon”
This is why we love Chris

Chris: “[the bankers] have got to ring-fence, ring fencing, which is the most dangerous sport at the olympics.”
And he just…demonstrates. This cracks up Miles, and probably Tom Allen watching at home

Dara talks about Lloyd’s not accepting him for an account because they didn’t think his Irish passport is a proper form of ID. Just wait a few years when Irish passports would become a big-ticket item. I also love him including the detail of the banker just singing the Lloyd’s advert theme song as he denies him.

Andy talks about so many people putting ‘password’ as their bank password.
Hugh: “mine is 6791.”
Not anymore it isn’t

Dara: “why has George Osbourne been dragged into the phone hacking scandal?”
Miles, bluntly: “because he was already involved in it from the beginning”

Dara, as if this is HIGNFY, have to legally say that George Osbourne has denied taking cocaine with a prostitute, or at all, to make sure they don’t get in trouble. Typically on HIGNFY, when they talk about someone taking a cocaine with a prostitute, they’ve just hosted the show.

Ava, on the prostitute’s service: “it was an agency called black beauties.”
Dara, choosing not to follow: “so…ponies?”
Ava: “no, it was…all black women [to Andy] what you looking at me like that for?”
Andy: “BECAUSE YOU’RE SPEAKING. I thought it’d probably be more polite. I’m happy to look over at Chris while she’s speaking, but…”
I kinda love that. Ava takes something the wrong way, Andy just makes fun of it.
Chris: “I’ll DANCE FOR YOU, Andy, whilst Ava’s talking…”
Ava: “I’m sorry, I was saying it’s called black beauties and you were looking at me like I was about to confess something.”
Dara: “would you prefer if as soon as you said black beauties we all SLOWLY TURNED AWAY? Like that scene in 12 Angry Men?”

Andy has an amusing bit about people just spilling everything on answering machines.
Chris: “that’s the part of the story you’d expect to see? Hugh Grant’s Girlfriend Says She’s On Train, She’ll Be There In A Half-Hour, Would Hugh Like Her to Pick Up Some Milk On The Way Back? Hugh Grant’s Mum Says She Doesn’t Like Talking To These Sorts of Things, She’s Gonna Put Your Dad On.”

Hugh, bringing back an old favorite: “They also had David Blunkett. And d’you know how they know it was David Blunkett? Cause when the phone’s answered, there’s a dog’s voice saying ‘DAVE, IT’S FER YOU, MATE.”
PFFFF
Carl, making Frankie proud: “he’s really one of the only ones you don’t need to, uh, hack. Just sneak up and stand next to him.”
And then Dara does a great impression of someone taking notes while trying to avoid being noticed by Blunkett

Hugh, once again, brings up his bank code, 6791
Chris: “it’s easy for you to remember because it’s the year you were born followed by the year you lost your virginity.”
Hugh: “I’m quite pleased with that, because you’ve made me SLIGHTLY YOUNGER THAN I ACTUALLY AM..”
Andy: “and it means you’ve had sex at least once!”
I’m just really happy the regulars all get along so well, even if the guests are sort of supplementing so far

Decent opening round. Nothing too mindblowing. The regulars are doing all the lifting so far, not much from Miles, Ava or Carl. But it’s all working, and there’s a lot of material in the phone-hacking scandal.

Stand Up Round: Ava, Miles and Carl

Ava comes down for ‘kids’. Oh no, not again.

Ava: “my teenage daughter came down one day with a long coat down all the way to the top, and women, we know what that means? [pauses for laughter] the ones…laughing are slags, but-”

Again, a lot of Ava’s humor is subversion with a knock about her, but when the punchline is ‘for starters, I don’t find that girl attractive at all’, and you know what happened, it still doesn’t sit right.

Miles, on health, talks about his wife’s home birth. “If you mention a home birth to people of an older generation, they’re always instantly terrified, but that’s just a generational thing, like racism and not indicating on roundabouts..”

Miles, with a really great line: “On one hand, I wondered if our sitting room was the best place to give birth to a child, but on the other hand I thought it was an excellent opportunity for us to get some new carpets.”
I love that one. The audience gets the silliness of it after a while.
I do like the turn where Miles uses his wife’s pregnancy as a way of remodeling his home, just bringing her into the rooms he wanted to redo. “The insurance people wanted to know why my wife wanted to give birth in every room in the house.”
A very nice set. A lot more mature and thoughtful than some of his S9 stuff, but with the usual fast-talking and sharp wit

Did not like Carl’s, on marriage, on the story of accidentally punching his wife in the face trying to hit a fly. “To be honest, I’m surprised that she bought it.” Not a fan of that kind of humor. Not a lot of good comedy details.

Alright stand-up round, Miles’ was the winner.

If This is the Answer: Sport; 6 and 1/2 Weeks

Miles, who can just do this: “How do you express 45 and a half days in weeks?”
Andy, who clearly isn’t over this: “how long until Wayne Rooney realizes that they’ve sellotaped a hamster to his head.”
Hugh, with an evergreen one: “is it how early do my parents get to the airport…just in case?”
Chris: “what is the age of Lidl whiskey?”
PFFF

Andy: “is it what is the amount of time between Kerry Katona earning a massive amount of money and announcing she’s become bankrupt again?”
Always the right place for a Katona slam

Chris, again as Dara wants the correct answer: “yes, at what length of delay will Easyjet give you a 50 quid voucher?”
Hugh: “is it what the teacher said…when a boy called Weeks…got 6 and a half…”
Chris loves this one
And you can also hear Chris groan once Andy does the correct one. You can tell he loves keeping the goof round on as long as possible

Dara: “why [is the rugby world cup] so long?”
Andy: “well, cause, uh, that’s the amount of time it takes…”
A very literal show so far
Dara: “if we could only be this clear on the economy..”
Andy, on that, throws one more in: “IS IT HOW MUCH OF THE LAST 5 YEARS CAN CHARLIE SHEEN REMEMBER.”
I love that move. You don’t like where the conversation round is going? Have some more goof answers

Andy talks about David Walliams swimming the Thames, “although they’ve released half a million pounds of raw sewage into the Thames this week”
Dara, to camera: “this is NOT a response to David Walliams swimming it…it’s not somebody with a giant…’I’LL GET HIM…I didn’t like that sketch on Little Britain, RELEASE THE POO…”

Hugh: “it does make me think that swimming the Thames is a lot like politics, in that you start at Oxford, and if you can swallow enough shit you end up in Westminster.”
10/10

Carl: “I reckon he’s got a really dark secret…we haven’t seen Matt Lucas for a while, I reckon he’s KILLED Matt Lucas…”

Dara: “how is the search for Colonel Gaddafi going?”
Chris: “SUPER. We’ve checked under the desk, no sign.”
Chris is so good at the wrong answers to topics right off the bat

Ava, on Gaddafi’s: “they also found a photo album with pictures of Condoleeza Rice. Or perhaps it’s a prospectus from Black Beauties.”
Oh she’s really intent on making that a runner
Dara: “when you rent someone from Black Beauties, do they have to do the theme tune?”
Chris: “YOU RENT THEM? Is that how you see them? Don’t forget to rewind your prostitute before you take her back!”

Dara does this ‘black beauty theme’ bit, sort of rocking side to side, which Miles says, referring to the protitute, “that’s a bit of an unusual technique, but I don’t know much about Ireland.” Miles is so good at getting swipes in

Weaker conversation round, but still decent stuff. Just less of it.

Scenes We’d Like to See:

“Unlikely Lines from a Horror Film”
Carl: [zombie moaning] “That was mayor Boris Johnson with his official statement on the riots”
Hugh: “you seen the traffic? It’s a nightmare on Elm street…”
Chris, cracking up as he realizes he’s going ahead with it: “and now, Alan Bennett’s long awaited remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Nantwich Leafblower Kerfuffle”

Hugh, on the phone: “what d’you want…WHAT D’YOU WANT…NO, I’m NOT paying too much for my car insurance.”
Always works

Ava, I’ve gotta say, is putting a lot more effort into SWLTS tonight. Usually she just sort of nonchalantly no-sells lines. She does a Hannibal Lecter one and polishes it off with “SO I GAVE MARK’S DINNER PARTY AN 8.”

Andy: “if you don’t keep up payments to your exorcist, there’s a danger that your home may become repossessed.”
HA

Miles, with one that always makes me giggle: “I ate his liver…with some JELLYBEANS AND A NICE UMBONGO.”
IT’S SO SILLY

Miles, foreshadowing Glenn Moore: “I’m afraid he’s been bitten by George Michael…he’s turned into a Whampire.”

Commercials That Never Made it to Air:
Chris: “take two bottles into the shower? Not anymore, I got a PROPER dildo.”
…Steve Frost would be proud

Chris: “do you suffer from dull, lifeless hair? Don’t worry, Andy Parsons’ll buy it right off you.”
Andy looks to the audience with a bit of whiplash, like ‘WHOA…OKAY.’ Dara’s jaw drops.
So Andy has a comeback: “HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY YOU EARNED FOR THOSE DIRECT LINE CAR INSURANCE ADVERTS?”

Andy: “WELL PEOPLE DESERVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS…HONK. HONK. HONK.”
Andy has thick skin, yes, but he can dole ’em back out like nobody else.

Hugh, continuing the slam-arounds: “Dara O’Briain…we work so he doesn’t have to.”
Dara even takes this one well, buzzing and then miming taking a nap

Miles does a fun “CASH 4 CASH” one. “send us your cash and we’ll send it back minus commission.”
Andy: “…ASH FOR CASH. PUT YOUR CREMATED RELATIVES IN AN ENVELOPE.”
That one got me
and then he’s got one more: “SMASH FOR CASH. PUT A MASHED POTATO IN AN ENVELOPE..” and he just cracks up.

Hugh: “why’ve we got barbecues at low, low prices? Because the summer’s been shit and no one’s bought them!”
Chris, with a goof: “do you suffer from unsightly chest hair? Shoulda gone to pec-shavers!”
I recall somebody, like Rob or Ed Gamble, doing something like this in a few series

Miles, immortally: “Lynx. Come on, virgins, wash your cocks!”
Which is a great joke. But better still is Andy’s reaction. All without a word:

I love that. Looking over at Miles, then Dara, then just not bothering to follow that. Exquisitely edited as well.

What a banger to end with. The horror movie round was already funny, but the commercials one got electric, with the slamming each other and that insane ending. This is also where Miles gained a ton of ground, as he usually does.

Overall: A sneaker-upper. This show is alright for the first 2/3rds, has some decent conversation stuff, some fun back and forths, a decent runner Ava brings in with Black Beauties, and a lot of nice Chris connecting. But it doesn’t become insanely funny until SWLTS, where it just becomes so damned good. So much funny shit is packed into the Commercials round that it makes up for so much lost time, and it features the full dynamic I wished the rest of this show had. I really think they should have made a better decision in panel stacking, and gotten a more dynamic guest like Ed in addition to some of these more passive guests like Ava, Carl and Miles. Miles did well enough, but even then he mostly stayed back during conversation rounds. I think this is a surprise good show, even though a lot of it may not seem as such.

Best Regular: Andy Parsons. He was already doing really well jumping off of people, but he just caught fire during SWLTS.
Best Guest: Miles Jupp. Carl came pretty close, but he didn’t really show up enough. Miles had a great stand up round and SWLTS that made up for his low-key demeanor in conversation rounds.
Worst Performer: On paper it would be Ava, because of my issues with her. But as a guest performer she actually accomplished a lot, is responsible for a runner, contributed a lot in conversation rounds and put in more effort in SWLTS. So I kinda have to put Carl, who wasn’t much of a factor in this show, despite some nice lines here and there.
Best Round: Scenes We’d Like to See. That game came ALIVE, man.
Best Topic: phone-tapping scandal
Best Runner: Black Beauties

COMING UP NEXT: One last Micky Flanagan show for S10, and the first of his two final shows to be A.) Collaborations with Greg Davies, and B.) known by a silly high-pitched voice.