Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S16E11, or It’s In the Shape of an Apple

Seasonal Code: S16E11
Production Number: 349
CW Seasonal Code: S15E19

We return to the Season 12 Gary taping that gave us episodes with Wil Wheaton and Chris Jericho for its first guestless episode. Sure to be some good material left in there

I often wonder if Ryan asks permission before he grabs things from the music table or if he just takes.

Let’s Make a Date: Gary must choose from

• Wayne – A series of Muppets turning evil
• Colin – Horny gorilla
• Ryan – Mosquito who takes on the characteristics of whoever he bites

Exactly three seconds into Wayne’s Kermit impression, he breaks. He just can’t believe he’s doing this.

It’s a simple enough quirk for the first round, but Wayne does commit to it.

I…It’s really that simple. It’s not a verbose quirk. It doesn’t need to be. It’s just two words, that’s all they need.

I do like Colin’s near-break due to his own stumbling before going into humping the stool.

The shot of Colin and Wayne flailing around together is extremely silly, complete with contrasting noises.

So Colin makes the mistake of tempting Ryan before he even starts:

And then once Ryan ends up sucking at Colin, we have this incredible progression:
I love Wayne’s reaction there. Not quite believing what he’s seeing.PFFF. They both thought of that move separately. Eventually they coordinate their smoking motions exactly. Aisha cackles at this.

Heheheheh.

The bulk of round two is cut, but we do get Colin making eyes at Aisha, which leads to, well…

I love this. Once Aisha tries to get away, the other two try to incorporate her as well. Like, there’s no running from this game. It’s like a defensive play.
Eventually:
[AUDIBLE YELPS FROM AISHA]
Unlike the last time someone tried this, Aisha’s wearing pants.
I love this shot so much. The drama of the quirk, and both Ryan and Gary transfixed. I also love the back end of it:
Poor Aisha. She’s horrified.
Eventually, after Colin politely puts her down:
Now THERE’S someone who knows where the hook is.

Unfortunately, all we get before the buzz is one more muppet voice from Wayne and Colin glomming onto Ryan again. So that’s two quirks we only really got initial observations from. I kinda wish they aired the rest of it.

Gary: “now Colin his interesting, he’s right at that cross between horny caveman AND gorilla..”

I also love that Gary gets the gist of Ryan’s exactly, and explains it even better than the card did.

Very strong LMAD, and with excellent comedic peaks from everybody. The rest of this show, I will be playing the game of ‘what could we have sacrificed to get an extra minute or so of this game?’. Because the edit did it dirty and cut out a lot of Wayne, Ryan and Gary’s highlights of round two. Not that the Colin moment wasn’t worth it, as it so was.

Props: Ryan and Gary vs. Colin and Wayne

Wayne does an extremely silly ‘squirting flower’ gag as the Joker, explains who he is, and gets Colin to go “yeah, I got it.”

Gary does a Williams sister gag, and Ryan brings the Venus on testosterone gag over from Mock the Week. Even Gary seems appalled by that.

Wayne: “…you are the worst Klansman ever.”
PFFF
Colin: “I’m claustrophobic!”
I like that move. Wayne appreciates it too

Ryan: “once that other witch gets here, we can start mixin’ shit.”
PFFF. A MACBETH REFERENCE? SURE. FANTASTIC.

Wayne does a ‘I make love to ghosts’ gag that doesn’t get the response he thinks it will.
Colin, lifeguarding: “well, if the spirit’s willing.”
HA. I love the little ‘and scene’ motion Wayne does

Ryan: “how much for the dick gauge?”
It was bound to happen eventually

Perfectly fine Props. It did seem like Colin was consistently getting Wayne’s over the line, though

Ryan, heading back to the seats: ‘that’s gonna be my porn name.”
Gary: “what, Dick Gauge?”

Aisha: “everybody gets points” [gets ready for next game]
Colin: “You’ve totally lost interest in this show..”
They can say that because she completely hasn’t

Whose Line: Ryan and Colin are Romeo and Juliet

Aisha, in divvying up lines for Colin and Ryan, admits she may have mixed up which ones were supposed to go to who.
Ryan: “who cares?”
They’re all going to the same place anyway

I really like the twist Ryan establishes at the beginning, that Romeo’s parents asked him to take Juliet out.
Colin: “I thought our parents were against our…co-mingling.”
Ryan: “that’s what they wanted you to think. They felt bad for you cause you can’t get a date.”
It feels like 1995-era Ryan just sprang back into frame.
Colin, being himself: “my god you’re charming.”

It helps that both of them know the play well. Colin even names the guy Juliet should be seeing, “Paris the prince”, exactly.

Colin describes how Paris climbed up into his window “and whispered as I was sleeping, ‘dyou wanna see my rash?”
PFFF. That makes for a very funny visual
Ryan: “and you found that attractive, did you?”
Colin: “…it’s in the shape…of an APPLE.”
He can just make any line funny with that kind of delivery.

Ryan: “I can’t sleep at night, think of your face and not think ‘if only I had a penis.”
…so MAYBE IT DID MATTER WHO GOT THEM.
Colin, perfectly: “you were doing so well in that swordfight.”
Thank you for not doing something more morbid here

I also really like the back-and-forth, and how natural it is. Ryan doesn’t wanna talk about this. “I still HAVE a penis, I just don’t WEAR it.”
Colin: “It’s alright, I don’t care-”
Ryan: “I CARE. IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME.”
This feels so natural, and is progressing so well.
Ryan: “I didn’t miss it til it was gone.”
Colin, as if this is the only response: “…isn’t that true of most things?”

Ryan: “you do have a way of putting things.”
Colin: “I do, because I’m….[he has nothing]…a frisky fourteen year old.”
THAT’S A CHOICE
Ryan: “well, you’ve just made this incredibly creepy..”
Colin, confused as to why Ryan didn’t remember this: “oh, REALLY MR. OLD MAN ROMEO.”
And then he…makes this alright by making him only 2 years older.

Colin: “well let me tell you something, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart….’just shut your big fat mouth.”
That works really damn well.

I got a laugh out of Ryan taking something out of a cabinet, raising it higher, and going “I CAN STILL KEEP IT UP.” It’s such a silly joke. And a great callback to something they knew worked in this scene.
Colin: “WHY ARE YOU KEEPING IT AT MY HOUSE?”
PFFFFF. I love that gift. THIS ISN’T EVEN RYAN’S HOUSE.
Ryan: “WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA PUT IT?”
Colin: “WELL I DON’T NEED IT IN MY DRAWERS.”
Ryan, as if the innuendo came from the gods: “OHHH DON’T YOU?”
Jesus Christ.

Ryan is convinced Colin’s bluffing, “because all you mutter to yourself as you sleep is ‘get down and bark like a dog.”
The serendipity in this game…

A really, REALLY good Whose Line, possibly one of the strongest ones in years. The escalation of the ‘dick in a jar’ gag to leaving it around other people’s houses is one of the funniest payoffs they’ve had in a Whose Line since the Drew version. The Colin-Ryan banter felt like this aired during S2 of the ABC run, it felt that classic.

Aisha does take Ryan to task for assuming Romeo was 56
Ryan: “it’s Romero, another guy that lives down the street…they’ve got a pizza place and everything..”

Scenes from a Hat:

“Things you can say about a gas station that you can’t say about your partner.”
Gary: “man, this was cheaper a week ago..”
Ryan: “honey, we’re in Oregon, someone else is gonna have to stick it in.”
Today I learned that Oregon didn’t let people pump their own gas til this year.

“Things you would not see in a food commercial.”
I love how well Wayne and Colin know each other.
Wayne: “honey, try this!”
Colin: [vomits]
Wayne: “RIGHT??”
Gary repeats ‘RIGHT??’ to Wayne as he gets back

Ryan: “COME ON DOWN TO ANGELO’S [continues peeing]”
This is always gonna work

Wayne has a very drawn out ‘yelling matriarch at Christmas one’ that doesn’t work til the end
Colin: “YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER.”
Wayne: “Oh, I’m GON’ be.”
Colin:

PFFF. Everybody starts to think about it.

“Bad names for shampoo”
Ryan: “hey Jerry?”
Colin, offstage: “yeah!”
Ryan: “you mind if I use a little of your Trump?”
of course
and he waits for the response:

Colin: “…give it a tryyy..”

I loved this the first time I saw it. It’s always funny for people to yell things from the side, but just hearing that line, with the delivery, is hysterical. Ryan repeats it, heading back. They’re just amused by it.

Colin: “…’sham-POO?'”
I love his confusion at the concept of this.
An incredible thing happens- WAYNE comes on to lifeguard COLIN: “We’ve replaced Colin’s shampoo with ‘SHAM-POO’. Watch what happens.”
Colin, after Wayne leaves, takes some: “…….IT’S POO.”
It’s that simple.
Wayne, reentering, laughing: “…yeah.”
It’s almost like it transcended normal humor and became almost an avant-garde anti-humor thing. Honestly iconic.

“What Aisha is thinking right now.”
Colin: “man, he picked me up, I’m 350 pounds…thank god for Spanx.”

Very, very good SFAH, as packed as a round of this should be. Interestingly, not a ton of Gary, but ‘give it a try’ is just as funny as I remembered.

Greatest Hits: Songs of the Firefighter

Ryan: “do you smell somethin’ burnin’?”
And he just…sniffs for a good 10 seconds.
Colin, finally: “I don’t have the nose for it..”
OF COURSE

There’s some usual banter here, and Ryan blubbering on about the difference between 60s girl groups and groups of women in their 60s.
Colin, perfectly: “HOW MANY MORE FUN FACTS CAN WE GET?”

Ryan does pick a very funny title for this one, “bring out the hose.”

Laura and Linda do a backing that’s very similar to You Can’t Hurry Love, and Wayne’s first verse is really well-sung against it

Wayne and Gary even do a good rendition of the dance break in the song to do a miming refrain.

This is a pretty standard number for both of them, but thanks to Wayne it does include the line “a bitch gotta drop and roll.”
Ryan even points that out after the number.
Colin: “First popularized by Oscar Hammerstein in the original Sound of Music.”
[LOUD WAYNE LAUGHING FROM OFF CAMERA]

Ryan: “I love my Calypso music, made famous by the great crooner Jacques Cousteau.”
PFFFF
Colin: ‘that was actually his ship.”
Ryan: “WHATEVER.”

The eventual Calypso number, Catch the Baby, is full of very silly lyrics, like Gary adding “catch it all, catch the right, catch the left, NOT AT NIGHT.”

They just get into a nice rhythm
Wayne: “IF THERE’S A WOMAN UP ON THE FIFTH FLOOR, ya gotta catch the baby”
Gary: “IF THERE’S A WOMAN THAT YA NEVER SEEN BEFORE, ya gotta catch the baby”

Wayne sort of has a conclusive lyric after that, so Laura and Linda think that means the song’s over. BUT GARY’S IN MID-LINE. So he hears the music cut out as he’s going into a new lyric, and just:

Which is such a great move

Ryan: “that is the only cut here that is on an 8-track, so it picks up in a second…”
Wayne motions for Laura and Linda to continue, and they do, so they go right in with ‘….BABY”

I will say that finishing the song, Laura and Linda are a little clumsier on keeping time, but it does stick the landing before Wayne starts cracking up.

Good GH. Catch the Baby was worth it, even if this did feel like ‘oh, it’s another GH playing’ for most of it.

Overall: A bit of tonal whiplash, as we had two excellent games that I’m glad aired, a game I wish had gone on for longer. I think this is a good show, and had a lot of classic energy that it could wield whenever it wanted to, but diluting the energy with Props and 3/4ths of a pretty standard GH wasn’t how I’d go about things. At least we have Whose Line, LMAD and SFAH, all of which really impressed me and cracked me up. There is great work in this show, and there are nice takeaways, but I wish it was a bit more consistent.

Show Winners: Ryan and Wayne
Best Performer: Colin Mochrie. The best moves tonight belonged to him.
Worst Performer: Gary, as there sadly wasn’t a ton for him to do this show.
Best Game: Whose Line felt the most fleshed-out, and had the most great improv moves.
Worst Game: Props won the ‘which game should have been cut to get the rest of LMAD’ game.
Should It Have Aired in Season 12?: I’d honestly say yes, as a lot of these games are right up there with the rest of that season, and spruce up the quality of this taping’s material.

COMING UP NEXT: If you can believe it, another consecutive Gary guestless show, but this one comes from the S15 tapings.